Chapter 12

July 9, 2020

People can change in an instant, they can go from being the one you love and trust to being nothing. I still don't know why he left, in fact, I never saw him again after that day. It's been a year, I think he would've shown up by now if he wanted to talk to me

I guess we're meant to lose some things. If we don't, how will we learn to rely on ourselves? Last year, I don't think I knew how to live without him. I think he was my medicine, trying to heal me from the loss of an older sister. Maybe I was merely a game to him, a little girl who was too blind to see the signs. Either way, I like to believe that I was meant to meet him, just not to stay with him. I'll always cherish my memories of nights spent wrapped up in his arms, but I think it's time for me to move on. To learn how to live without every single thing leading to him.

I don't think it will ever stop hurting, or there will be a day where I don't think of him. In fact, I don't think anything ever stops hurting, I think we just stop acknowledging the pain. I believe it's the same thing with thoughts; we never stop thinking of someone, we only stop acknowledging the thoughts.

Honestly, I'm glad he left me. I don't think I would have ever left him on my own; after all, he was my blanket on a cold night.

My umbrella in the pouring rain.

He was my safe place.

He was my home.

Even now, a year later, I'm still learning how to let go and live without him.