The greed to be just like you

Colin

We get to the community the next day, and luckily Tala doesn't get car sick. She is the first to jump out of the car when we arrive. "Finally!" she exclaims excitedly. She is dressed in a pair of biker shorts and a very tiny crop top. Her hair is up in a messy bun and her phone is strapped around her neck on a rope. The boots she has on are tattered and worn out.

I on the other hand am dressed in long slacks and a plain shirt. The weather is hot and I know I should have worn shorts, but I have never been a fan of my legs. They are so skinny, and Colm never stops calling them "toothpick legs."

A man and a woman walk up to us, and I take it they are the welcoming committee. It is pretty early, but they have been waiting for us, so I can understand why they would be here.

"Welcome, Darrien and Jabi," the man is the first to speak up.

Uncle D smiles and instead of a handshake, he hugs the man. "Labradoodle, who would have thought you would show up here?" he exclaims as he hits the man's back playfully. I don't know who this man is, but it seems like Uncle D and J know who he is.

"You know that nickname is getting old," the man points out with a chuckle.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he asks when they pull away from each other.

"Around the world. The adventure never stops, man. " The man tells him this happily. I watch them as they continue to converse.

"Who are they?" I ask Tala.

"Just a bunch of old people that are friends with dads," she shrugs and pulls me away from them. I guess they are not the welcoming committee. I mean, why would there be a welcoming committee for us? It is not like we are important people.

"Wake your brother up, let's go exploring." She drags me further down the compound. The Greenspring community is different from ours. Their compound space is a lot bigger, and they are surrounded by trees and the forest. There are springs and lakes. It is actually beautiful when you look at it.

I dial Colm's number and he answers after a couple of rings, "It is seven in the morning, what?" he shouts into the phone.

"Where are you?" I ask.

"My room, actually our room. Are you here? "

"Yeah, Tala told us to go exploring. We are going to the lakes. Meet us there?"

"I am tired. Last night was so exhausting. Dad wanted me to meet everyone, and I mean that literally."

"Did you meet her?'' I ask.

"She is even more beautiful in person,'' he answers, knowing who I am talking about immediately. I take a deep breath as I imagine how it would feel if she was the one. I want this to be as stress-free as possible, and somehow, it looks like it would be with her.

"Meet us by the lake,'' I tell him immediately, hanging up before he refuses.

I might not be the same with Colm, but we will always be brothers, and he will always be the one that I end up telling things to. There is this bond, one that nothing can break—even my insecurities.

"Dad is going to be so mad when he notices that we ditched,'' she wiggles her brows as her smile widens.

"He will be so pissed that I followed you.''

She laughs, and we walk into the forest and in the direction of the lake. Once we get there, I smile because a swim doesn't seem like a bad idea.

"Fuck, the weather is so hot,'' she screams out to the skies.

I smile as she starts to take off her clothes, "Bad idea Tala, someone could come and find us."

"That's the point of the lake, swimming,'' she continues to take off her clothes. I watch her until she is in her underwear. Being naked is nothing new to us. I have seen her naked so many times. She has seen me naked so many times. I hate being naked, but no one knows how I feel. No one knows the thoughts that run through my head when I think people are looking at my body.

"Come on, Collie, you know you want to.'' she jumps into the lake without waiting for me.

I look around and everywhere is empty. I should just let go of everything and dive in with her. I want to, but I don't at the same time. I watch her as she goes under the water, and after a couple of seconds, she comes out and her hair is soaked wet.

"It feels great on the skin. Let go of your worries and jump in."

I shake my head as she continues to swim, "I will just wait until you are done,'' I look around and see a rock that I could sit on. She groans, but she doesn't stop swimming. I take my phone out of my pocket as I wait for Colm. After about thirty minutes, I close the book app on my iPhone as Tala comes out of the lake.

"Where's your brother?''

"Probably taking another bubble bath,'' I roll my eyes. I am mocking, but Colm would never be caught dead taking a bubble bath. That is something I do and am not proud of. There is just a lot I am not proud of that I can't talk about.

"You know, I don't so shit like that." I hear his voice before I see him. His hair is wet, almost like he just got out of the shower. He is dressed in a black sleeveless shirt and black shorts. He is tall confident, and very handsome. Everything I should have been being his twin.

"Uncle Darrien is looking for you guys,'' he tells me as he gets closer to us. I stand up as he stops in front of us. Tala is fully dressed now "How are you feeling?'' he asks her with a worried expression on his face.

"Good, it was just a long ride. I should go find my dad, we will meet up later," she tells me and walks away. Colm leads me into one of the houses in the community and to our room. We have been to this community a lot of times over the years. They are our closest allies.

"There's this dinner tonight, that would be a good opportunity to meet her,'' he tells me as I sit down on the bed.

He knows I am interested in her but he doesn't know how desperate I am for this to be it.

I might be aiming a little too high. I should look around, focus on everyone and maybe I would find what I am looking for.

"Yeah, I guess," I tell him with a nonchalant shrug. He sits down on his own bed.

"Dad is worried about you, you know you can talk to me,'' he tells me with a serious expression.

I know I can talk to him but I don't want to talk to him. I want to be like him, I want to be better than him. I want all the things he has, the confidence, the people that surround him. I want all the things I know that I cant have.