webnovel
Transparency
TransparencyLv106yr
2018-09-11 13:16

Looking forward to see how this one turns out! Looking good! I am a big fan of how gritty the world is. It makes it a lot easier to swallow the pill on how badly a child is being treated. Good job author- san!

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
Replies1
existing
existingAuthor

Thank you rival!! ♥️

Other Reviews
Book_Keeper
Book_KeeperLv4

Hello, your novel has been assessed and review by Virtual Bookshelf. A review excerpt is as follows: Characters: Amias - No real backstory or much of a clear or compelling reason to help Luciana. Personality isn’t very defined or unique. In other words, he doesn’t stand out/isn’t memorable. Luciana - She’s a little bit lackluster. In part, that IS her personality-stoic and introverted. But even the “quiet” ones have underlying, strong feelings, thoughts, fears, and motivations. She needs a little more depth and backstory so readers can better grasp her personality and uniqueness compared to any other stoic characters of other stories. Finally in chapter 11, we see a little into her inner struggle. “Truthfully, she's finding it hard to spar with another kid. Half of her mind keeps on telling her to kill him. …. how hard it was for her to keep her hands from dealing a killing blow.” Theon - Seems like the antagonist or is part of those “against” Luciana and her escape. Torin - A kindly man who takes an orphan in. Not much to say. He has a backstory on his family, but it doesn’t seem of much significance to plot except establishing a somewhat tragic backstory. Marcus, his friend, again, nothing to say. Oleander - “Torin explained to him about Luciana's past, and he now understand her introverted personality. Now, he no longer care even if most of the time, she ignored him. Torin also said, if he showed her kindness and stayed with her longer, they could be good friends in the future.” Poor boy; Torin has to explain to him about Luciana. Yet another kind person to help and try to understand her. .........(cont.) The full review is linked to your title on: https://virtualbookshelf.home.blog/2019/02/02/webnovel-assessments-10/ After three chapters, you may request to be assessed again. Thank you, and the best of luck on your writing endeavors! :)

wizzynnorom
wizzynnoromLv5
yvxii
yvxiiLv3

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 Your chapters are well-written in the sense that there is vivid description which enhances your story. The structure of your chapters are good too, the paragraphs are separated decently. The only thing that's preventing me from fully enjoying your novel in regard to this aspect is the grammar and mechanics. There are a few abrupt changes in tense, and incorrect use of commas. You can easily fix this though, and it will improve the flow of the chapters. Stability of Updates: 5/5 The releases of your chapters are pretty consistent, keep it up ^ - ^ Story Development: 4/5 I like the development of your novel so far. You have introduced the background and situation of the protagonist, and brought your readers along with Luciana on her journey to become stronger. You haven't dragged out the introduction and instead written each event succinctly, which is a plus. I'm interested in reading how the story will progress ~ Character Design: 4/5 From the beginning of the first chapter, you have clearly presented the personalities of your characters. I like how you have described their physical features and also hinted at their personal motivations and backgrounds. You have utilised dialogue well, the nature of these characters are reflected in their conversations and interactions with one another. World Background: 4/5 One thing I really like about how you have executed your worldbuilding is the way you presented it. Readers can gain an understanding of the world not only through the description of the physical elements but also via the interactions and mannerisms of the characters. On the other hand, I recommend that you also add more sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) in your writing. This way, your readers can immerse themselves deeper into the world you have created.

Related Stories

Married to the Devil's Son

【Volume 1 - Married to the Devil's Son】 A prince, rumored to be the son of the Devil. He is the definition of Danger. He is the Darkness itself. A princess. Imprisoned in her own home, only to come out once she gets married. But married to whom? *** Once upon a time, the Devil fell in love with one of the King's many wives. One night he went to her room disguised as her husband and made love to her. She got pregnant with his child. Knowing this The King ordered her execution believing his wife cheated on him, but then the Devil appeared to the king making him a deal. In exchange for great power for his Kingdom, the King will let his wife Sire The Devil's Child. The King who was greedy for power agrees to the deal and his Kingdom becomes one of the most powerful Kingdoms and the Devil's Child, the seventh Prince of the Kingdom. Being a princess probably sounds nice. A life full of luxury, beautiful dresses and nice shoes, but for Hazel, there is nothing nice about being a princess. She can never go outside the palace, she can never have friends, she can never eat or say or wear whatever she wants and she can never choose the person she is going to marry. Soon she's getting married to a man she has never met, a prince rumored to be Son of the Devil. 【Volume 2 - Return of the Devil's Son】 **Sequel to Married to the Devil's son** He is back! This time fiercer, faster and stronger, with only one thing in mind. Revenge! Prince of Darkness, Son of the Devil, Lucian is back, and he has only one thing on his mind. Revenge! That's until he meets her. A woman who entices him beyond reason, but who also claims to be his wife. Surrounded by dark secrets and powerful enemies, Lucian must decide who to trust and who to destroy. After getting her heart broken once, Klara vowed never to fall in love again. But when her brother tries to force her into a marriage and the annoying but wickedly handsome Roshan rescues her, things get difficult. Can she protect her heart from the man whose touch sets her body aflame? Or will she surrender to her desire and risk her heart once again? —————————————————————————————————— 【Volume 3 - The Devil In Her Dreams】 THE BEAST AMONGST US Imagine living in a world full of fiery, feral beings, hiding in the shadows, roving in our dreams, creeping under our skin. Eavesdropping, manipulating our minds and exploring our bodies. They are savages, beasts but some of them are companions and childhood friends.  Some are dangerous, others even more dangerous. They live amongst us. Some of us call them Demons, others call them Djinn. But some of them should never be called.  THE BEAUTY  LOOKING FOR LOVE  Heaven, the devil’s granddaughter and princess of Decresh has everything in life. Loving parents, beauty, wealth, and status. But one thing is missing. And that is love. Heaven dreams of the kind of love her parents have and now that she has come of age to get married she has to find her dream man and the future king of Decresh. And she has to find him soon.  There is one man. A mysterious silver-eyed stranger who keeps appearing in her dreams. Who is he and what does he want? As the line of suitors grows, Heaven’s dreams become more vivid forcing her to go on a journey to find the man in her dreams. Could he also be the man of her dreams? Or would he turn out to be a nightmare?

JasmineJosef · Fantasy
4.7
314 Chs

Young master Damien's pet

"Who touched you?" he asked, his eyes brooding down at her and when she didn't answer, his voice thundered in the room, "WHO?" The butler who stood near the wall spoke shakily, "Sir, it was Mr. Reverale," Damien's face turned sour, his jaw ticking in anger he turned his face to the side where the butler stood behind. "Bring the man here." "N-now?" stuttered the butler. It was the time of night. Damien who hadn't broken his eye contact with the girl in front of him, pushed his hand against the wall which now rested beside his beautiful girl's head. Turning his body, he first looked at his butler who had his head bowed. With great courage, the butler came to meet his Master's eyes, "Do you have any other better time? Or should it be after I wring your neck?" Damien asked calmly tilting his head. Not a second later, the butler ran out of the room to return back with Mr. Reverale after twenty minutes. "Damien, are we having a late tea party?" Mr. Reverale came to greet but the master of the house had other plans. Spotting the knife that was stuck to the apple on the table, he reached for it to pull it out. Just as Mr. Reverale went to exchange a handshake with him, Damien took hold of his hand to place it on the table. In one swift movement as if he were chopping onions, he chopped the four fingers of the man off his hand making him yelp and cry in pain. "No one touches what is mine. I am sure this will remind you the next time you even think about touching her," sighed Damien as if he were tired of telling people to keep their dirty hands off his belongings. Meet Damien Quinn, a pureblooded vampire who is a complete narcissist, brash with his words and stingy even though he is rich who haggled when he bought a slave from the black market. On the other hand, meet Penelope who believes she is a 'guest' for a few days at the Quinn as she is intent on escaping from the odd vampire who needs therapy. ~ Discord: https://discord.gg/K63uVqN

ash_knight17 · Fantasy
4.8
761 Chs

Hades' Cursed Luna

In a world where Lycans and werewolves are sworn enemies, Eve Valmont is a werewolf cursed by a prophecy and framed. Betrayed by her own pack and imprisoned for years, her fate takes a darker twist when she is offered to the Lycan King, Hades Stavros—a ruler feared for his ruthless conquests and deadly prowess. Bound by an ancient prophecy and haunted by the ghosts of her past, Eve is now at the mercy of the one being she should hate and fear the most—The Hand of Death himself. Hades, a king carved from blood and his own soul's decay, determined to avenge his family's slaughter and rid his people of the werewolves. He believes Eve is the key to his victory. To him, she is nothing but weapon foretold by prophecy, a tool he will wield to destroy the opposing forces threatening his pack. Yet, he finds himself craving this powerful yet broken woman. Leaving him questioning if she is truly his weapon or the one destined to unravel his carefully laid plans. *** He stalked toward me, a predator closing in on its prey, his eyes dark and unreadable. "So, you laugh?" His voice was low, dangerously soft, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I swallowed hard, suddenly aware of how difficult it had become to breathe. "Hades, I—" "But you only laugh at other men's jokes," he interrupted, his gaze piercing, devoid of any humor. "Not your husband's." The accusation in his tone was sharp, slicing through the air between us. A nervous chuckle escaped me. "You can't be serious... He’s your beta, for Goddess’ sake." In an instant, he closed the distance between us, so fast it left me breathless. His hands gripped my waist, pulling me flush against his body, the heat of him making my skin tingle. I gasped, but before I could say a word, his lips crashed onto mine, claiming my mouth with a force that sent shockwaves through me. The kiss was punishing, hungry—I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. When he finally pulled back, I was trembling, my chest heaving as I struggled to regain my breath. His eyes, dark and stormy, searched mine with a possessive intensity. "You can’t laugh at my jokes..." he whispered, his voice a dangerous rasp as his fingers trailed lower, sending a shiver down my spine, "but you’ll come with my fingers." I shivered, heat pooling low in my belly at his words, his touch. The world around us blurred, fading into nothing as his hand slipped lower, drawing a ragged gasp from my lips. The look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me, and there was no denying the primal connection between us in that moment. "I don’t need your laughter," he murmured against my skin, his breath hot on my neck. "I’ll have every other part of you instead." **** Dark fantasy romance Morally Grey ML Angst Suspense ENEMIES to lovers Smut (like sprinkles on your ice cream)

Lilac_Everglade · Fantasy
4.5
284 Chs