Regrets

Colin

"No collie," Tala tells me immediately.

The only reason why I am talking to her about this is the fact I need someone to convince me not to go. No matter how many times I told him no, no matter how many times I told him it was not a good idea, All I want to do is go to his room tonight.

We have a week left at the retreat, and after tonight, I doubt I will ever see him again. This is fun like he said, and it might be just what I need. The fact that I don't really know the guy shouldn't be the determining factor, but at the end of it all, that is all Tala sees.

"I know, but---"

"No Collie, you cannot go to him again. I thought you said it was a one-time thing."

I nod, "It was supposed to be but he wants to see me again and I don't think I can refuse."

"Because you want to see him too."

I nod.

"He was your first, so I understand this attachment, but you cannot possibly think this thing could be more."

"I know,' I let out a sigh of frustration.

"Then why did you agree to this?

"I haven't agreed to anything. I told him I would think about it and I am thinking about it.

She scoffs, "Even if I tell you not to go, you have already made up your mind, Colin." So you better be able to detach yourself from him once this week runs out. "

She stands up from my bed and walks to the door, "Come on, let's go for a swim before the sun sets." She walks out of the room, and I scurry out to catch up with her.

Tala doesn't like what I am doing, and that says a lot because she is the most reckless person I have ever met. I know the kind of person I am and it is not easy for me to just have a fling and that is exactly what this thing with Lowell is.

A fling.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't having fun with him, but I have to keep reminding myself that this is a fling and nothing more. If it gets clouded in my head, I will just end up getting hurt.

When we get to the springs, I see a couple of people out and inside the water.

Ashina is the one I notice first. She is dressed in a swimsuit and her hair is up in a messy bun. She looks up from the book she is reading, and her eyes light up when she notices. I want to run away because memories of my drunken night sweep my mind.

"Oh, Barbie doll is watching you," Tala points out as we walk to the other side of the lake. She drops the blanket she brought with her and I sit down next to her.

My eyes have been on her because the sun on her is such a beautiful sight that I can't seem to look away. There is no resemblance between her and her brother. I would never have even known that they were related. Her eyes are hazel and her hair is blond. It is a combination that feels like it was made for her. I grab the book I am reading and try to get comfortable.

"I am going into the water," Tala nudges my shoulder before she leaves me. I watch as she stops in front of the guy from the other night. He says something to her, but I don't pay attention. I know he is not important to her. This is what she does. Flings, which is what I am supposed to be doing with Lowell.

I am so sure that I can do this even though Tala doesn't seem to think so, and I am so damn sick and tired of always comparing everything I do with them. It is almost like I have based my life off of them, and it is to the point where I feel like I am living in their shadow.

"Do you mind?" I hear her voice before I even look up, and I know that I should really answer her, but my heart thuds heavily because I just know that I am about to say something stupid. "Colin," she calls my name. The sound of her voice is soft. Her angelic voice washes over me and I am completely drawn in by the wave of emotion that flows through me when she says my name.

I look up at her and she has a warm smile on her face, standing above me and covering the sunlight. "Can I sit with you?'' she asks again, because of my silence.

I nod because, apparently, I don't have the words. I don't know how to respond to a beautiful woman.

"Thank you,'' she says as she sits on the blanket next to me, intentionally not touching me. "Do you not want me here?'' she asks.

I look at her again and she has a worried expression on her face. "No, I just don't know what to say," I confess, and this widens her smile.

"I am nervous too.''

I furrow my brows in confusion, "Why?''

There is no reason for her to be nervous. I am the one that made a fool of myself the last time I saw her, and it seems like I am doing the same thing again.

"I don't know, I kind of expected you to talk to me again after that night, but it seems like you have been avoiding me."

I haven't been avoiding you; I have just been so engrossed in your brother. Thinking about Lowell again has me feeling guilty about this conversation.

"I was drunk that night and I acted stupidly.''

She nods, "Yeah, but it was the most fun I have had on this trip. So maybe it wasn't such a stupid thing you did.''

I manage a smile as she opens her book, and that is my invitation to do the same. Ashina is a beautiful girl and any guy would be lucky to have her but she just gave me the answer that I needed. If I had to choose between the two of them, It would be him.

I might come to regret all my decisions, but at the end of life, what is the point if you don't have any regrets.