Chapter 7

We have been sitting in the car for almost an hour now which was torturing considering that the road itself to Cannon Beach is what should have been only an hour's drive.

There must have been an accident that usually happened once everyone has gotten away from school and jobs to go on their well-deserved holiday.

Seeley hasn't said a word. I couldn't stand his silence and the flatness on his face. I played a possible conversation in my head over and over but I decided it was best if I didn't bother him.

He really wasn't in the mood now.

My previous humor has disappeared and I wanted nothing more but to help him or listen to him. But he seemed like he never wanted to talk about his relationship with Clara.

My butt was sore from all the sitting and we had already eaten the chocolate. I couldn't decide where to lean or turn in my endless boredom.

After waiting for a few minutes, listening to all the horns, and seeing people stepping out of their cars, I looked at him again but he was staring out the windshield so intensely that he wasn't even blinking.

His anger and frustration haven't disappeared like I had hoped they would after an hour of silence. The waiting has probably been wearing his nerves off also.

When I didn't see anything change on his face, I inhaled and opened the car door.

I could feel his eyes burning my skin as I got out of the car.

"Where are you going?" He asked as I was about to close the door.

"Just here." I answered and walked to the hood of his car.

The line of cars was more visible now that I wasn't sitting inside and waiting for a miracle to happen.

Ironic thing was that there were only thirty maybe forty minutes left of the drive. Maybe walking would be the best option.

Who was I kidding, there was no way I'd walk in a hot forenoon.

I adjusted my already messy hair and sat on the hood of the car. The metal was hot but I didn't move an inch. I leaned back and enjoyed the warm wind that moved under my sweaty clothes.

After a few minutes, I heard the driver's door open and close. I hugged my knees and glued my gaze to the distance while Seeley stopped beside me.

"This is hopeless." He put his hand on the hood beside me.

"Maybe it will get better." I tried to cheer him up even though it was more than obvious that his frown was not his reaction to us getting late.

"Maybe." He said and hopped on the hood, sitting dangerously close to me.

I kept my stillness as his elbow was touching mine, trying my best to remain calm. In the last six months, this was the only time that there were only the two of us which was why my heart would not stop racing.

Oh, how things would have changed if I didn't mess with our friendship up half a year ago.

"You're okay?" I asked softly. I didn't expect anything because he'd end up surprising me as he did at the gas station an hour ago.

"What do you want me to say to that?" His eyes met mine. They were intense but also calm. A strange mixture of his anxiety and swallowed anger.

I turned away and bit into my lower lip. I didn't want to be like Clara to tell him what he should be feeling or telling others.

Only if I had known that we'd been walking on eggshells then I would have chosen my words carefully. I messed it up and the guilt just wouldn't let me breathe fully.

"I want you to tell me what you're feeling," I let the words fall off my lips carefully.

He scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Okay, Dr. Phil." He said already loosening up.

I knew I shouldn't have been this happy but I was much more relieved now that his coldness has been falling off of his face.

"Or don't." I shrugged. "I don't want to force anything on you."

When he looked at me there was that unknown feeling hiding in his eyes that I'd seen in the gas station after our shopping. I liked how he looked calm but also collected while holding my gaze. I would have hated to see him fall apart already.

He looked down at his hands, cracking his fingers. I tried to ignore the hairs standing on my arm from his bones' cracking. I just hated when people did that.

"Would you stop please?" I asked, flinching.

He snapped his head to me, confused at first then when he saw me staring at his hands, he also dropped his gaze to them.

"Sorry, I forgot you didn't like that." He murmured and shook his hands before relaxing them.

I hated how much time we've been apart that he'd started to forget things about me. And I hated that I knew I was in no position to be disappointed like that.

We've been so close to each other… How could every bridge burn down in only a few minutes?

"Look about what happened when Tadano was with us…" he started it, his voice deep and small.

"If you want to apologize," I interrupted him. "Just don't."

He looked disturbed by my comment but also sad at the same time.

"I know you hate apologizing," he said and I sighed. "But I really do owe you this much."

"I don't." I put my hands up. "I shouldn't have intervened. It wasn't my place to say anything."

"It's not that, Heds." Seeley calmed me softly. "I didn't have the right to talk to you like that…"

"You were already irritated and I just kept pushing you, it's on me." I admitted but he shook his head.

"I don't want you to think that you are not allowed to say a word around me," he looked into my eyes. "I'm really sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry for." I said while I tilted my head to the side.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he continued while he started to give me the imitation of a puppy.

"It's alright." I gave him a warm smile which he returned. "You don't have to apologize for everything, Seeley."

"Sorry about that," he said and I scoffed.

"You've been spending so much time with Clara that you even started to apologize for your existence." I said.

He tore his gaze away from me and got lost in his thoughts and probably memories too.

"I almost apologized for that too," he let out a sad laugh which was full of pain and doubts.

I guess, he just didn't notice that subordinating behavior that he had picked up since Clara started to date him. And it was sad.

What kind of things could have happened when they were all alone that changed Seeley so much that he would have kept apologizing forever for an accidental outburst that was driven by his frustration.

I wanted to ask him about it but we've been doing so great that I didn't want to ruin his mood. I wasn't here to remind him of his grievance.

I wanted to help because it was the least I could do but if he didn't want help then I couldn't force my services on him.

I hated not being able to help. Maybe if we were still close friends then he would have been more open with me and would let me help.

I needed to earn his trust again if I wanted to help him as much as I could.

"Funny thing is that she wasn't angry about this sudden summer holiday of mine." he spoke after a few minutes.

I looked back at him but he was staring at the cloudless sky that's been nothing but a blue blanket above our heads.

"Who?" I asked, not daring to say her name again.

"Clara." He corrected himself easily.

"That's surprising." I admitted honestly. "But also a good thing."

When he didn't say anything I leaned forward carefully, trying to read his face.

"Isn't it?"

"It is," he nodded. "But I had expected something else."

You mean you had expected her to make a whole screaming drama out of it, I wanted to correct him but I bit into my tongue before I could open my mouth.

"She was surprised and at first tried to talk me out of it." He added. "Then I even suggested that she could come with me…"

I tensed and held my breath in. If she had accepted his invitation then I'd be dead before this summer ends.

How would I explain to her about Seeley being a genuine guy and giving me a ride?

"But then she said that she can't leave her job now." He added and I sighed in relief. "Their shop is lacking people right now and she's got to work double shifts sometimes."

I winced and let my knees go. Overworking and pushing your boundaries never ended in a good way, no matter who were we talking about.

"That sucks." I dropped my gaze.

"Yeah." He agreed quietly. "Honestly, I had expected her to lash out and lock me into her room. I can definitely see her doing that."

"Isn't it suffocating?" I asked carefully and he stared down at his hands.

"It is." He said after a short pause. Even if he had only said two words, I could feel the numerous weight inside of them that have been pulling him down into the darkness.

"And she doesn't see that?" I asked. I was glad that he decided to open up even a little bit but I wasn't happy with the direction of our conversation.

"She does and tries to be better," he told me wryly. " It just takes time to change and leave your insecurities behind."

"Of course it does." I agreed. Some people need years to become decent human beings, like Clara Dallen.

"She's working now?" I asked, shifting in my place. It was hard to talk so casually about someone who has been wearing Seeley out mentally for months now.

"Yes," he answered. "Then she heads over to her co-worker's house for a movie night. His name is Mark, I think."

I arched an eyebrow at his confession. I found it quite unfair that she was allowed to be over-possessive with Seeley but he wasn't even allowed to talk to other people.

Their relationship must have been a one-sided disaster from time to time.

"It's your time then to freak out and jump to conclusions."

He snorted and took his cap off to run his fingers through his hair.

"I don't need to do that."

"Oh, come on," I threw my hand in the air. "Don't tell me that you wouldn't return her favor only once in your life. She's got to learn how mentally exhausting she really is."

Seeley played with the baseball cap in his hands while listening to me.

"I'd rather talk with her about it."

"And sitting down solved anything?" I asked.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, answering my question without a word or his voice. His face gave it all away.

"She wasn't very fond of the idea of talking things through seriously," he added.

"Then it's sealed." I answered right away, getting too supportive. "People like her won't understand words. Sometimes you need to communicate through your action to give it to their attention."

"I still can't do that."

"Why not?" I asked. "She is going over to someone's house. Just harass her with a few texts. So that she knows that you care as much as she does."

The irony was really clear in my tone and even Seeley took a notice of that.

"She'll sleep with him, I know that for sure." Seeley nodded and my eyes widened.

I didn't expect that answer at all. I had expected him to be hesitant to be in charge for once but I had definitely not seen this one coming at all.

I was more confused than I could have comprehended. Why was he so calm and almost numb about the fact that she'd spend the night with someone else?

"What are you saying?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"That I don't even need to overreact things or be suspicious of her actions because I'm very well aware of what she'll do." He explained but his choice of words only confused me even more.

"And you're okay with this?" I waved my finger around. I tried my best to be patient with him but I would have never thought that he'd end up being a doormat for someone else. Especially in a relationship.

"Of course I'm not."

"Then leave her, cheating is disgusting already." I frowned. "Don't put up with that, love yourself a little."

He let out a forced laugh before his eyes found me.

"It's not cheating."

"Doing intimate things with other people that you are only supposed to do with your boyfriend once you promised loyalty is pretty much cheating in my book."

Something told me that he had already had a conversation like that because he wasn't even surprised by my reaction or disbelief.

"Trust me, this isn't cheating."

"It's jumping on someone else's dick then?" I asked.

Seeley laughed at my childish question which only made me more curious. I wanted to know why was he defending her actions like that.

"No, Heds."

"Enlighten me then."

"Ever heard of the term 'open relationship'?"

He asked and I closed my mouth. I was so overwhelmed by jumping in conclusions that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Since we were talking about Clara I had expected the worst from her.

"Maybe I read about it somewhere…" My voice trailed off. I felt like a fool now. I was so quick to judge the situation because I wanted to help so much that I ended up being the one who spoke first before using her brain.

Good thing I wasn't in a relationship with anyone. The poor guy would have been torn into shreds by my quick judgments. We wouldn't even last more than two hours.

"Sorry, I just don't want you to get hurt." I said, my voice small and vulnerable.

"It's okay." He nudged me with his shoulder. "You're cute when those wheels in your brain start to roll and you don't even stop to think for minutes."

I rolled my eyes and dropped my head. Why did I say anything in the first place? It was so embarrassing.

"I've spent too much time with my mother." I murmured and he laughed.

"That would be the best explanation for this."

I smiled and looked at the traffic in front of us. More and more people started to take walks next to their cars.

"And you're okay with being in an open relationship?" I asked.

"I have to be." Seeley shrugged as if his needs or feelings didn't matter in their relationship at all.

"Stop that." I pinched his arm and he jerked it away automatically.

"That hurts." He frowned and rubbed his arm. "What was that for?"

"For underestimating yourself, Mr. Drewitt." I pointed at him. "Don't you ever think that a relationship is only what one of you want."

So, he didn't want to be in an open relationship, his eyes answered me. Clara most likely forced him into it or manipulated him to think that it would be a good and healthy thing.

"So, that means you're seeing other people too, right?" I asked, hoping he was so that it wouldn't be only comfortable and enjoyable for Clara.

When he shook his head, I narrowed my eyes.

"She'd kill me if I did that."

"But she can sleep with whoever she wants?" I asked and he nodded. "That's unfair and unhealthy."

"Tell me something new, Heds."

I huffed and crossed my legs. His relationship was more complicated and manipulative than I could have ever imagined. I just didn't understand what had made Clara into a gaslighting girlfriend.

I knew that she wasn't the best but I would have thought that maybe she was showing her other side in a relationship. Especially since Seeley was her boyfriend who had been the most humble and respectful person in our class.

Why would anyone want to torment someone like him? I just didn't get it.

"I'll tell you what." I slapped my knee.

"I'm all ears." He mumbled.

"Why don't you do the same?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure you'd find someone in Cannon Beach who wouldn't kick you out of their bed."

"But Clara…"

"She'd never know." I shook my head. "Plus it is in the definition of an open relationship. So if she can do it then so can you. She isn't your boss. Remind her of that."

Seeley seemed lost of all words. I waited in patience while he was thinking my answer through.

"A relationship is about two people, not one, Seeley." I continued. "Don't even let her change your mind about that."

He seemed proud and thankful for my advice. I was sure that he was aware of that, he just needed to hear it from someone else.

And I was proud of myself that I could help or at least cheer him up a little and remind him that he was a person too who was allowed to have feelings.

"Look at you, Heds." He smiled. "A grown woman, huh?"

I scoffed but also couldn't hide my small smile. When he put his sweaty cap on my head, I sighed and let it fall into my face while all he'd do was laugh

"That's not funny, you sweat like a hooker in church."

"Am I now?" He laughed even harder and wiped my wet hair out of my face. "Look who is talking."

I gave in after a few seconds and joined him, our bright and cloudless laughter filling the air between us.