Where Is My Sanity Going?

I watched him come down the stairs and walk over to me all happily, I just smiled back as he grabbed a key chain from his pocket of what looked like 100 keys, and unlocked each lock as I just watched, feeling my happiness drain as I thought- will I ever get out of here? He walked in and gave me the blanket I just looked at him and proceeded to grab the blanket as sorrow washed over me as I laid my head on the cold concrete floor feeling the tears run down my face making a puddle where my face touched the ground, the whole right side of my face was covered in cold tears. I felt completely trapped, I couldn't go anywhere. My heart was aching- it felt like it was shrinking and tightening. I just had to lay there and feel the pain- that felt endless like I was going to drown in my own pain. He laid down beside me and hugged me close, I wanted to scream, how could this man be so calm and think this is completely normal? He moved his head on the back of mine, I felt his breath creep down my neck- this sick bastard- I want to make him suffer, I want to make him beg for mercy as I have my hands around his throat, gripping as hard as possible- stopping that horrible breath I feel down my spine for good. No more tormenting me, making me feel powerless. He hugged me tighter and said "You make me so happy, Alice." my gut wrenched, I felt ill. I felt, suddenly, terrible for the thoughts I had before. This man lived a troubled life, maybe that's why he is the way he is? Is all he want affection, to be noticed or loved? I replied "I'm glad." I didn't know if I meant that, I didn't even mean to say that- it just came out. Do I like this man or hate him? I genuinely am confused on my feelings towards him, I can't understand why, he captivated me- made me feel weak, but I feel so bad for him despite that all. Why do I feel insane? Am I going insane?!