webnovel
Glace
GlaceLv156yr
2019-02-23 11:07

A neat Mc with a tragic past. He has a good character in him and being with Neo is a bonus, and is kinda like best friend with Jaune. (The only thing that bothers me is the romance with Pyrrha, becase it looks like Mc and Neo were perfect for each other, but that’s my nitpick.) But so far it’s pretty good and are more developed then my own RWBY fan-fiction so keep up the good work and i will continue to read it. 😊😊😊

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Other Reviews
FrostByte47
FrostByte47Author

When I first wrote this Fanfic, I had no clue how to properly pace and create a nice flow of a story. So I ended up with this trash heap. When I wrote chapter one I was half awake. It had no direction at all I just wanted to write something to cure my boredom and add a touch of creativity after or before my boring ass job. The end result was... The first volume is a ****ty mess. The second one was passable but had a lot of flaws. mainly being dragged on without a nice and steady flow. Some negative reviews you see here are mostly right. The first one being the MC changing his character to suit the situation. The scenes aren't described properly. It's mostly tell than showing, half of the scenes lack description and believability. The appearance of certain people we're abrupt and don't make sense. It's a straight up dumpster fire. Although it improved in time it's still in that limbo where I'm extremely unsatisfied. It became another rehashed sad past Harem boy who goes into another world bullcrap. That had small philsophy injected into it to make it feel mature and ****. And Apparently I use ellipses a lot. Like a **** ton. Volume two was where I got my groove on. Still feels lacking because it lacks punch. Some viewed it as boring, because of all the dragged on dialogues, But I found it a little more profound. Revealing character through dialogue. To each his own I guess. Near the end of the volume is where I found a steady pace of action and flow. From weeby Harem boy stardust crusader to an actual flawed character. The story I visualized was slowly taking shape. It was less of a Generic Harem Novel and more of the exploration of the human condition. A slightly unprofessional deconstruction of the harem genre. Also a far off vision of an extended universe. Then the vision was cut short. I got busier by the day took on more overtime. Got exhausted and quit my job. Got a new one slowed my pace down a little. Which eventually stopped me from churning more updates. Now a year later. I feel like I wanna give this one another try. Thanks for reading till the end. Hope you stick around to read the improved version.

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17 Chs