Live for now

Colin

"Is it possible to be attracted to someone who is not your mate?"

Uncle Darrien looks at me with one raised brow of curiosity. "Yeah, totally," he answers. "Are you interested in someone here? "he adds.

I glance away for a second. I don't even think it is a good idea to talk to anyone about this because it is pretty obvious that Lowell doesn't want anyone to know. It's not like I am saying I want to tell the world. I just don't want to do anything to upset him, especially since we are supposed to meet up tonight.

"No, it was just a thought."

"You seem eager to find your mate. Are you actually looking now?" he asks.

I shook my head immediately "No, not at all. I'm just wondering how it works. I know you are not supposed to have sex with your mate, but how would you really know? "

He smiles, "Trust me, Colin, you will know when you find that person. There will be no confusion."

I think about my evening with Lowell, and that should tell me everything that I want to know. I mean, he is the one... or maybe it is just my mind confusing me and aching for him to be the one. I don't even know anything anymore.

"Do you always know from a touch? "

"It is different with everyone, but yeah, a touch should make it clear," He takes a sip of his wine. "You know, you can tell me what is going on because I can tell that there is something going on.

I know I can, but I don't know how to. I should talk to someone about this. I know I should.

"I met someone the other night and I felt things that I have never felt for anyone, but when we touched, I didn't feel all those things that they said I would feel. I didn't see the future, I didn't see the life I would have with him. "

"Hmm."

I feel like there is something wrong with me.

"Hmm, what? Do you think there is something wrong with me? "

"No."

"Then what do you think?"

When Uncle Jabi comes to our table, he is about to respond, but I shake my head. I don't want us to talk about this with other people. I just want to figure out why everything is so messed up.

He says, "Hey kiddo," and he ruffles my hair as he sits down next to his partner.

I smile as he grabs his plate and starts to eat. I look away from them and face my dinner. Tala is at another table with another guy. I wish I could be like her. I wish I could be like my brother but the one person I am interested in is only interested in me in the dark.

Uncle D slides closer to me and whispers to me "If you like this person, then have fun. Don't think about the future and the what-ifs. Do not think about your wolf and what it wants. Just live for the now.'

His words resonate inside me. For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to something and I don't want to mess that up. I just want to be happy.

********************

Once Colm falls asleep, I quietly get off my bed and put on a fresh pair of clothes. He is a light sleeper, but he had a couple of drinks tonight, so it was easy for me to sneak around.

I tiptoe through the hall and open up the front door. I quietly close it behind me and make my way around the villa, heading into the front garden and to the other houses. I see the one that the shadow pack is staying at and I wait. It is quiet and dark outside, but I hear footsteps before I see him.

A smile creeps on his face when he notices me in a corner, waiting for him. "You came."

"I did."

He takes a step closer to me and I watch him until he is so close to me. His blue eyes light up with passion, and my breath catches in my chest.

Kiss me.

Those are the words that are stuck in my head, and he seems to be able to read them because his lips press against mine in a kiss so passionate it leaves me melting into his soft touch. His lips part and his tongue sweep into my mouth, tasting me and wanting more of me, which becomes the only thought in my mind as well. His hands make their way down my back, and I shiver at his touch, pressing my aching body into his hard planes of muscle as I feel his erection against my belly.

"God, you feel so good," he grunts while he tips my head back and kisses me deeper, running his strong hands up the sides of my body.

"We should go to your room. What do you think?" I ask him.

"Okay with you?" He smiles down at me.

I nod immediately, and he grabs my hand and leads me into the house. Unlike me, he walks in with no fear of being caught. He is the Alpha of his pack, and he has this energy about him that gives no room for fear. I have to curl my shoulders in as I follow him through the kitchen and into his room on the right side of the house. It's a nice, big bedroom, almost the same size as ours, but there is just this feeling to it that is him.

"Come on," he says, closing the door as I follow him.

I sit down on the edge of the bed, and he sits down beside me. He puts his hand on my knee, gripping it tight.

I reach over, taking his other hand in my own and kissing him on the cheek. "You are shaking," he points out.

"Yeah, I am kind of nervous."

He nods, "You've never been with a man before?"

"I have never been with anyone before.''

He nods "Okay, do you want to do this?''

I nod.

I have never wanted anything as much as I want him at this moment right now. Uncle Darrien is right, I shouldn't think about the future. I just want to have fun with this beautiful man.