Chapter 14: Who Shit in my house (Comedy chapter)

(So this is going to be my first attempt at a long dialogue and two new abilities are introduced in this chapter. This is just a fun and comedic chapter that I always wanted to write, please make sure to stay safe and enjoy the chapter.)

Someone shit in my goddamn house and I was pissed, I saw red for a sec and I saw the Bear king and the baby bear just laying around.

I grabbed a bucket full of water and dumped it all on the face of the peak bear. He got up and started gasping on the floor, he looked at me and was about to growl at me until he saw my face.

My face looked like I was about murder someone and I was, he gulped and I asked him

" Did you shit on my goddamn floor" I asked him with all the fury in the world

I heard a "What is he talking about, humans are so strange."

I looked at him with even redder eyes "Don't play dumb with me, I will spank your a&& and do I look strange to you"

" Yes , I do think you are strange. You are asking me about shit, this is the wild; we shit where we can."

I was about pick this bear up and slam him for talking to me like that...

WAIT A SECOND, DID HE JUST TALK!?!??!??

We both froze at the realization and he asked me if I could really understand and I said I could.

We were both amazed and I remembered the ability of the Protagonist of One piece.

The Voice Of All things, he could listen to any creature in the world. It was gained from reaching the highest level of observation Haki, but my Haki is only 15-30 meters big; now where near the thousands of meters the Yonko have.

I gawked at the implications of this and was about to forget about this shit problem.

Until the bear said something he shouldn't have.

"Damn, now we can't curse him in secret anymore and get free food for it."

I froze and look at bear with wrath.

At this moment the Bear knew he fucked up.

I superspeed in front of him and punched him in the gut, bending his body into a sideways V as literally flew and going so fast that he bounced on the water and finally he stopped with a few trees breaking his fall.

I blew out the smoke that was coming out of my hand as I snorted when I heard the Loud Metaphoric KO in the background.

After waiting for a few minutes the Bear woke up and brought his the gorilla cub in front of me.

The gorilla cub was just like it's parent, it was nice an playful. It always waited in line for food.

She said, "Pardon me, but are you ok sir ."

I said, "What the F@$$, now that's a great baby. I've never even heard a White guy say "pardon me" before.

Who's been watching HGTV with this baby? I'm blown away. At this point, I feel like I need to lay down and relax. I've seen enough. I go in the living room, and I see it again the pile of shit just lying down there like nobody's business. I see red again, I zoom away and grab the peak bear by its neck; dragging him to my house. At this point he doesn't even struggle, fully accepting his fate.

"You know better than this.You don't go to the bathroom in the house and more importantly, you don't embarrass me in front of this goddamn great baby." I admonish him as he still looking confused.

Now I am just ready to let this go, I go into the living room with the intention to clean up the poop.

I have never hated my senses more right now, with observation Haki. Heck, the smell is lodging itself into my odor receptors. I can't even get 15 feet between this, because if I do, then I am gonna puke.

I grab my training clothespin, put it over my nose.

I grab some febreeze and keep it on the ready. I grab a plastic bag and come close to the feces.

I look at it. That's not the Peak animal's shit. I know what it's shit looks like. It don't look like that. That's a three thousand pound animal, there ain't no way it just pooped out 2 pounds of poop. I have seen when it's poop and that stuff took down a tree from its weight.

Now I look at the great baby gorilla. The great baby gorilla is clean, with no major poop stench coming from it. There's no shit anywhere around its butt. Now, I'm confused.

Cause I know what I'm looking at. Somebody shit on the floor. I'm looking at shit on the floor. Refirming that I am not going crazy. I go wake up the mate of the peak bear.

Oh yeah I have never introduced her before, the first time I saw her. She tried to bite my head clean off, I didn't like that so I RKO'ed her into the ground.

After that we became friends and sometimes even bully the peak bear by giving him no food. She is a brown bear so she gives some plants like rosemary to cook with.

I named her Janet out of affection

"Janet, wake up. Wake up." I tap her back as she still refuses to wake up

She said "What?" She says back snarky

I restated "Hey. Wake up!"

She say "Why?"

"Hey! Did you shit on that floor before you went to sleep outside?"

What?" She says dumbly

Did you shit on the floor before you laid on this goddamn forest ground?" –

"I didn't shit on no floor man, let me sleep" she mumbled

"Well Somebody's shitted on the floor." I said confused

I turn back around. Me and the great baby lock eyes. Now, I feel like the great baby's trying to play me.

I said, "Great baby, I been nothing but good to you, since I have met you. You come up to me everyday and you want something to eat. I make you a burger for lunch every other day. So for you to shit on my floor is disrespectful. Did you shit on my floor?" I ask again

The great baby was like, "Pardon me?"

"Shut the… Shut up, shut up! Shut up! Did you shit on my floor?" I am tired of this British bear accent

Great baby put both hands in the air and turned around as if to say, "Check me."

I take my hand and life the bear gently up, I scrutinize it's butt, to see any sign that he just pooped; any stench.

There's no shit on it's behind. At this point, I'm messed up in the head.

Now, I question myself. Did… Did I shit on the floor? I didn't shit on no floor. I would know if I shitted on the floor. I didn't shit on the floor. I apologize to the great baby. "Great baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have came at you like that. You have been nothing, but great since I have met you.

At this point the parents of the Gorilla come, they were suprised to see that I could talk to them and understand what they were saying.

"That's a great baby. You're doing a good job. Can we talk? Away from everybody, please? I just want to tell you that I snapped on the great baby. I was pissed off 'cause somebody shitted on my floor." I explain the situation to him as I pull the leader of the animals to the side; who I by the way named Kong

Kong said, "What?" I said, "Somebody shitted on my floor."

Kong said, "Oh, my God. She did that."

I said, "Excuse me?"

Kong said, "She did that. She know how to take a shit and then jump in the pond to clean up, then she'll dry herself before going back to the scene. She does that in our nest as well sometimes and then comes back after drying to the scene of the crime; so nobody thinks it's her.I forgot to tell you that when I dropped her off, when you let her play at your house." sighed Kong as he rubbed his temples

"How the f$@& do you forget to tell me that?" That should've been the first thing you said when you dropped this s@&$$&-a@& baby off at my goddamn house." I was fuming at this revelation.

King actually looked a little sheepish and grabbed his annoying spawn back to his nest.

I tried to take deep breaths and calm myself, until I see that baby look back at me and smirk.

A knife in the heart, the powers of Superman and a baby takes me down.

Baby Gorilla: 1

Me: 0

I childishly stick my tongue at him and he does the same.

I look back at the shit and get an idea .

I walk inside the house and stand at an angle, that makes the shit between me and the door.

I use one of Superman's most underrated abilities, his super lungs.

I suck in air and watch as a visible flow of air that resembles a vacuum enters my mouth.

I take a second of preparation as this will need precision, after positioning myself right.

I blow as hard as I can and the slightly solidifying poop flies like a rocket out the door and SPLAT

It hits the baby gorilla right at the back of its head.

It freezes with his parents start hysterically laughing and I join them.

He looks at me rage, but hmphs away into its parents nest. It takes a minute for me to collect myself.

Baby Gorilla: 1

Me: 1000

I start laughing again.

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