Kindness, Guilt, And Heartache

In the middle of the night, Sue woke me up. She was crying. Tears were falling down her bruised cheeks and busted lips as she struggled to tell what had happened to her. Mr. Wang had gone into her room and tried to get his way with her. She refused. Enraged, Mr. Wang began beating her. She begged and begged, but he showed no mercy until her whimper was no longer heard. When she awoke, she was lying on the floor in the middle of the room. She managed to get up and came to me. She was afraid of what Mr. Wang would do to her next.

I was heartbroken. Could I have imagined Sue suffering this fate? No, not even once, not ever. She was the quietest and the most obedient one out of all. Her pretty face and meek mannerism had put her on the top of the chart. She was the most popular one in the Red Lantern House.

Unsurprisingly, the old Chang was furious after hearing the money-making girl had to take an indefinite break. It could be days or months. And the old Chang had already calculated his loss, which made him even angrier. He came to the Red Lantern House two days later. With all the girls watching, he questioned Wesley and Mr. Wang and demanded to know the culprit in Sue's incident. By then, I had gotten quite good at understanding Mandarin, though my capability in speaking remained limited.

Mr. Wang claimed it was Wesley. When Wesley calmly stated that he wasn't even here that night, Mr. Wang raised his voice:

"Ask Sue, and she'll tell you the truth. This shameless Joseon man is trying to lie his way out of here."

Wesley wasn't fazed. As the trembling Sue limped from standing against the wall to standing in front of the old Chang, Wesley's sight followed her in his never changing, poised composure.

"I hope you'd speak the truth," Wesley said.

Sue's head was down, and her shoulders jolted when the old Chang hit the floor with the bottom of his cane.

"Who was it?" He yelled.

She side-glanced at Wesley as if she was asking him for forgiveness. She then looked over to Mr. Wang, who jerked his chin, signaling her to speak up.

"It was…" she mumbled, "Mr. Lee."

I couldn't believe what I had heard. In a stupor, I watched as the old Chang paced up to Wesley, who stood firm without any fear or expression. The old Chang was much shorter than him. His chin was up, and he refused to lower his head.

The old Chang pulled out his pistol and disengaged the safety. The barrel pressed on Wesley's chest, pointing directly at his heart.

"Li He," the old Chang malignantly said his full name in Mandarin. The old Chang had only been addressing him as Mr. Lee as a bit of mockery to show that he was a mere foreigner and wasn't accepted into the clan. This was the first time and the only time I heard Wesley being addressed in the way he had hoped for, though it wasn't out of respect. Instead, it was out of spite. The old Chang was malicious, and the barrel pressed Wesley harder. "I've been good to you. Is this how you repay me?"

"I wasn't here that night," Wesley repeated what he had said earlier.

The old Chang sneered as he tried to push Wesley with the gun barrel. Wesley didn't move an inch.

Sue walked back into the line, avoiding eye contact with me. I was shocked and furious that she'd lie and jeopardize Wesley's future in the Chang clan. It wasn't right, and I wouldn't let it happen.

"Mr. Chang," I ran up despite the other girls trying to stop me. I mustered all my courage and said in the best Mandarin I could manage. "It wasn't Mr. Lee. It was Mr. Wang. I knew it. Sue told me."

Sue began denying it, though Wesley cut her off.

"Get back in line," Wesley sounded harsh. He extended his arm in front of me and tried to push me behind him. I didn't move. 

The old Chang pressed the barrel against my forehead: "Funny how the freaks are trying to protect each other. You surely don't know your place."

"I'm not lying," I said. Though I was terrified, I wasn't ready to give up. "Mr. Lee wasn't here when it happened. If I was lying, then you can shoot me."

He scoffed and slowly pulled his pistol away from me. I exhaled heavily, thinking both Wesley and I were spared. Then I was struck in the face with the handle of the gun. I dropped to my knees. My ears began to ring, and my vision started to blur. The pain came after the initial shock. I wondered if he had broken my cheekbone.

"Disrespectful, audacious whore," he hit me with his metal cane. I covered my head with my hands, biting my bottom lip so I wouldn't wail or cry. I had lost count of how many times he had hit me. Eventually, he grew tired and spat on me before ordering me to get lost.

During the entire time, Wesley stood next to me, fists clenched. He said nothing. If he did, he'd only get us into more trouble.

Later, he found me curled up, hiding in a cleaning closet. I was relieved that it was him that opened the door, for I didn't want anyone to see me, and I certainly didn't want to be beaten up any further.

He sat on the ground so he could be at my level.

"Thank you," he said softly. His tone was gentle, and a special sentiment shone in his eyes. "But you have to promise me you won't ever behave stupidly and act out of line again."

I sobbed.

"You have to save yourself first," he persisted. "Or you'll die in vain."

"No," I was stubborn. "Not when it's you. I won't do nothing and watch you being wronged and blamed for things you didn't do."

He sighed. Taking my hand, he reached into his coat pocket, took out a handful of confectionaries, and placed them in my palm. Before he left, he patted my head and told me to keep it a secret.

-----

"You looked very confused when I handed you the candies," Wesley smiled.

"I was," I leaned back on the couch. "That was out of nowhere."

"I felt bad, but I couldn't tell you." He sounded coy. Before long, his shyness changed into the same sincere look he had displayed earlier. "I'd like to tell you I'd be there for you until you no longer need me. I hope you can see me as family too."

"I do," I twisted my thumbs, "and I'm sorry I told you not to act like my brother."

"When did you say that?" He laughed. "I don't remember hearing you say that."

"You're lying," I called him out and laughed as well. "Thank you for forgiving me."

He threw his hands. I didn't deserve his kindness, although I was indescribably thankful to have him around.

"What's so funny here?" There was another voice. I recognized that voice.

"Laurie!" I hid my annoyance and grinned. "What are you doing here?"

"Lizzie called me," he was sullen. He glared at Wesley and wouldn't look directly at me. "She said you're drinking too much and asked me to check on you."

"Well, I'm fine," I nodded. "Wesley is here. And he's very good at keeping an eye on me. Trust me when I say he'd be an efficient policeman in busting speakeasies in the 20s."

I laughed at my silly joke. Neither of the men did. Laurie seemed hostile, and Wesley was straight-faced.

"I'm leaving," Wesley stood up, taking the whiskey bottle with him. "Don't let her drink too much."

Laurie narrowed his eyes: "Why do you care so much about her? Why don't you just go ahead and tell me what your ulterior motive is?"

"Laurie," I felt uneasy and chuckled nervously, "what are you doing?"

He ignored me while staring tensely into Wesley's eyes.

"I know I have no ulterior motive, and Anne also knows I have no ulterior motive," Wesley sounded harsh before he eventually shrugged and continued: "I don't owe you an explanation for your insecurity."

Laurie was about to say something when I pulled on his sleeve, forcing him to sit down. Wesley smacked his lips, nodded at me, and walked away. I was left embarrassed, exasperated, and frustrated.

"What was that about?" I questioned. "What has Wesley ever done to you?"

He was silent and still wouldn't look at me.

"Please, Laurie," I held his hand and softened my tone, "what's the matter?"

Finally, he lifted his eyes and confessed reluctantly: "I guess he's right. I'm insecure. I guess, well, I guess I'm worried that I'm not as important as him to you. You've known each other for so long, and he's an older man. Unlike me, who's young and just sits on my family's fortune and complains about how hard my life is. And you're the only one allowed to call him by his real name."

I squeezed his hand. His words made my heart ache, and I blamed myself for overlooking his feelings. I was blindly overjoyed when Wesley and I's paths crossed once more. I should've known better. Laurie was a proud and sensitive young man, and I loved him for his emotional sensitivity. "I'm sorry that you feel this way. I can assure you that no one is as important as you are to me. Wesley is important but in a very different way. I love you dearly, Laurie, and if anyone should feel insecure, that'd be me. I fear I'm not good enough for you."

The sorrow on his face dissipated, and he held my hands into his.

"You're more than good enough for me," he kissed the back of my hand. "Forgive me, darling, for my unfounded jealousy."