The List

'That's the second time in as many days,' Elon pondered to himself. He's talking of course, of passing out. He was thinking about how bad things come in threes, but didn't want to say it out loud. Not because of superstition, but because his lip was swollen and covered in clotted blood. Combined with the pain around his left eye, he figured he looked quite a sight.

Elon was started and alert after hearing rustling to his side, but calmed down after he noticed it was just Skeever. "Yo." He groaned. "You alright, Skeeves?"

"Yea." He replied slowly. "I don't feel as bad as you look though."

Elon snorted to himself, "Ass. Just wait though, I'll break through Nascent Profound Realm and that 'lordy lord lord' will be crying for mercy." He paused thoughtfully. He was about to ask Skeever why he stayed behind, but that would be too much. He stayed. They're bros. Simple.

The boy thought about how he could increase his power the fastest. Skeever was cool in his book, but the cultivation novels always talked about how birds die for wealth and that mades perfect sense to Elon. But, if he slightly changed his soul devouring secret treasure... He'll be the best MC possible.

"I have... a special physique... that only lets me increase my cultivation if I... absorb... the Profound energy of a dying... Profound Beast. That's why... I asked you to come to the cliff side with me." Getting the words out was painful. Not because it was hard to tell the secret, but because his face hurt so bad. How could people write about main characters dealing with soul rending pain and wounds that would kill a mortal man? That's bullshit. Panda eyes and a cut lip are painful enough as it is.

"Huh?" Skeever looked at him sideways. He had a swollen face as well, but obviously this kid wasn't as much of a bitch as Elon and spoke without groaning between words. "Why don't you just sneak into the kitchens that the chief's cooks use? He only eats food that is freshly killed and freshly cooked. I get the leftovers sometimes."

"Motherfucker!" Elon gasped as he ignored the pain. "Undercover operation time. If only I used a secret identity, I could knock off one of the items on my wuxia bucket list!"

"Elon?" Skeever asked. "What do martial heroes have to do with your bucket list?"

"Ahem. Listen here, young grasshopper." Elon coughed into his hand. He stood up straight and spoke eloquently, despite his fat lip and face-crushing pain. "In the countless myriad worlds there exists countless unique practitioners of the Profound Way. Many of these fill certain stereotypes and because of that, heroes throughout the ages get thrust into similar scenarios as they quest for power and immortality!"

"Humans can't live over 50,000 years..." Skeever inserted his thought in the middle of the dramatic pause.

"My friend, that is only the apex of the Divine Way. There are always heavens over heavens. That's just how these things work. The True Gods of the Primordial Era were stronger than today's practitioners of the Divine Way and what are we mortals to claim that there is no higher realm than that of the True Gods? You must think large or you will contain yourself in a quarantine just as the Ocean Turning Divine Sect does to us!"

"That's..." Skeever's jaw hung to the floor. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I have been thinking too small. But that's..."

"Don't worry, Skeever, process it on your own time, but the wuxia bucket list is important too, it will show you some situations to look for when figuring out who might be a 'Heaven's Chosen Child.' Those types of people always cross out many of the items on the list." Elon lectured sternly.

"These are in no particular order, but let us start with the most relevant one. The one we just encountered!"

Skeever gasped at the words, mesmerized by the lecture.

"Yes, we just did, but only a minor rendition, not worthy to truly mark off an item on the wuxia bucket list, but still!" Elon decided it was finally time to get to the point. "Young masters. People who have great status because their relatives either rule the city, country, or sect that they live in are REAL young masters. Not a slightly talented village boy who calls himself lord."

Skeever waited as Elon paused again. A tiny voice in the back of his head was telling him the the theatrics were suspicious and he should not to be conned by the boy in front of him, but he ignored it.

"Young masters get everything handed to them, so they think people should stay out of their way and bow to their presences. Some will even send their lackeys to sentence people to death because that person was in the young master's path! But! When a 'Heaven's Chosen Hero' is sentenced to death, he fights back, slaughtering the lackey and the young master, especially when that young master gets on his lowly knees and begs for mercy. It has to be carried out, 'Heaven's Chosen Heroes' have their pride and must repay grievances 10,000 times over!" Elon exclaimed. "Of course, once the young master is killed, the hero must sometimes kill the person the young master relied on for his status when they come for revenge. Sometimes, the hero must kill the young master's backer's father's father until no one is left in 9 generations!"

Elon got as entranced in his bucket list as his listener did. He talked about how heroes act and how it leads to lucky opportunities. From befriending fatties that later show talents in one special area, jack-of-all-trades renaissance men, how you must ONLY repay kindness 100 times while revenge is always 10,000 times, how non-humans suffering from prejudice that later become boons, talking weapon spirits, old man masters in rings, the concept of beginner villages, fairy-like females that lose their personalities after they fall for their hero, how people considered trash as children and unable to cultivate are always special because of motivation and destiny, beautiful female masters that fall for their amazing students, how lecherous people with high cultivation act, and everything else on his list that he could think of.

By the end of the lecture, little Skeever trudged back to his sleeping spot, unaware of how bloody his body still was. He was still pondering the information from the day. Skeever hadn't seen much of the world, but he'd seen how people with high cultivation act when they have exhausted all their talent and settled in life. Most of all though, he checked out when Elon mentioned legal loli virgins.

He can't help it, even though he is just a small child, Auntie Hess has given him an emotional scar that lead him to be terrified of mature women or anyone that has the potential to become one.

Skeever is now the second person that thinks of Elon as a main character.