Odd

Out of everyone in the room, it was only natural that the most composed of the lot would come out of his stupor first.

"How, no...you understand us?" Carlisle spoke as if he was attempting to communicate, while at the same time comprehending some great and profound discovery that he just made.

"You heard him, of course he can understand us!" Alice followed immediately, her overly exaggerated eyes almost the size of her head in the instant that it took for her to zip her way over to the baby and stare down at him.

'Yes, I can understand.' The incredibly strange voice that somehow mixed immature and mature into one spoke in their minds again. None but the baby noting just how freaked out Edward was from where he was standing next to Bella's asleep self.

"How?" Carlisle asked, seemingly giving up on trying to form his own conclusions and instead going straight to the source.

'That is both a simple and complex answer. First, if you would not mind, I would like to be bathed. This is not comfortable.'

They all stared at the newborn baby. Each of them thinking whatever thoughts go through the minds of intelligent beings when presented with the unknown, until they collectively reached a consensus.

"I've got it," Rose was the first to volunteer/implicitly state. "I'm coming too!." Alice moved along with her. "I'll get clean towels." Esme added helpfully. Each of them moving to the bathroom connected to the room and all vying for the opportunity to wash the great one.

(Baby P.O.V)

Okay, okay, okay. This is going far better than I originally believed possible.

Their balance had been completely thrown off and it became easy to use that opportunity to continue right on with the wacky shit, before they had the chance to think rationally.

Now, after I am cleaned from all this after-birth, while they will have calmed down and will more than likely be less prone to follow my pace as they had been, it is already too late for them to gain the upper hand. They lost that when they allowed me to control the pace. No matter how they attempt to reestablish some normalcy, the flow has already been established. Now it's up to me to maintain it, while they calm themselves and get their minds working properly.

After all, I'm going to need all hands on deck for this next part and I cannot have these free-wheeling hippies putting my life in danger because they want to talk it out with the wolves.

Jacob will more than likely be returning some time later in the evening. It's fortunate Bella has kept both him and Edward out of her space for the last few days. I will need them to continue this, at least until her transition is complete, then the odds will be more in our favor and they will be less likely too charge straight ahead if Bella is out in front, as opposed to her being out of sight.

Hmm, it's only just now that I notice that my body has hardly registered the change in temperature even after I made my grand exit from the womb.

Rosalie's hands, the water in the bath, the air in my surroundings. None of it has made me feel any discomfort. If anything, every single sense feels completely comfortable. Like my being is being hugged by the world and my senses are completely in tune with my surroundings.

Odd...and welcomed.

I brace my abs, as I am lifted out of the water, and wait while one final pitcher is poured over my head.

I have no doubt that the wolves are already suspicious. The Cullens have been out of sight for far too long. I will need to speed things up.

I look up at the young looking woman who has not let me out of her sight since I made my getaway through that runway. 'There is something I need to say to everyone.'

I can see the look of concern in her eyes.

I don't need to read her mind to know that she is worried about my entire irregular situation and wondering if everything will be okay. A part of me wishes I could comfort the girl. She has wanted a baby in her life for so so long and now that she has one, it's an incredibly adorable baby that talks in her mind.

I can see her cause for concern.

However, she still rubs her finger up and down on my chubby cheek, and says "okay."

My not yet powerful form is wrapped in a warm towel that only brings more comfort to my already comfortable skin, and I am brought back into the room where everyone is still standing and had been whispering, but are now looking at me.

The looks in their eyes vary, but its apparent that they are all prepared to listen. These people are way too kind-hearted. I would've already chucked the demon baby out a window. . . Just kidding.

'Before we get to the talking baby of it all, some of you need to go be seen moving throughout the house. The watcher wolves outside should be growing restless. It would not be good if they know I am born, yet.'

They all don varying degrees of mild shock at me for knowing the situation. Worry at the thought of fighting wolves at the moment. And most of all question marks above their heads, because mind talking baby.

However, their rational thinking has returned and Carlisle and Jasper can see the logic.

"Alice, Jasper, Emmitt, and Esme, go walk out front and talk about how it should be any day now that Bella gives birth. And then, go about your day as if everything is normal." Is he throwing shade? "We will try and speak so you can hear, without it traveling outside our home's walls."

They all moved immediately.

It is only now that I realize how fast their thought processes must be when they want them to, and just how fast mine must now be without me even noticing in order for me to keep up with their line of thinking.

"Now, then." Carlisle says turning his head in my direction, as he attempts to reestablish his pace. Not happening.

'I will start at the beginning.' I say, cutting off whatever he was going to say next. Only this baby controls the flow of conversation! 'It began when I first "awoke" during my gestation period. I did not know what was happening or even what I was. All I knew was a feeling. One of pain." I do not feel the need to convey the emotion to them, they look genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of my baby self feeling pain.

'I had no knowledge or understanding. I did not know what to do. So, I did what any blank slate would do. I reached out. Attempting to grab onto something, anything, to escape the feeling. That is when I felt them. Something different, outside of what I was feeling. There were several different feelings, but somehow I knew that they were all outside of me. So I kept reaching and reaching. I do not know how much time it took, however.'

That is when I decided to show them. Calling upon my counterpart in some other universe or perhaps this universe if I had not highjacked the egg or seed or whatever, and I conveyed to them what they would perceive as my memory of the entire thing.

I showed them it all from my supposed perspective. Me feeling the different emotions around me. Reaching out to them. Connecting to the minds attached to those emotions. Then, I showed them what seemed to be me, unintentionally grasping every single memory in their minds, however all they could view were my feelings, as I gained an understanding of each, what I now knew to be people. And understanding of how to communicate. And understanding of each emotion they felt and all the events in their lives. And then my understanding of what I was feeling. Hunger.

From their perspective, it all seemed rushed. Like my mind was desperately attempting to take in as much as it could in order to connect with them, that I ended up seeing every moment of their lives and feeling all that they felt. Of course, this was absolute bullshit, but it was necessary bullshit if I wanted to be taken seriously, as a newborn fucking baby. Furthermore, it would also facilitate the fact that I can comprehend, dictate, and operate in a way that one can only accomplish by being taught. Everything comes down to, I know everything every single one of you has ever known. I got the idea from the ability that Aro possesses. Where he can view every thought and moment of an individuals life the moment he grasps their hand. I made it seem as though, I did the exact same thing, only without the touching and heavy breathing......and it worked.

Every. single. fucking. bloodsucker. in the room looked absolutely mortified.

If I did not have the absolute need and had absolutely no interest in being treated like a baby, I would have had a fit of the giggles at the expressions on their faces.

It's like they had been caught with their pants down. Hahaha. Give your balls a tug, you fucking pansies...that reminds me, I wonder if Letterkenny will still be a thing in this world? Irrelevant. For now......

This is taking way too long. These overly dramatic fucks have frozen in shock. THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES! I feel so very tempted to throw a "fucking get after it," into to the room, but I know that sometimes, no matter how fast one processes information, being dramatic takes precedence. So, I wait.

Right up until, I feel a drop of liquid hit my magnificent head.

I am about to look up, however I stop myself. My incredibly proficient mind making it so the answer came to me before I even needed to confirm.

Rosalie is leaking acid...and I do not like that one bit.

A part of me knew that would happen. When I originally came up with this plan, the thought flew through my mind so fast that I did not focus on it really at all. After all, this is just business, and I need to get shit done.

However, there is one thing to speculate on a matter and an entire different thing to see the outcome.

She is acknowledging the fact that the little baby in her arms, saw her at what she believes to be her worst. An entire series of events that she had yet to accept about herself.

It leaves a bad feeling in the pit of my baby abs...but I had already accepted the outcome when I concocted the plan. No point in bitching about it now.

Or ever...So, I do as I have always done. Take action.

I flex my hands. Something that a normal baby would not have been able to do, but you forget. I am super baby!

Instantly, I look up at that beautiful crying face and I raise my mighty arms and pull myself up her divine shirt that covers her mounds of glory until I am able to rest my palm on her chin as she makes eye contact with me. And then...I pull her in. Classic Renesmee style.

If there were visual effects, they would show her perspective zooming into my eye and then connecting with my emotions and the memories that I have of hearing every single second that she spent speaking to Bella's stomach. Rubbing it. Singing to it. That I truthfully only gained from Bella's mind when I first "woke" back up. Then, I convey to her my feelings upon making my glorious exit and being held in her arms and the first time I opened my eyes to be welcomed to the sight of her face and the level of comfort and warmth she provided me, even if I did dial it up to one hundred. From my perspective, it was all far far far too overly emotional. But she needed it, and this Daddy will always give a beautiful woman what she needs, especially if she loves me, like she does. It's only right.

I can see the venom cease leaking from her eyes and her non-beating heart, calm down. Then, she is pulled out of my zoomed in eye ball, and a beautiful smile graces her face.

If every single ridiculously over the top dramatic moment can get me one of those smiles, I might just...STOP! No, no, no, no, nope. I refuse to be sucked into the lifestyle of the slow-motion walking, piano in the dark playing, sumbitches that make up this world. ...I mean, I might throw a cutie a bone every now and then and let my hair billow in the wind. BUT at no point and at no time will I ever, AND I MEAN EVER, stare longingly into anyone's eyes while we sit in a fucking meadow and if I EVER even say the words spider-monkey other than in a scientific setting, I might just have to fall on a literal sword. Seppuku by way of cringe. IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING! *kicks a trashcan*.

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(A/N: Additional chapters are on patreon.com/TheGreatestHunter. Check it out. Hey!)