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Devil_Hex
Devil_HexLv54yr
2021-02-28 20:01

Pretty dumb fanfic. MC is given an overpowered system. Really no suspense in the story thanks to that. Too much harem. Dude wants to bed each and every beauty from Naruto 🤦

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Tais
TaisLv5

Review time Writing quality= Your sentences are not that good and really hard to read, i guess that english is not your first language. Update schedule=is fast but it takes away your writing quality and i think your quality can improve by writing less chapter lets say quality before quantity. Story development= all over the place really hard to follow what is going on Character design= i did not get that far in the story but the beginning was very confusing to me How did he die and why did he die those things are very important in most novels and i didn’t really get an idea what his backstory was World design= it is an Naruto fan fiction Naruto has an enormous world and history and i really didn’t see any in this novel it is as if he is just thrown in this world without any backstory and a few support character who have a little to no background Overall= It is not very good but i think you can improve by putting some time in writing a single chapter before the second. And reading some english written books by english writers and look how they make their sentences. A editor can help you in the long run by correcting the things you overlook it happens to everyone even the best. But the best tip i can give you is to keep writing and enjoy what you do that is the fastest way to improve your writing Well that was a long review i would like to say i can’t write for **** so at least you’re better than me and ignore some comments who try to put you down Reviewer out ( ಠ ͜ʖರೃ)

OrdealOfMc
OrdealOfMcLv5

Read up to ch 155. Up to the whole marriage arc, which is **** btw. Anyhow. Translation- (which I consider grammar in this case) 3 stars. While the author won't get any rewards for his writing, it is readable. Although some parts are so messed up you won't get a notion of what's going on without reading few paragraphs. Stability of updating.-5 stars. I'm rating purely speed here. Although now it slowed down, I remember days when there would be mass releases every three or so days, so yeah, good job. Story development. 1star.- while some people would say this is unjust, I would say it's well deserved. The MC goes and does whatever he can wherever he could without worry for consequences. Half the time he's chasing skirts, the other time he is conversing with his system for few chapters straight, after which he gains power-ups but still gets his butt kicked. Character design 1 star.- again, it's just in my opinion. The MC is shallow paedophile, there's no denying that. He goes around and humps 10-year-olds or so girls because can't keep it in his pants. His 'parents' are cheering while he goes and humps two young teens on the second floor. The father is a typical idiot, who half the time talks sex jokes, the other half says creepy things, like what position they used. The mother has no substance, the only emotion she has is a worry for her op son. The other characters, namely his harem, just want his D and that's it. His enemies, namely Madara, goes to his side after one conversation. The whole plot revolves around one village. World background. 1-star. The whole plot stays in one village. That's it. No political games, no ninja that act like a ninja, everything falls into mc's hands without struggle, while the written colours of the world might as well be grey. Finally, I'd say an author should go for quality over quantity. Cuz, while he gives two chapters or so to his titles every week, they are unsubstantial and bad filler material. Also, the ego of author is...bad....

SemiDemiHemiEvil
SemiDemiHemiEvilLv5
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