Maybe I Am

[Maybe I am… I'll become the worst human being ever as you said] Qian Ping angrily repeated in his mind. With his hand still gripping her chin, he moved close to Ding Yiu.

Then it was as though his body was hit by lightning. A sudden, noticeable pain on his neck halted his movements. The only thing Qian Ping registered when the pain disappeared was her voice saying "I'm sorry." [Did she…] he tried to think and process what had happened.

Qian Ping was now leant over Ding Yiu, in a half-hugging position. His face besides hers. When he moved towards Ding Yiu, she had unexpectedly wrapped her arms around his neck. Pulling him towards her, she bit his neck hard. Qian Ping didn't even have time to react. The next thing he knew was the words 'I'm sorry' whispered into his ears. He could only stop.

"I was scared," Ding Yiu admitted. "I keep choosing to trust you, yet a part of me is still uncertain about you."

There was silence between them as neither moved nor spoke.

Consumed with too many emotions, Qian Ping couldn't think straight. He was guilty for scaring her. Disappointed in his inability to control his anger. And there was the feeling of sadness and an unknown pain in his chest. [You're not certain about me] he mentally repeated her words. [That means you never truly trusted me. But do you know] he wanted to say [that I never wanted to hurt you. That I already want to trust you]. He closed his eyes shut, unable to voice his honest thoughts.

Ding Yiu took in a small breath. She was back to her composed and calm self again. [I misjudged you too quickly] she thought. The moment Qian Ping shouted at her, she realized her mistake. [Though it remains true that you and I are unfamiliar with one another]. Ding Yiu looked at Qian Ping, [can I really let my guard down around you?] Her heart seemed to beat erratically as her mind debated on the matter. Finally, she inched closer to Qian Ping, her lips almost touching his ear. "I'm not fully certain now. But will you give me time to become certain of you?"

Hearing her words, Qian Ping opened his eyes. He turned his head slightly to look at Ding Yiu. There was no need for him to think. He responded with, "I'll ask the same from you."

Staring at each other, Qian Ping and Ding Yiu naturally smiled. Something had changed between them. It's as if any trace of uncertainty had been cleared away. For the first time since they met, there was finally a mutual feeling. [Since it's like this, I'll give it a chance. A chance for me to be certain of you] they both thought. This was the most honest step forward. Under the circumstances they met in; with secrets and truths still hidden from one another, only time and their actions will tell whether this trust between them was right. For seconds, their smiles remained. It was a silent acknowledgement.

"Are you tired?" Qian Ping eventually questioned. He was back to his usual self. Ding Yiu's smile had calmed him. He forgot about everything else. It was like that small moment of drama never happened.

"Yes. I'm sleepy," Ding Yiu admitted. "I spent the whole day playing chess. Don't you know brainwork is more tiring than doing physical labour?"

"You're the one who insisted in staying inside the bathroom."

"That's because you were acting indecent," Ding Yiu quickly narrowed her eyes on Qian Ping. She had almost forgot they were still half hugging on his bed. [Rather than being conscious all night that you might do something, I should be the one to attack first]. "Xia Qian Ping, let's sleep," she proclaimed tightening her arms around his neck.

Forcefully, Ding Yiu pulled Qian Ping onto the bed as she rolled to the side. In another swift motion, she wrapped her arms around Qian Ping, nestling herself comfortably against his back. She could feel Qian Ping's body stiffen in her sudden embrace and she secretly grinned.

"Y-you, what are you doing?" a clearly flustered Qian Ping stammered. "How could you just pull me onto the bed?" [Aren't you being too bold?] he gulped, unable to voice his last question. His ears were already bright red just from thinking of what could happen next. He was aware of his furiously beating heart too. [This is embarrassing. Why am I feeling nervous? I'm a man for crying out loud].

"We're both tired so let's sleep," Ding Yiu said. She added a yawn to reiterate her point. "I'm used to having a body pillow. Since you don't have one here, you pretend to be one for tonight."

"What? Body pillow?" Qian Ping exclaimed. His heart was beating too rapidly for comfort now. It was also beating for a completely different reason to a second ago. "You want me to be a body pillow. Absolutely not." He reached for Ding Yiu's hands that were tightly clasped together in front of his chest, "let go."

At Qian Ping's attempts to pry her hands apart, Ding Yiu pretended to squeal, "ouch. You're hurting me."

"Let go," Qian Ping demanded again. Though he stopped trying to unlock her clasped hands. "How dare you tell me to be a body pillow? I'm the second prince of this kingdom."

"Second prince, don't you know how to treat girls delicately?" Ding Yiu purposefully provoked. She loosened her hold slightly, seeing Qian Ping wasn't going to move.

"So you know you're a girl," Qian Ping began. "If you want to be treated like a girl then act like one." He poked at her hands, "you're an unmarried girl. You shouldn't shamefully hold onto me like this. Don't you care for your reputation? What would people say if they found out you were like this with me? Now let go."

Hearing Qian Ping ramble on had made Ding Yiu sleepier. Her eyelids gave in and they fell closed. [What would people say] she did repeat in her mind as she slowly lost focus. [No one can say anything. We're married....]

Silence. Qian Ping waited for a few seconds but Ding Yiu didn't move nor respond. Her arms around his body had loosened but she was still embracing him from the back.

"Ding Ding," he called out. There was no response. [She couldn't have fallen asleep right?] He carefully turned his head to sneak a glance at Ding Yiu. Uncontrollably his lips curved into a soft smile. "You're unbelievable," he whispered, propping his head onto the pillow. [I can't believe she's actually sleeping] Qian Ping thought. [Ding Ding, hurry and become certain about me, about my feelings for you. Only then can I….] He closed his eyes, drifting to sleep.

Warmth from the morning sun shined into the room, signalling the start to another day. Lying on the bed like a fossilized stone was Qian Ping. Dark circles noticeably formed under his wide opened eyes. He had failed to sleep last night. Having Ding Yiu lightly embrace him from the back was more distracting than he anticipated. He didn't dare move an inch in fear he'd wake her up. He also became numb from not moving the whole night. [How did things end up like this? Why am I being so nice to her?] he repeatedly asked himself. Although he would never know that this was done by Ding Yiu on purpose. It was her little trick to make sure he wouldn't do anything indecent to her during the night.

"Prince Ping," Qian Ping heard Sixi's familiar voice calling from beyond the study area. It was time he got ready to attend court. He sighed.

With extreme care, Qian Ping made small movements, removing Ding Yiu's arms around him and slipping away. His body was stiff and uncomfortable. When he finally moved off the bed, he turned to look at the soundly sleeping Ding Yiu. "Looks like you're having a good sleep whilst I was suffering," he whispered, a little resentful. "I'm not letting you off without a bit of payback." He leaned in towards her until their faces were almost touching. [Maybe I am the worst human being ever... but it's too late. I can't stop] he took in a breath. His heart already beating wildly against his chest. Qian Ping inched closer until there was no distance between him and Ding Yiu. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling his lips lightly touch hers. For seconds he remained still, savouring this fleeting kiss. He then quickly and abruptly moved away. Placing a hand over his mouth he uttered, "You don't ever need to know this happened…" [This should remain my guilty secret] he told himself. Instinctively Qian Ping ran his fingers across his lips [hers were so soft...it's the first time for me…]

"Prince Ping, you are awake," Sixi greeted, seeing a slightly flushed Qian Ping walk out. [Something good must've happened between the prince and Ding Xiaojie last night]. Sixi did note the prince's slightly creased clothes. [He must've dressed himself in a hurry].

"Sixi, get the servants to prepare some breakfast," Prince Ping commanded, "Also prepare a new dress and anything a girl requires in the morning. Bring everything here." He then tugged at his collar and smoothed out his sleeves. "Ding Ding is still sleeping so don't let anyone disturb her. Place two maids to wait on her."

Sixi nodded with a smile, "please don't worry Prince Ping. I will make sure to order the maids to do so." He helped Prince Ping put on his cloak and the two left Zheng Palace for morning court.

Presently in Qing Lin Palace (main residence of Consort Mu); a pleasantly surprised Mu Hui giggled at the news that Prince Ping had kept Ding Ding within Zheng Palace for the night. To the side holding a teapot, Yilan exhaled.

"Hui Xiaojie, please react more as a consort of the prince would do," she requested. "When hearing your own husband has spent the night with another woman, you should be full of concern."

"Yilan, you know I'm not a pretentious person," Mu Hui said, "and isn't it a good thing that Prince Ping has found a girl he loves?"

"Love is probably the wrong word-"

"You didn't witness how Prince Ping went against the crown prince for Ding Ding. It was very unlike him," Mu Hui recalled. "Love or not, this Ding Ding is definitely important to Prince Ping."

"Should I gather information on her?"

Mu Hui thought for a second before shaking her head. "I don't think Ding Ding is a bad person. If the prince protects her, she isn't an enemy." She took a sip of tea, "therefore the Mu family and I don't need to interfere."

Yilan nodded. "That makes sense." She poured more tea into the cup, "Do you think Ding Xiaojie will become the prince's consort soon?"

"She would surely liven up Ping Tian Palace," Mu Hui commented. "Although if she does enter the palace as a consort, that would be great shame."

"How so?" Yilan questioned, "That would provide Xiaojie you, with a good opportunity to befriend her."

"Yilan, what are you saying?" Mu Hui slightly blushed.

"I may have ran off to find help but I did catch a glimpse of you fighting," Yilan smiled. She placed the teapot onto the table. "Ever since Xiaojie you became a consort, you've been holding back. You try so hard to act how a consort should, you don't dare to practice your favourite martial arts anymore."

"Well I am Prince Ping's Consort Mu. I can't act the same as when I was still Mu familes youngest daughter," Mu Hui said, "that would bring disgrace to the Mu family and Prince Ping."

"True. But if Ding Xiaojie becomes Prince Ping's consort, you don't need to hold back anymore," Yilan reasoned. "Ding Xiaojie knows martial arts too. You can both practice together and no one would say much."

"If Ding Ding became a consort, I don't think I can befriend her," Mu Hui frowned. "Yilan, you've forgotten my rule to keep a distance from all of Prince Ping's women. I'm his consort in name only. There's no need for me to mingle with his wives."

"Oh..." Yilan mumbled. She had forgotten the true reason for why Mu Hui had married Prince Ping.

Their marriage was a declaration from the military Mu family to the whole kingdom. It made clear of the Mu families support and loyalty towards Prince Ping. Hence that was why Mu Hui was respected as a consort, but never considered an official wife of Prince Ping in the traditional sense.

[Thanks to the prince's hospitable attitude towards Hui Xiaojie, she's always been treated well in Ping Tian Palace] Yilan thought. [And because Hui Xiaojie and Prince Ping neither have any intentions to consummate their marriage, the other consorts haven't bothered her too much. Although, this does mean that Hui Xiaojie and I are lonely in this palace]. Yilan now looked at Mu Hui with a sad expression.

Mu Hui simply sighed. She knew what Yilan was thinking. However, the moment she agreed to this marriage she was prepared to spend her life being in solitude. It wasn't as bad as she first thought either. Prince Ping's respect for her made it worthwhile for her and the Mu family.

"Consort Mu," another maid came running into the room. She bowed to Mu Hui who motioned for her to raise her head. The maid continued, "I've just heard news of Consort Zhou and Consort Tong heading towards Zheng Palace."

"So early in the morning," Mu Hui remarked, "they're certainly agitated that the prince has kept another woman overnight besides them."

"Prince Ping has already left for morning court," the maid continued to report, "Head Sixi has ordered for some maids to stand in waiting. I believe that girl the prince spent the night with is still in Zheng Palace."

"Hui Xiaojie, do you suppose the two consorts are there to cause trouble for Ding Xiaojie?" a worried Yilan asked.

"I shouldn't get involved."

Yilan quickly knelt onto the floor, surprising Mu Hui and the other maid.

"Yilan, what are you doing? Hurry and get up," Mu Hui demanded, already gently holding Yilan's arms.

"Hui Xiaojie, I've served you for a long time and have never requested you of anything. This time I must ask-"

Mu Hui let go of Yilan's arms and hurried to the door. "If we get to Zheng Palace late, we won't be able to help Ding Ding." Mu Hui turned to look at a blinking Yilan. She threw her a decisive look.

"Hui Xiaojie…" Yilan shouted, bouncing to her feet and after Mu Hui. "I knew deep down Xiaojie wanted to help Ding Xiaojie as well."

"Don't be mistaken," Mu Hui stated, "I just want to properly pay her back for helping you out yesterday."

"Hui Xiaojie, you can be honest with me," Yilan now excitedly looked at Mu Hui, "it was fun wasn't it, to fight alongside Ding Xiaojie?"

Mu Hui pouted and looked away. She sped up her pace so she was now walking in front of Yilan. Covertly, she hid the smile that spread on her face.