Item: Showtime
Rating: 4.2
Author: VoidParasol

VoidParasolLv45yr

2019-01-23 17:37

It's an interesting start for a novel, although I'm concerned whether you want it past tense or present tense. So far reading into the 2nd chapter, I notice a lot of pauses that shouldn't be there. Your sentence structure should have a nice flow that runs together til the end. (I'm bad too so this is just an *******ish review, sorry!) Emotional description are a wee bit all over but it's an easy fix as you keep writing and playing around with it. Overrall, it's not a bad novel! An exciting starting chapter into the series but remember to keep writing and learning at the same time!

Showtime

Thoko

4.5

80 Chs

Liked by 1 people

Replies1

VoidParasolLv4

it blocked the word "******* - ish"

5yr

Other Reviews

ThokoAuthor

I know it is shameless to write yourself a Review and even With five Stars.. But nobody writes anything.. I wrote already the half and its of course Not all open :) I think the half is reached AT 27th of this month.. I hope you enjoy and give me also reviews 😁😁❤️

5yr

SENZU_Lv4

Just some random dude hais ill do everything for some SS ....i really hate thjs 140 wordssssss damm dak fack fsck dack faxk jajn jsjsjjs sjsksns ks s nsjs skkska

5yr

sweetpea1972Lv14

Ok the story is not bad at all. It's not for the faint of heart though. The main character has to do what it takes to stay alive and get to where she is now. I was getting a little confused when she was in real time and flashbacks. But great job author.

5yr

amdcLv10

This is not a story for the faint-hearted. This is not a story about love and romance, so dreamy-eyed readers back off. You have been warned. If you like a story about real life - bloody, grim, ********, uncensored life. There’s just a few grammatical errors like usage on correct pronouns but does not affect the story. Read at your own risk.

5yr

NeevximLv14

There was a lot of grammar issues. Some parts were confusing as to what was going on. May want to have a line to differentiate past to present. Overall not too bad. I’m just a little irritated trying to get to the present story. There’s a lot of jumping back and forth from past to present. Although I understand why, I’m trying to get to the main story! Lol.

5yr

Susan001Lv1

Hey! Good day to you! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email mollyringdom*@*gmail.com (delete *）We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). Looking forward to your email.

3yr

haiweiweian1994Lv1

$115,500 for the Best Adventure Novels +Get Hardcover Publish Hey Writers! Come to check out this adventure novel writing competition, both new and published stories can participate! This competition is mainly looking for four genres: Fantasy, Urban, Game, and Sci-fi. You can either submit your published works, rewrite some previous ideas, or create a new story if any given examples or tips inspired you! Web-fiction or Light Novel writing experience is desired, so you might be the winner! For more information, you may visit: https://bit.ly/2ObQnRy or contact Email haiweiweian1994@163.com

3yr

ShaNniaLv1

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.

4yr

Vampireking9Lv1

Reveal spoiler

4yr

The Concession

~He gave himself up to save her~ He made the wrong choice now he had to pay the price. √√√√√√√√ Careful little princess, careful little boy what you choose, for to consent, is to lose. The dragon's mouth is wide, filled with bones. It reeks of death and human flesh. With gold and diamond, he lures you in. He has beady pearls-flames for eyes, And like a sheep to the slaughter, you're served on a platter. He never gets enough; for like a lion, he goes about seeking whom to devour—his sole desire. So children, run, keep your concession, Or ye might be next. Ye have been warned. Remember this tale...the serpent never sleeps.

Taiwolilly · Horror

4.8

48 Chs

DEMON INVASION

During the construction of a subway tunnel, they weren't expecting an inter-dimensional portal connecting earth and hell. We opened a Pandora's box and demons rushed outside, infecting whatever living they could find. Within days, drought take over the land, creating a dystopian world. Survivors were left to fight with the undead. But, god have a plan for us all. The epic adventure has only just begun.

COAmal · Horror

Not enough ratings

16 Chs

The Bad Boy’s House

Ariel finds herself agreeing to go to Cole Langford’s house for a party with his four friends. She isn’t sure how the night is going to end up at the famous bad boy’s house especially seen as she is the only girl there with four bad boys what could go wrong right? Cole has big plans and the party is the first step unfortunately his mother turns up demanding to know who the girl is and why she Is in their house. Ariel is unsure of his plans but knows one thing there is no escape from the house and the wild parties that go on their us this bad boy hiding something from her?

EmmaLouise · Horror

Not enough ratings

42 Chs

DEATHLY APP

Hastin was running out of ideas for his horror novel. By chance, he comes across an app which gives him ideas for his story. In the beginning, everything was smooth flowing. But later he finds out that whoever reads his story disappears and becomes the story character themselves...

Darlene_Virginia · Horror

4.7

109 Chs

Shadow

"I dare you to say that again." "You look like Gollum's twin brother." _____________________________ Officer Genevieve Perez. A diligent police constable. She's quick, both mentally and physically, with a gun by her side at all times. The 24-year-old does her duty to the best of her ability, and absolutely nothing can distract her when she sets a goal. Detective Alec Walliams. At 27, He has managed to accomplish countless tasks over the span of a few years. An egotistical male during the day, and a skilled undercover investigator by night. Sometimes, the two personas occur at the same time. Alec and Genevieve cross paths. One thing leads to another, and they have to team up in order to catch a twisted outlaw. The only problem? They're like oil and water. She abides by the rules. He makes his own. 18+

Mahum · Horror

4.7

33 Chs

My 'Healing' Game

Officer, if I told you this just was a "Healing-type Game," would you believe me?

I Fix Air-Conditioner · Horror

Not enough ratings

297 Chs

Escape from the Film Set

Stone stele, Blood Moon, ancient school, Burning Sea... Every elusive and unpredictable world is filled with unknown dangers. Those swept up in the blood-colored vortex, can only abandon comfort, using courage and wisdom to illuminate their path forward, in order to seize a glimmer of survival!

Drinking Gutter Oil · Horror

Not enough ratings

1259 Chs