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lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor6yr
2018-11-11 22:46

Hi author here :) This is something I wrote to get out of my writers block while writing adopted soldier. So I don't know if it's going to be good but I'll try.

Liked by 85 people

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Replies88
Manuscrito
ManuscritoLv5

harem?

lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

yes

Manuscrito:harem?
Manuscrito
ManuscritoLv5

:O

lynerparel:yes
TheGentlemenWorld
TheGentlemenWorldLv10

Are you gonna drop this like you did with Overwhelming Path -_-

marie1992
marie1992Lv14

I just want to know is this a BL book if so, then.. **** yeah lol

lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

no it is not

marie1992:I just want to know is this a BL book if so, then.. **** yeah lol
lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

it is contracted can't do that

TheGentlemenWorld:Are you gonna drop this like you did with Overwhelming Path -_-
TheGentlemenWorld
TheGentlemenWorldLv10

Sick

lynerparel:it is contracted can't do that
Wriothesley_Main
Wriothesley_MainLv4

Great story Author😀 I Bow Down Before the Great Lynerparel🙇 Hope you get over your writers block im looking forward to both novel.

Jun_moxie
Jun_moxieLv4

What is Bl pls

marie1992:I just want to know is this a BL book if so, then.. **** yeah lol
Greenscarface
GreenscarfaceLv11

Boys Love (Gay)

Jun_moxie:What is Bl pls
marie1992
marie1992Lv14

BL stands for Boy Love or aka yaoi

Jun_moxie:What is Bl pls
ASURA2000
ASURA2000Lv12

The hero gets the harem or his friend the demon king gets the harem. Also is it the typically "attention all girl join my harem!!!!!" And he picks nonstop left and right?

lynerparel:yes
lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

Both get their separate harems, don't understand the attention all girls join my harem?

ASURA2000:The hero gets the harem or his friend the demon king gets the harem. Also is it the typically "attention all girl join my harem!!!!!" And he picks nonstop left and right?
ASURA2000
ASURA2000Lv12

Simple all the so called high and mighty arrogant women go nuts for cheap reasons like he was nice to them or he save them once. No other reason. If it was that easy to get a girl then there wouldn't be a friendzone.

lynerparel:Both get their separate harems, don't understand the attention all girls join my harem?
lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

Oh I use that cliche on the hero best friend but not on my MC

ASURA2000:Simple all the so called high and mighty arrogant women go nuts for cheap reasons like he was nice to them or he save them once. No other reason. If it was that easy to get a girl then there wouldn't be a friendzone.
ASURA2000
ASURA2000Lv12

Nice

lynerparel:Oh I use that cliche on the hero best friend but not on my MC
Kyruu
KyruuLv5

Too direct? (like is it the type of hello become my harem member! or the type of where mc and girls slowly know each other until one destroy dense barrier and confecnice?)

lynerparel:yes
lynerparel
lynerparelAuthor

For the MC except for the first girl everyone falls under the second category. Also for the hero every girl falls under the first category

Kyruu:Too direct? (like is it the type of hello become my harem member! or the type of where mc and girls slowly know each other until one destroy dense barrier and confecnice?)
Kyruu
KyruuLv5

._. so the hero is the type of where he meets a girl and the girl b like : YOU SAW ME CHANGING NOW WE GOTTA MARRY !!!

lynerparel:For the MC except for the first girl everyone falls under the second category. Also for the hero every girl falls under the first category
Other Reviews
Elude
EludeLv10

All my reviews are truthful (The way I review originals and translations are different), I'm not going to try and inflate anyone's egos if the book doesn't justify it. Writing Quality 4/5: The transitions are pretty smooth, nothing much to say here. (There are naturally your occasional grammar mistakes, but I'm not going to nit-pick something so miniscule. These occasional bumps in the writing have no major effect on the actual flow of the writing, which is really good for an ******* writer on WN; where english isn't the first language for many of the readers/writers.) E.g, In this novel you get your occasional use of 'Superfluous Commas', (where the writer uses a comma before because even though it is not necessary.) Examples of the types of minor errors I'm talking about, Unlike his demon family who only respected him, because of his power (Now, your typical extremely minor mistakes.) Kretos tried to speak, but was unable to. It would seem that his body wasn't develop enough to do such a thing. - Let's be honest here, we all know that it should be 'developed' and our eyes would auto-correct it pretty quickly anyway. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was at this point in time, Kretos lifted his arms he finally noticed that his arms were small and dainty. This was not the arm of the supreme overlord, this was the arms of a baby. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Alright, it doesn't take a genius to recognize that these two sentences aren't perfect. Yet, we as your average readers can easily understand the general plot and direction the author is heading with.) Stability of Updates 5/5: The updates appear punctual (good to see) Story Development: The story is primarily about the MC progressing to become more 'human', he enjoys the warm feeling of love and care from a paternal family which is progress. Character Design: So far I can say that reading only 10 chapters, the MC has character. I admired the way he greeted his son's betrayal, even though it's not very 'realistic' in human terms I still enjoyed reading it nevertheless. Perhaps I've grown tired of the common trope, 'You, a haughty young master stared at my girl? Prepare for the nine familial exterminations.' Yet, this is also the character's double-edged sword. (You get the feeling that since he can greet death so casually, why won't he just do the same in his next life? — This may just be my own personal agenda against tropes like these, many readers would enjoy this type of MC though, so no massive complaints here.) The writer is able to give a seperate and unique personality to his main cast, so it doesn't feel like that we the readers are reading 2D cardboard cut-outs. So here's my conclusion, if you enjoy the magical world of 'elves', 'demons' etc you will probably enjoy this novel. Personally, it's not my cup of tea, the novels I enjoy are less main-stream. (The types of MC I admire also differ to this type of MC portrayed by the writer, but I can't comment on 'Writing Quality' in the review due to my personal preferences.) Overall Review: 4/5 (For an original it's definitely above average, but would I compare it to the likes of a novel like CCG, or perhaps even the averagely translated Shadow Hack? No fucking way.) My personal recommendations: Doomed To Be Cannon Fodder, Transmigator Meets Reincarnator, EMHS, Lord Xue Ying If anyone wants me to do an in-depth review, simply @reply to me in one of my reviews and I'll do a truthful in-depth review if I can actually understand the flow of the writing. (I write these reviews so that the section for determining whether someone reads a story is actually truthful and not full of deceit.)

davidwarren1111196
davidwarren1111196Lv11
Datan
DatanLv4
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