-3-

It takes about an hour to get downtown but I've never noticed how far the bus drive is; Baba used to fill that time with stories. When he ran out of stories he often asked me to imagine a soundtrack for the ride and look out the window. He had a theory that the imagined soundtrack in everyone's head would instantly change once we step into the other part of town.

It was true! Whenever we are on the bus and closer to my part of town, the music in my head would be of alternative/indie vibes. Yet once we step out of the tunnel leading downtown, I see calm colors and neatly organized street lights polls and the music suddenly changes into R&B/Soul type. I like both genres, I like both parts.

But today my mind was distracted, maybe because the few people who sat next to me wouldn't leave me in peace.

The first man who sat beside me was quite chatty. He asked why I was headed downtown, where I lived, and constantly mentioned the weather, how it's starting to get warmer. Perfect barbeque weather he said.

I'm a fan of barbeque outings. There isn't enough space around here to sit and barbeque so there's this huge deserted park half an hour north from our part. It has no sign but the locals call it The Baggy Park – that's where I saw the shooting star. It's often empty until it is the season for barbeques and picnics, which I personally think is too hot for barbeque.

The park is clean but is surrounded by walls of dead trees that are filled with empty plastic bags. One day the locals decided to go and clean it up and plant some new trees. But they figured it was actually pretty! So, they simply left the decorated dead trees with plastic bags alone and planted new trees behind them.

We barbeque there because it's a good sight; everyone would be there. People would share recipes and exchange plates. If anyone forgot to bring utensils or condiments, the whole town is already there. Just shout MAYO? And someone will toss one right at you. In a friendly way of course, unless you're that kid who got hit by a ketchup bottle and ended up with a swollen face.

The chatty man left the bus right before we went into the tunnel. After him sat a girl who randomly told me she looks up to her dad; apparently he had 7 kids but kept fit! Someone should tell her the moms are the ones who carry the baby. Then a few people sat next to me but they all didn't sit for long; they did manage to bring up the weather.

The last to sit next to me was a middle aged, well-dressed lady who then I realized was blind. She smelled nice, I like it when people smell nice. It's probably the first thing I notice about a person.

Baba used to tell me no matter how short of money we are he'd still include perfumes and colognes in our budget. I'm glad I'm out of my uniform today, I just showered and got into my clothes and put a little perfume. Finally, I don't smell of outside.

The bus stopped right where Blue-March said by the Farmer Market.

"How's my lipstick?" the blind lady next to me asked facing me. It was perfect.

"Perfect."

She smiled and thanked me. We got off the bus and she seemed to be headed where I was, to Irish'sh Froshht, which was just across the street. She was a few steps closer to it and walked in. I swear if she wasn't here walking in front of me I would've smashed my nose into the door and felt embarrassed enough to go back home.

The place is crowded, probably the biggest bakery I've ever seen. It smelled of coffee and sugar, can you smell sugar? I don't know, the air just smells of sweetness.

"BLISSS!!! COME GET COFFEE"

I heard this and froje in my place.

"Security guard! Why do you freeze when people call on you?" I saw Danielle, it was hard not to spot her short messy purple hair.

She went to the pick-up counter and grabbed my coffee from Juicy-Scarlett's hand who yelled, "hope you like americano."

"We get off in a bit, sit with us" Danielle said holding my coffee and walking towards me, I can't believe how frojen I am.

She took my hand and basically pulled me through the crowds of people and put my coffee on the corner table in front of an empty seat and was off. Blue and another girl were sitting on it, I assume that's Irish, the one I haven't met yet. She does look expensive!

Her hair is tied in a long, black and shiny French braid. Her neck holds a necklace of a black pearl; I've never seen one before. She seems to be one of those people who egjactly know what would fit them; she's dressed well, poised and her back is not hunched as mine. It almost feels like the only thing she's done wrong was naming this bakery.

"Look how tiny you are without a uniform!" Blue said, I forgot how rigid her face is. I smiled though, nervously as if I'm meeting her for the first time…

"I'm Iris" Irish said.

"Ah, I'm Bliss." Like I have anything else to say!

"I know honey," she said looking at me with a smile, "I hear you write things!" she's definitely the smiley one. The moment I landed my eyes on her I saw her smile, that one that comes naturally.

"No, I wrote one thing."

"Cool."

They seem like a bunch of girls who knew each other long enough. I thought I would be afraid of talking but they weren't really talking. It's like no one felt the pressure to talk, they just be together.

I looked at the farmer's market out the window and politely sipped on my coffee; I don't get the hype about coffee. Blue and Irish were on the corner cushion; Blue looks tired. Now that I realije it, she looked tired every single time I saw her.

She leaned on Irish'sh shoulder while Irish was quietly scribbling something on a paper in front of her. Danielle and Juicy were still handing out coffees, sweets and cupcakes. Juicy has a nametag on and Danielle doesn't.

"Does anyone smell donuts?" Blue asked.

"No" I said. Irish just gave a smile and shook her head while still scribbling.

"She just smells donuts all the time" Irish said, "we don't serve donuts here, unfortunately. Mellow, our head baker refuses the idea because our sign specifically says we only serve baked goods"

"Nothing good about them though" Blue interrupted.

"Like you don't munch on cakes!" Irish said, "also, my brother sells donuts at the coffee shack over there" she pointed to the gas station behind me, "we already excel in selling here, he can have the donuts" she said rolling her eyes at Blue.

"He delivers!" Blue said like she just remembered it, "I'll order now, donut Bliss?"

"Actually yeah, I don't like froshting" I said and gave a nervous smile to Irish who thankfully didn't take offense.

"I don't mind it, but it's a waste of calories really" Blue said, looking down to her phone.

"And donuts aren't?" Irish shrugged.

Danielle said they'll be done in a bit but it is an hour later and the place is still full of people, not as packed but busy. Blue fell asleep on Irish'sh shoulder; this reminds me of Baba. He'd fall asleep during the day so randomly.

When he slept while reading the newspaper it scared me the most. I would stare at him for a while and wait for a movement to make sure he's alive, I'm doing the same with Blue.

That day when she came and hanged with me at the parking building, I was relieved when she suddenly nudged my chair when I thought she'd fallen asleep. I didn't want to bother her sleep but I did want to make sure she was alive.

This time Blue's wearing a bright yellow jacket, a green tee shirt underneath, a white flourish skirt and navy shoes, her size this time. I can't seem to detect a movement of her breathing but she's constantly touching her nose… I wonder if she's dreaming the smell of donuts as well.

"My mom lives in the buildings side too."

Irish started talking to me while still scribbling on her paper. Her fountain pen seems to be running out of ink as I can see now, she's actually writing but the words are half faded.

"I could ask what her name is but it would be useless since I don't know a lot of people."

"Doesn't matter what her name is," she looked up and swiftly went back to scribbling, "my brother and I used to visit until she moved and we lost her whereabouts," she was still writing. I could never multitask, unless I was writing what I'm saying, "she could be miles away but I like to believe she's still there, just across town."

"Wouldn't it be a letdown if she was still there but isn't reaching out?" I thought out loud.

Irish stopped writing and looked at me dead in the eye. Her fringe was parted in the middle and I could finally take a good look of her face.

Apart from her eyes, she could be Blue's fraternal twin if that made any sense. They remind me of twin sisters I knew from school. They weren't identical but were as pretty, one had a sharp rigid face as Blue's and the other had a face oozing with softness as Irish'sh.

"It would" she said, "but then again, I do like it better without her. It even bothers me when people tell me I look like her" she said it and sounded actually convinced.

When Baba didn't like me enough I used to hate it when I laughed and it sounded exactly like his. I loved him to no extent but there was still something in me that held something against him.

"Then why would you like to believe she was right across town?"

"Because," she stuck her pen between 2 pages on her notebook and looked at me, "every time I look at the tall buildings there, I see her! Her, crossing my mind when I see the buildings would be a waste if she wasn't really there."

"I understand."

"Maybe I'll visit you at work one day and then you'll cross my mind instead," she said holding her pen again, "would help me get over this."

Her expressions turned from incredibly vulnerable to genuinely happy as she swiftly looked over my head, "Zaaaaach" she yelled and I just had to look at this person who turned her face around in a split second.

Irish got up and was now standing next to me. She gave this guy a hug as Blue opened her eyes saying "my donut" as if she smelled its arrival.

"Sorry it took me long; my barista was running late and I had to cover for him" the guy gave Blue a small box, she coldly thanked him and squinted at him saying he's always late. She bit into her chocolate donut and her face lit up with joy then gave me the other one. "Was gonna put it on your tab but I'll spare you this time since you finally have someone to eat donuts with" he continued and looked at me and basically caught me staring at him.

"Told you you're Bliss indeed!" Blue was having a joyous moment enjoying her donut humming a song. I feel like it's growing to be one of my favorite moments to see Blue's face turn from rigid to undoubtedly happy.

He on the other hand looked at me and smiled… if this isn't the most familiar face I've ever seen, you know when you see a stranger for the first time and just feel assured solely because of how familiar they look?

"I'm Zachary" he said.

"Jachary" I repeated, "Jjjzzzachary" I repeated feeling embarrassed.

"Don't sweat it" he said still standing, "so you're Bliss?"

"I'm Bliss" we said together.

"Jinx" he pointed at me and I almost punched him, in my head. Well, almost punched him in my head… my face must've expressed how much I didn't want to hear that because he suddenly looked uncomfortable.

Jachary's so broad and tall and doesn't look at all like he could be Irish'sh brother, from the first glance at least. He is undoubtedly handsome though and I've always been wary of attractive people; they're harder to approach.

His eyebrows thick and are close to his eyes that are small. His hair looks like it's growing back after being shaved. His nose is lovely, got a little beauty mark hiding next to it. He's not too bad to look at, not at all bad.

"So, how's the donut?" He asked me.

"Oh" I finally realijed I've been holding on to the donut the whole time, the edges of chocolate touching the tips of my fingers were melted, I took a bite, "it's good"

"I'm glad" he smiled, it reached his eyes and they closed, I can't not smile back at that. "I have to get to work but come around or call for coffee if you get tired of Juicy's."

"No one's reaching for anything but donuts!" Irish interrupted.

"Juicy's coffee is better" Blue sounded like she took offence now taking very tiny bites of the remaining donut she's got.

"Um," I hesitated, "I'm not fond of coffee,".

"Oh, we don't serve tea" Irish looked as if she was in a competition with Jachary and lost.

"Ha! I do!" he looked like the winner here. I guess if I had siblings I'd understand the competitive part of it.

"Congratulations!" Irish said coldly and gave a faint smile. Jachary chuckled and wished us a lovely day and was gone.

"Where were we?" Irish asked looking at me, "yeah, do come by often! Even stay the night, the girls live in an apartment but they stay in my place on weekends, you can join. We just watch movies or think. Family stuff. No agenda no formalities, just company."

"Really? Aren't you afraid I might steal things?" Okay, I should seriously google 'how to avoid invitations without sounding stupid?'

"No," she said so matter-of-factly then laughed. Oh my god she looked at me funny! That's it, I'm gonna leave here and Irish will tell them I'm weird and she'll look at buildings and remember her mom and that weird girl who wanted to steal things from her house!

"I know where you live so don't bail" Blue joked a bit too late, "I said this before but I tend to repeat my jokes cause I'm not good at it"

"Not that they were funny the first time" Irish cracked herself up while Blue preciously yawned.

This is not going as smoothly as I'd wish but it's not as terrible as I imagined. Blue was already asleep face down on the table and Irish was changing the ink's cartridge at last when the words faded to nothingness. The air no longer smelled like anything, I've been sitting here for so long my nose just got used to it.

"Do we clean our babies in dishwashers?" Danielle suddenly sat to my right and was looking back and forth at me and Irish who gave an answer, dismissing the randomness of the question.

"Nope."

"You know how people say take a plate, break it, now apologize to it, did that fix it? And people would answer no and instantly measure that to what one did to their hearts?"

"Yeah," Irish said.

"But our hearts aren't plates or glasses or anything of that sort!" Danielle started and I could tell how much she thought about this, "it doesn't make sense to throw babies in a dishwasher, so it shouldn't make sense to compare a part of us to a fragile object."

"Yeah," Irish said nodding with a smile, "what's this about love?"

"Don't call me that!" Danielle broke her focus to roll her eyes at Irish.

"What's this about ass face?" Irish repeated.

"She was right!" Danielle said and then looked at me, "you were right! It doesn't matter the metaphorical texture people think my heart is made of as long as it feels loving to me. Maybe I can love, regardless of how people see it! I'll just have to find a way to believe it's enough…"

Just like that, as swiftly as she came, she walked away. Irish went back to writing and I was left thinking about what Danielle's just said.

What our closest people say to us could affect us greatly. Perhaps Danielle's family denied her from believing she could love anyone solely because they didn't believe her love for them. They labeled her with something she isn't just because she talks coldly and her face isn't expressive to their liking.

Someone hugged me from the back and I almost screamed, it was Juicy who expressed how happy she was that I finally made it.

She was followed by Danielle then Irish woke Blue up as Juicy told me it was closing time. She asked if I was up to going to Irish'sh place with them. I hesitated but they didn't really wait for an answer. We headed out after they all wished Mellow the baker a goodnight, she didn't look interested.

"Mellow doesn't care" Danielle said, "that's why I like her."

Blue was driving, Irish sat shotgun and I was in the back between Danielle and Juicy who rested their heads on both my shoulders.

The window was showing some sceneries I've never seen this close. The beautiful big houses were even bigger, more beautiful and more intimidating than I've always assumed looking at them from the roof of the parking building.

The parks and gardens are bigger, greener and cleaner. The football courts make me want to go and buy a ball and kick it around. Everything was brighter, the people felt the same but the place looked like an enhanced picture of our part of town. The university was the farthest I've been but this car ride seems to take me further.

We stopped in front of a big wooden gate. Irish clicked a button hanging off her keychain and it opened. There was a long grey drive way leading to a massive ivory house with dark green bricks on top. Irish pressed another button hanging off her huge keychain and a garage door of the 3 to the right lifted and Blue parked in it.

We left the garage and they went inside, they were a few steps into the front door. I walked in as they were turning on the lights. The ground floor was all windows, it was basically a living room and a kitchen and a bunch of bathrooms.

Upstairs was a locked door; it was Irish'sh dad's suite. The rest of the house looked like it was all hers. Her room was a big floral sight, next to it is a screening room that could fit a whole floor from our building, then a library with books perfectly placed, then an office like place I'm guessing that's where she scribbles and writes most. The swimming pool is in the backyard.

Although this house is huge, it's not extravagant in any way. I always thought big houses had sculptures from all over the world, paintings or vases so expensive they wouldn't dare put water and flowers into. But this one is simple, plain and quiet. Looks like a house you just wanted to have but not live in. I wonder if all places felt emptier when bigger.

"Zach lives in the building behind the garage" Irish told me, "it's separate from here and dad's never around, he's somewhere in the world touring with his wife so make yourself at home"

"Um, thank you."

"Sure hun"

"Need to pee, I'll just be a minute, don't start without me like every time." Danielle yelled from the hallway.

"It was just the one time! Get over yourself" Blue yelled behind her, "it was 2 times actually" she confessed to us.

"We watched Amore the last time" Juicy said looking heartbroken, and I finally realijed they were talking about watching a movie, "we all cried so much but Danielle acted like it did nothing to her until we brought the snack bowls downstairs… she hugged the fridge and wouldn't let go until she needed to pee"

"Lies all lies" Danielle's faded yelling came through the wall from the bathroom.

"Where was I when that happened?" Blue looked sincerely shocked.

"Fast asleep" Juicy said, "of course."

"To avoid that happening again, we're finally watching live-action Beauty and The Beast" Irish said looking like the biggest Disney fan, "the animated one's my favorite Disney" she beamed and there was her smile again.

"That movie doesn't make sense to me" Danielle said walking into the room, "I mean, she fell in love with the beast and not the actual guy! What if it happened the other way around?" She looked at us seriously, "whatever, The Muppets is my favorite Disney" they argued and all I thought was that I never watched a Disney before.

"Snacks!" Blue clapped her hands to stop Irish and Danielle's yelling.

I followed them downstairs to the kitchen. It was chaotic how they operated but everyone seemed to know egjactly what they liked.

Irish ordered something online. Blue took a bag of popcorn she popped into the microwave and took a bar of white chocolate and melted it. Danielle chopped some Oreos, which Blue mixed with her popcorn and white chocolate and left it to the side. Juicy opened 3 Cheetos bags, put them in a bowl and topped them with hot sauce. She put forks around it and set it next to the Oreo popcorn.

When the doorbell rang Blue carried her bowl and Juicy took hers and went up. Danielle rushed to the door with Irish to help her carry whatever she ordered. It was 5 raspberry shlushies and a family sijed bag of prawn flavored chips.

It's a running joke in our side of town how people from this part have all that money yet only know one shlushie flavor that they eat with prawn chips. Joke's on us, they taste amazing together!

The movie started, we sat on the ground with snacks and shlushies in front of us. Everything tasted weird at first but then addicting. I've never enjoyed an animated movie this much; this is the first one I watch from start to end without any glitch or lag.

As welcomed as I felt, I wasn't sure I wanted to stay the night. Would be quite weird to wander around this house waiting for the sun to shine then attempt to sleep when everyone's off to work or school.

The credits were rolling and Blue was fast asleep. Dani pulled a sheet over her and we all gathered the empty bowls and shlushie cups and went downstairs. I could see Jachary parking his car in the garage next to Blue's.

"I can't stay" I said nervously.

"No one's forcing you to" Danielle said.

"No, you're staying!" Juicy said innocently… Irish just went out and talked to Jachary.

"Except Juice, of course" Danielle continued.

"It's all so new and sudden, as much as I don't want to stay in my home" I could feel myself getting anxious; I don't like being on the spot "this will take getting used to first."

"It's okay" Juicy gave me a hug and I couldn't tell her how uncomfortable hugs makes me feel, "it takes time."

"This is not my house but you're welcome any time" Danielle said nodding seriously.

"Zach can drive you to the bus stop" Irish came back.

I looked out and Jachary's car was ignited again, he just came back, I don't want him to drive all the way downtown again!

"Come tomorrow or whenever" Juicy said then gave me another hug and I decided I won't tell her how hugs are uncomfortable and if there's anyone I'll let hug me it would be her, "I'm always at the Frost, day shift" the Frosht, I can manage saying that better than Irish'shh Frosht.

"Or we'll just come to your job and take turns pushing that button for you" Danielle said and ran for her life after she'd given me a quick hug; she had to pee. Would be weird to yell at them how much I don't want to be hugged now.

"I'll get on a bus to visit you" Irish said and hugged me, I give up! It seems to be the only way these girls greet, "goodnight"

"Sure, goodnight."

Unsurely, I walked towards the car, I looked back and saw Irish, Juicy and Danielle who was coming back from the bathroom watching me. When they caught glimpse of my eye they all waved, people usually shut the door behind me once I leave.

Jachary reached over and opened the door for me, I thanked him and took the passenger seat stopping myself from telling him I can get the door myself.

"Sorry, the seatbelt is broken" Jachary said steering the wheel, "I'll be careful."

"It's okay."

"Bliss?"

I opened my eyes, I fell asleep! I panicked a little, Jachary laughed and asked me to calm down. We were parked by the parking building I work in.

"I need directions to your house"

"No need, I can walk" I feel so heavy and sleepy; I was dreaming that I was still awake…

"Just tell me where to go"

Half asleep, I gave him directions to my building. I mistakenly made him take the first right turn instead of the second and I was lost for a moment but I managed through.

We passed by a building that's a block away from mine, Jachary stared at it with a hint of a smile. My unconscious mind wondered if their mom used to live there.

"I'll walk you up"

"Maybe I live on the ground floor; why would you assume I'm walking up?" I asked trying to seem smart but feeling stupid.

"Do you live on the ground floor?"

"No." Now I look stupid as well but he smiled, "I'm not making you climb to my floor! Too many steps" I said looking at him, he looked weird all of a sudden staring at my building. "Um, you okay?" I asked, he took a few seconds before looking down at me.

"Yeah," he gave a faint of a smile, "hey, do you know the guy with the scar?" he said drawing what looked like Baba's scar on his face with his finger. I nodded.

For some reason I still thought I'd walk into the apartment and see Baba waiting on his armchair watching TV. Yet now that Jachary asked about him, my heart gave a thud for realijing I'd walk home and I'll be alone.

"How do you know him?" I asked.

"Maybe I'll tell you about it next time when I give you a ride and you don't fall asleep" he tried to joke, "goodnight Bliss."

"Goodnight Jachary" damn it I said it out loud again and it sounded weird!

He turned around reaching for his car door and yelled, "Jack for short," with a grin, "walk in so I can drive away."

As much as I'd like to finish my sleep right now, I can't. It's still dark out and it's starting to feel like this fear I have isn't going anywhere.

The following day after Baba's passing, I couldn't sleep. Purely out of thinking too much about what had happened, which resulted in the story I've written and read in Juicy's class.

After that I went home and sat on my armchair staring at the mustard ceiling for so long I got up and realized how much I needed to pee. Not to mention, the sun was already down and I was too tired to live another waking moment.

Something happened to me a few years back that denied me of a goodnight sleep. Baba would argue that it shouldn't have affected me to this extent, but it got to my head. After all these years of not experimenting with fears that aren't social, I grew afraid of the dark.

To help me fall asleep at night, Baba put up a special dim light in the corner of my room's ceiling. I would turn that light on every night so I could sleep feeling safe, not at all afraid of what I'd open my eyes to.

All these years up until the day Baba passed, that was how I slept. I would turn that dim light on, fall asleep and then wake up to it being turned off. Baba used to wake up around sunshine time every single day to turn that light off so it doesn't bother me when there's enough sunlight in my room.

So, that day after I'd read my story and went back home to sit still for hours until it was bedtime. As I got used to, I turned that dim light on and slept feeling safe unaware of what I'll wake up to.

In the morning I opened my eyes and looked at my window. The sun shining through my yellow curtain was so bright, it made me smile. Then I unconsciously looked at the dim light and it was still on like I left it… that's when I knew for sure Baba was dead. I didn't know what to do other than get up and turn it off.

Until today, I daren't turn that light on; I never want to be reminded of Baba's death first thing in each and every morning. Now I don't sleep unless the sun is out in order not to need a light.

Also, on a second note, I think Jack is a leftie. When he reached for the car door to open it for me, he did so with his left hand. He steered the wheel with it too, I noticed that in the little time I think I was awake in his car. I'm intrigued by such people because there was a moment in my life when I realized left-handed people they existed.

There was a girl seated next to me in some class in some school year. She used to constantly elbow me and it bothered me a lot but I didn't say anything. I kept sighing loudly repeatedly in hopes she'd notice and just quit it… they called Baba in that day; turns out I was sighing so much I worried the teacher but when she figured I was fine she told me that it wasn't funny! That making fun of fellow students with serious breathing issues is rude.

Conveniently, a girl had just suffered an asthmatic seizure during recess the day before. It was the most action packed school day ever since we're low on bullying around here; everyone is neighbors with everyone. The principle made me apologize to the girl with asthma and they let me out early.

I told Baba all about it, that I wasn't making fun of anyone; I just didn't have enough courage to speak out. He felt sorry for me and took me to the little Ferris Wheel, I loved that Ferris Wheel. It was so tiny, it only had 6 carts. It was manual as well, 6 kids would go on each cart and the man operating it would constantly push the carts with force to keep it moving.

One day we went to where the tiny Ferris Wheel was and it was gone. I sat where it once stood and cried when I felt like all my sorts of comfort weren't permanent, and I was left with Baba who I loved and hated me.

Our relationship wasn't at its best yet and that was the first time I ever cried in front of him. When he saw me bawling he sat next to me and told me that he'll work hard and take me somewhere with the biggest Ferris Wheel possible, once he could afford it. Even though we never got to do that, I'd like to think that he remembers it.

After that day Baba started to get to know me, talk to me and would point out every time we laughed together at the same stupid thing nobody else would've laughed at.

But what made the following days after I'd cried in front him the best days of my childhood was that he quit calling me Bliss and started coming up with nicknames to call me with until he settled with: "Yagalbi" having a name that is completely my own meant the world to me.

In his head, Bliss was only my sister, so he wanted me to be called something different in means of starting all over.

How I miss being called Yagalbi! I feel like that name died with Baba. If only Charlie were still around I would've still had that name. He would've written it on a flashcard but it counts.

Oh, and the girl seated next to me in school who elbowed me nonstop wasn't doing it intentionally. I later found out not all people only use their right hand; she was a leftie. I was elbowed into finding one my fondest memories.