The Age of Metal

"Ah fuck, I haven't eaten anyone that nasty since Jabba." the four armed dragon man groaned after he stopped devouring the Asylum Demon, "Definitely going to reject that morph."

The dragon man stopped moving and stared at the husk like man in old plate armor carrying the rusted and broken remains of sword in hand. Then before the undead knight's rotten eyes the four armed dragon man morphed into a large and… quite frankly ridiculously muscled naked human with shining charcoal hair and a pair of startlingly bright blue eyes. His shoulders seemed unnaturally wide and his whole body was thick, his arms, his legs.

"What are you?" the undead knight demanded, hoping his improvised dagger would offer some level of defense and knowing in his tired heart that it would not.

"I am not an interdimensional god fucking around in other worlds to avoid the symbolic end of my adventures by reuniting with my Space Momma." the huge jacked man answered.

"If you are not an interdimensional god fucking around in other worlds to avoid the symbolic end of your adventures by reuniting with your Space Momma, then what are you?" the knight repeated his demand.

"I am…" the not interdimensional god paused then changed his accent to sound like Antonio Banderas, "I am Don Ricardo Dominguez Diaz Juan Julio Sanchez. You may call me Don Ricardo to save time, and what am I… I am a great lover of women, slayer of evil, musical genius, and lover of women."

"You said, 'lover of women' twice." the knight pointed out.

"Indeed I did." the man nodded his head while he magically equipped a suit of heavy red and bronze plate mail decorated with thick animal horns and a bear skin cape. He dismissed a brutal axe and instead picked up the Asylum Demon's Hammer which magically shrunk to better fit his frame, "Notice the placement of those two statements, first and last. For if a man does not begin and end his day prioritizing the hunt for pussy, then he has fallen out of balance with the Heavens and with the Earth, and has become a wretched and pitiful thing."

"But I was told that harems are bad and that the hero must not think with his dingaling." the confused knight declared, unsure of himself for the first time as the words of Don Ricardo Dominguez Dias Juan Julio Sanchez rung true in his mind.

"My friend," the Don approached the knight and put a reassuring gauntlet on his pauldron, "You have been led astray by bitter fun hating trolls."

"I hate trolls!" the knight shouted.

"And they hate fun, which is why they shriek every chance they get. To kill the fun!" the Don explained.

"But what if the harem is poorly implemented and managed, or the hero is a scumbag loser?" the knight inquired.

"Then, my friend, avert thine eyes from that mess and pursue your adventures elsewhere." the Don answered, "Or better yet. Rise up and create your own well implemented and managed harem while not being a scumbag loser. Who knows, it might make the world a better place."

The knight nodded his head and the Don removed his armored hand from his shoulder, raising it up into a fist.

"Now come, my friend." he shouted, "To Anor Londo, and to the best tiddies in the land!"

The pair set off, beginning their jolly cooperation by finding the knights starter weapons, and came upon a knight from Astora dashed against the stone asylum wall by a boulder trap.

"Oh, you're no hollow." the smashed knight called out, "Thank goodness. I'm done for, I'm afraid. I will die soon and…"

The knight's introduction was cut short when the Don materialized an oversized bass guitar with his not an interdimensional god power and began thrumming the cords.

"What is that … that noise?" the smashed knight gasped as he felt the agony of his destroyed chest lesson.

"That's the power of true Metal." the Don declared, "Now stand, hold your head up high and put your fist up in the air."

"How is this possible?" the smashed knight cried as his body complied, pulling himself off the floor and raising his fist up in the air.

"Age of Fire, Age of Dark, who cares. All you need is noise, and come what may you will greet it with a smile on your face and sword in hand." the Don told them.

"Your face!" The no longer smashed knight gasped.

Under the raised visor of the undead knight, the once beef jerky like face had filled out and softened, revealing the hot blooded youth underneath the curse.

"Come along boys." the Don commanded as he turned heel and holstered his oversized bass guitar over his shoulder, "The Age of Metal has come and it is our job to spread the good news over every set of big ol' tiddies in the realm."