Chapter 44

"It wasn't that bad," Michael assures Jo, walking through the halls of the bunker a few minutes later.

"The fact that you won't tell me says otherwise," she replies.

"Really, it wasn't that bad," he insists. "We just didn't get along."

"Well, the way they say it, it was more than ''not getting along.'"

"They're exaggerating," he tells her. "Jesus and I may not have gotten along, but he didn't me."

"Alright," she agrees hesitantly. "I'll take your word for it. But if there a funny story, I want to know."

"And I would have told you if there was."

"No, he hated us long before that," Lucifer tells his brother as they're aimlessly walking through the halls. "Like, before that."

"Really? I thought you three were good for a few millennia," Gabriel replies.

Lucifer scoffs. "Millenia? Try centuries. I'm telling you, Michael and I have been antagonizing Jesus since basically the beginning of time."

"Well, I mean, I guess that explains why he hates you so much."

"You think that's bad? You should have seen us when we were alone," Lucifer laughs.

"You deserve everything he did to you."

"Oh, I know we did," Lucifer replies. "I mean, the things Michael could come up with when he set his mind to it..."

"I thought it was mostly you, not Mike."

"Oh, I did some of it — a lot, actually — but Michael was a freaking evil genius. When he wants to make someone's life a living hell, he really makes their life a living hell."

"Oh yeah. Michael doesn't half ass it, that's for sure."

"So you bug Jesus!" Jo's voice comes from around the corner as she and Michael come into view.

"Well, maybe a little," he admits sheepishly.

"And the 'Understatement of the Year' award goes to...!" Gabriel says with a teasing smile.

"Yes, please, go advertise my feud with Jesus Christ," Michael deadpans. "Really wanted that."

"I'm sorry, it's just that I totally forgot about it until today and it was really freaking funny. Well, from an outsider's perspective, at least. I'm sure it wasn't fun for Jesus when you —"

"And that's enough of that," Michael interrupts.

"Ugh, fine. I can't guarantee I won't bring this up again, but I'll lay off for now."

"You better tell me later," Jo says.

"Don't you dare," Michael says quickly.

"But —"

"Gabriel..."

Gabriel gives an exaggerated sigh. ". Sorry, Jo, but Michael's a lot scarier than you when he wants revenge. Like that time when Jesus... No, kidding."

Michael glares at him.

"I'm kidding!" he repeats defensively.

Suddenly, a cry of, "How the fuck did that fire start?" is heard from the kitchen.

"That's our cue," Gabriel says, about the fly away to check it out before adding, "Lucifer, stay here. I don't need you keeping the fire alive."

"And, judging by how random it is, it's some type of supernatural fire, and you won't be able to help, so stay here," Michael adds, directing this towards Jo before flying away with Gabriel just behind him.

Lucifer and Jo look over at each other, then quickly look away. They stand in silence for a minute or so, waiting for the other two archangels to come back. Suddenly, Chuck appears in front of them. Jo jumps at that, but Lucifer just gives him a bored look.

"What do you want this time?" he asks.

"You two need to talk," Chuck replies. "I just started a fire in the kitchen for it, and I'm not destroying the bunker's kitchen for nothing."

"I'll pass," Jo replies.

"Same," Lucifer adds.

"It's not an option."

Lucifer crosses his arms stubbornly. "And if we don't?"

"If you don't, I'll lock you both in Jo's room again for a month straight."

Lucifer and Jo share a look, silently asking what to do. They sigh in unison. "Fine, we'll talk!"

Chuck grins and disappears to watch them without interfering.

"So..." Lucifer says awkwardly.

"So..."

"Guess we gotta talk..."

"Yep."

Awkward silence.

"Okay, I don't get what we're supposed to be talking about," Jo says finally. "We already did. No strings attached." ()

"Right..."

"What?"

"What what?"

"What's up with the 'right...'?" she clarifies.

"What? I just said 'right.' You're right. What are you whining about?"

"No, but you didn't say, 'right,' you said, ''"

"What are you smoking?" Lucifer asks. "And if you make a reference..."

"I have no idea what is," she tells him. "And if anyone's on drugs here, it's you, because you're not making any sense."

"I very rarely make sense," he replies confidently.

"I've noticed."

They lapse into silence again. This time, Chuck doesn't bother interfering. It'll happen. One of these days, Lucifer will slip up, and that will end either really well or really horribly for the whole lot of them. Probably the latter, actually, now that he thinks of it. Whatever. It'll be entertaining for him.

"That one wasn't my fault!" Michael's voice comes from down the hallway. "That was all Lucifer!"

"You helped," Gabriel says accusatively.

"No, I — well, I mean, a little, maybe, but that was mostly Lucifer."

"I can't tell if you're lying to me or to yourself."

"I'm not lying!" Michael insists. "I may have come up with the idea, but it was almost entirely Lucifer who actually did it. It's not my fault he went a little overboard."

"?"

"He's the son of God," Michael says defensively. "We knew he could grow a limb back!"

"Four. He had to grow limbs back."

"Whatever. Technicalities."

The two round the corner to find Lucifer and Jo, the former looking amused and the latter confused.

"Cool, you didn't kill each other!" Gabriel observes, giving them both a high five. "I say that's progress!"

And it kinda is progress, actually. There were no death threats, at least, so yay them!