Chapter 43

"Lucifer, what are you —"

"Fuck off, Sam," Lucifer snaps.

The hunter looks at Michael helplessly. Maybe the only other archangel he's on speaking terms with can help. Wow, the archangel he's most willing to talk to is Michael. How the hell did that happen?

"Tomorrow's Christmas," Michael explains.

Sam looks at him blankly. "And?"

"And he's the devil?" Michael attempts to clue him in.

Sam nods in understanding. Christmas probably isn't Satan's favorite holiday.

"What are we doing for Christmas, anyway?" Mary asks.

"Can we have cinnamon rolls for breakfast again?" Jess asks, mostly directing this towards Sam because she doesn't really know anyone here. "Unless you guys have any other Christmas traditions for breakfast, since this is kinda your house."

"We don't really celebrate Christmas," he explains.

"Wait, really?"

"That's not technically true," Dean interrupts. "My 'last Christmas,' remember? Like, seven years ago? Eight? After I sold my soul to bring you back, we —"

"Killed some pagan gods with a Christmas tree," Sam finishes. "How do you even count that as Christmas?"

"Oh, true," Dean concedes.

"You guys never celebrated Christmas?" Mary says in surprise.

"Nah. We just kinda chilled, hunted, the norm," Dean explains, leaving out the secret mini Christmases he and Sam had when John was on a hunt.

"John!" Mary slaps her husband on the shoulder, not to really hurt him but to get the point across.

"It's fine," Dean assures her, mostly for his dad's sake. "We didn't want a Christmas anyway. Just being together was nice enough."

"No, she's right," John says. "I should have tried harder on holidays. Or, you know, tried at all. Obviously, I can't change the past, but tomorrow, I say we have a party."

"We better!" Charlie agrees. "I've celebrated every Christmas I've lived through so far, and I'm not skipping this one just because I'm trapped in the bunker with a bunch of supernatural entities!"

"It's sad that that's a normal statement," Kevin remarks.

Sam walks over to Michael and nudges him subtly before silently gesturing to Lucifer, who's sitting against the wall with his knees up his chest, mouth moving quickly but not saying anything. Michael raises an eyebrow at his brother and shrugs, confused as well. Sam shakes his head to himself and walks back over to Jess.

Never one to follow the crowd, Gabriel asks, "Lucifer, what are you doing?"

"None of your damn business," he snaps before continuing to talk silently. Michael and Gabriel share a concerned look, but there's nothing to do about it. He's just weird.

"I don't know how you're expecting to celebrate Christmas tomorrow," Crowley remarks. "I don't know the names of half the people in this room, never mind what they'd want for a gift. If you want to celebrate, go ahead, but I'm sitting this one out."

"Me too," Benny adds. "It doesn't feel like my place."

"I don't think of us really want Christmas tomorrow," Balthazar observes, then adds, "Well, except you humans, but you have always been strange."

"Then you can all go hide for the day and let us have a Christmas," Mary replies.

"Or we can act like its a normal day and you can go celebrate around the normal ones," Balthazar suggests.

"That works, too," Mary agrees.

"Who's actually celebrating tomorrow?" Sam asks.

Various people raise their hands. Sam, Dean, Castiel, Charlie, Kevin, John, Mary, Ellen, and Bobby are the first to agree, and, after a quick whispered conversation, Samandriel and Adam do, too.

Ellen looks at Jo expectantly. She just shakes her head.

"Jo, why aren't you...?"

"I'm just gonna hang out with Michael," she explains.

"You could both celebrate Christmas," Bobby suggests. "You're an angel, so it's kind of in the job description."

"Jesus and I were never very close," Michael says awkwardly, unsure how else to put it.

"Then it's a good thing his birthday party is an open invitation."

"I think that if there was a very exclusive list of people who aren't welcome to his 'birthday party,' I'd be one of the few names on there."

"You'd be the first name on there," Gabriel clarifies.

". I'd be the name on there," Michael protests indignantly.

"First," Lucifer replies. "Definitely first. He liked me more."

"Barely," Gabriel mutters under his breath.

"Did not!" Michael protests.

"Did too."

"No, he — why am I having this argument with you?"

"Yeah, can't we just agree he hates you both and move on?" Gabriel suggests.

"Fine, but I'm totally right," Lucifer replies.

"How did you two get to hate you?" Bobby asks.

"It's a long story," they both reply at once.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Gabriel adds.

"I think we can all agree that we want to know now," Balthazar replies, seeming interested, as does everyone else.

Michael and Lucifer share a look, and the younger archangel shrugs slightly. Michael hesitates, then shakes his head. "What happens in Heaven stays in Heaven."

This earns a chorus of "No fair!"s, but Michael doesn't change his mind. Lucifer just rolls his eyes at the whole situation.

"Anyways," Mary says loudly, stopping everyone's whining. "Tomorrow's Christmas, whether you like Christ or not. I say we bake some Christmas cookies."

"I want fudge!" Charlie says excitedly. "I'll make the fudge!"

"Awesome," Dean replies. "Fudge, cookies, pie, let's go!"

Mary gives her son an amused smile. "Do you want to make the cookies again?"

"Hell yeah, I do!"

Sam just stares at him, dumbfounded. "Dude."

"What?"

"You're making . And you're excited about it."

Dean nods. "Damn straight I am. Cookies, Sam. ."

"You'd usually just buy them. Or, you know, have an angel poof them into existence."

"Yeah, but those aren't cookies."

Sam raises an eyebrow. "Alright, whatever. Go make your cookies or whatever."

Dean sighs. "It's Christmas EveYou're making cookies with us."

"Why?"

"Because it's Christmas Eve, and that's what you do on Christmas Eve!"

"I don't get why I have to help bake them. Or why we're them at all, with the archangels here."

"Because —" Dean sighs in frustration. "Look, Christmas is about family, right?"

"I guess?" Sam says uncertainly.

Dean gives him a look. "Well, it is. So, together, , we're going to bake stuff. Well, an extended family, but family nonetheless," he clarifies with a glance at Charlie, who beams at being called family.

"But that's stupid. It doesn't take ten people to bake —"

"You know what, Sam? Your opinion is irrelevant. You're on brownie duty." He pauses, then clarifies, "You and Jess are on brownie duty."

"I can't promise I'll leave enough batter for the actual brownies," she jokes.

"Hey, as long as no one fucks with the pie, we're all good."