Yes... Complicated

"Whiskey?" he asked her without looking at her and raised his hand for the bartender.

"Nah, a beer will be enough for me," she stated. The bartender wordlessly slid the drinks over the counter and continued mixing drinks for other people. Victoria raised her glass in thanks to Ethan, who glanced over and held up his next drink.

"Sorry about earlier...", she then spoke, unsure of how to start the conversation.

"For what? You did not do anything wrong." Ethan looked down at his drink and slowly swirled the glass.

"It's just, the way you vanished after."

"Don't mind it. I just could not take this jerk hitting on you like this. Some people just don't get the hint." 

"Mhm, yeah. Thank you for stepping in." Victoria smiled faintly, even though she knew he could not see it.

"Like I said. Don't mind it." He took a big sip, then continued to stare down at the clear-brown liquid dancing against the glass walls, pondering over something.

Victoria took a deep breath. There was one question that had lodged itself in her brain for a while now. And it was time that it was answered. "Say. Why do I get the feeling that you are making yourself responsible for that night when I got attacked?" 

Ethan sighed, emptied the drink, and put down the glass. He raised his hand and the bartender instantly handed him a new one, like this had been going on for a while already. 

"Do you believe, that there might be more than just coincidence and fate out there in this world?" his voice was low and gravelly and Victoria could hear a slight slur in his words.

"That's one way of not answering the question," she jested but thought to entertain the discourse. "You mean like a higher power?" She leaned her arms on the bar top and looked over to him.

"Mhm," The hum coming from his throat sounded absent.

"I do believe if one does good one receives good at some point. Like Karma? But I do not believe in god if that's what you are asking."

"Not god. Think smaller. Phenomenons we can't explain or see, we think we know it all, but there might be more than that out there in the world."

She thought a while, looking at his eyes which still did not look at anything in particular. His mind was clearly somewhere else. "Probably? But I never thought about it. It would make the world an even more complicated place, would it not?"

"Yes... complicated." He scoffed, then downed the new drink in one go, put it back down on the bar, and stood up. "I should go."

"Ethan, I..." Victoria started and turned on the bar chair to face him. But she stopped speaking instantly, when she saw how his head sank, but finally turned towards her.

"Don't get me wrong. I enjoy this, more than you know. But I should go... really." For the first time that day, he actually looked her straight in the eyes. She could see the disoriented sway in his movements. Who knew how many drinks he had before she approached him? But for a man of his size, he must have drunk a lot to be in this state. He reached into the pockets of his jeans and pulled his wallet and car keys out. He slid quite a bit of money over to the bartender and turned around.

"Sorry, but you know that I can't let you drive like this." Victoria got up and determinedly took the keys out of his hand. His glare did not stop her and she could see in his eyes that he knew she was right. "Let me take you home. It's the least I can do after all you did for me." She looked up at him, while he visibly fought a thought inside of his head. The same expression she had seen every once in a while when they had been together. The expression he had since they had kissed.

"Come on big guy, I won't kidnap you," she then jested and put his heavy arm around her shoulder to guide him out of the restaurant. He did not resist and walked out with her but stood still once they were outside and the cool air hit his face.

"Damn. Must have had one more than I thought," he mumbled as he closed his eyes for a short while to let the slight breeze work its way around him. Victoria shrugged. 

"Every once in a while we all need it I guess."

"Victoria..." He stood still and lifted his arm off of her, looking down. "Sorry for being... off... the past weeks... I just..." He straightened up, but instead of letting him go, Victoria held her arm around his side to make sure he wouldn't sway anywhere. When he then turned his head towards her, their eyes locked.

"We don't need to talk about it. It is what it is. We are adults. I will survive." Her sentences were short and sharp, but still, she winked at him. She knew he did not have to explain himself. Sometimes things did not work out, sometimes people did not have words for what they were feeling. And sometimes two people just met at the wrong time. And as Ezra had said, he had his own demons to fight. But there was one thing she did not want to entertain herself with, and that was a thought that was not going to be reality.

Ethan did not answer, so Victoria turned towards the parking lot to go to her car. She took her first step but could feel his fingers wrapping themselves around her wrist to stop her from walking away.

"I can't explain it..." he began, and she turned back around, raising an eyebrow. "...but I am not good for you. I have zero self-control around you. But I can't lose it. I promised to protect you and I clearly can't." His eyes wandered to her side, which was still not completely healed.

"It happened. It was an accident." Her head tilted a little and a questioning expression flickered over her features. "Or is this still about what happened at your place?" She tried to pull her arm out of his grasp, but he kept his hand tightly around her wrist and did not say another word. He just looked deep into her eyes, like the words he wanted to say were hidden there. Once he did not find what he was seeking, his jaw tensed and he let out a frustrated sigh.

"Ethan. If you don't want me that's okay. But then let go of me." Her voice had raised into a demand, which sounded more determined with every word. "I can't bear this back and forth. It's confusing."

His eyes widened and he looked down at his hand as if he had not realized that he was still holding on to her.

"Fuck," he grunted and slowly loosened his grip. "Sorry."

"Stop apologizing and come with me now. You need to sleep this off." Victoria turned and walked to her car with a far stride, not once looking back to Ethan whose heavy steps she could hear in the gravel behind her. All those tangled thoughts made her head spin. Why did he try so desperately to keep her at a distance, just to contradict his own words by holding on to her? Or did she just overthink it all?

When she reached the car and unlocked the door she suddenly felt him towering up behind her and the shadow his body threw underneath the dimmed parking lot light crept over her. Then, his arm rushed past her face, and with his full palm, he held the door shut. She turned around, looking at him, startled and confused like a doe that had been hunted down and cornered by a mountain lion. 

"Ethan...?" she asked insecurely, but when she searched his face for a sign of what was going on, she saw it again. That fire burning in his dark eyes. His body tense like a boulder only a few inches away from her. His face was so close to hers. 

"Vee." he huffed, and gently grabbed her face. "It's like I am losing my fucking mind around you."

"Don't do this if you don't mean it." Her warning was sincere, but she had already picked up on enough of the tension to make her mind burn with desire.

"You said I wouldn't want you. Woman... there is nothing on this planet I want more," he grunted and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her close. He leaned in and kissed her passionately.