Chapter 39

DECEMBER

I was staring at the snowflakes dancing in the air before softly landing on the ground. Even though all of the windows were closed, it was cold because the heat didn't work that day.

I was sitting in my jacket and played with my scarf while completely ignoring Mr. Bennet's lecture about the history of mankind.

I just never felt the connection between the subject and me because I hated memorizing the names and dates. Why do we still need to know every unnecessary detail if I didn't want to do anything with history?

Especially now that I've been working in overhours and slept even less than I already have been.

Mr. Bennet ignored me sleeping in his classes but not lately now that the finals and our graduation would be around the corner soon.

Seeley slightly pulled the end of my hair which caused me to flinch because I was so lost in my thoughts.

I turned my head to the side when I saw him lifting a piece of paper above my shoulder. I took it from him before Mr. Bennet would notice anything.

I heard Seeley leaning back in his chair and then tapping his pen against his notebook which was probably almost empty because he almost never made notes.

I unfolded the paper and turned it to read his letter.

r u up for the date tonight?

I smiled carefully before shaking my head and writing down my answer. When Mr. Bennet looked at his laptop's screen, I quickly gave the crankled paper back to Seeley.

Watching you get your ass kicked in basketball is not a date

I heard Seeley chuckle before sighing and leaning on his table, getting close to me.

"That was heartless." He whispered.

I arched an eyebrow at his comment before glancing at Clara who was the first to tell me how much of a heartless bitch I've been.

"I thought you knew I didn't have a heart." I answered lowering my tone.

He moved in his chair before tapping my back. I almost jumped because he pushed a muscle that has always been ticklish for me.

"I might be the only one who knows that you in fact have something in your chest. And if it's not a heart then it's definitely something smiliar to it."

I smiled and shook my head. I hoped that no one heard his weak attempt to try to get me change my mind about the things our classmates said about me.

It was already enough for me to hear it.

"I don't think I'm that bad in basketball."

"You're right. You're not bad just horrible. Especially when it comes to passes." I tried to hide back my smile that kept creeping onto my face. I didn't want Mr. Bennet to notice us.

"In this team we are not familiar with the term pass." He said easily. "Especially Louis."

"Well, didn't Louis quit the team before?" I asked.

"Yeah but he realized that basketball was the only thing that helped him get into parties and get laid so he came back."

I scoffed and drew a sun on the top of my paper. I forgot my books at home. Again.

After running from work to home then to school, I was surpirsed that my head was still attached to my neck.

"But he doesn't even look that good."

"And do I look good?"

I froze because he asked the question the same time when Mr. Bennet glanced up. For a moment I had a thought that he might have heard us but then he continued to speak and write something on the board.

"I'm trying to concentrate, Seeley." I murmured and acted like I wrote something down that might have been important.

He was always this kind of flirty but fierce boy. Sometimes I wondered how did we became friends after he messed my caramel experiment up. I could listen to my mother calling me names and an idiot while she didn't even want to hear my reasons.

"Suit yourself." He said. "So, it's a date."

I sighed and fought the urge to smack him in the head. Mr. Bennet has already disliked me enough for either sleeping or obviously being bored at his class, and I didn't need more detention. I couldn't risk being fired from my job.

Not after my mother dramatically skipped days just because she's had a conflict with someone at her workplace.

I wished I had the chance to leave her and never even look back. My life would have been so much easier. I'd be alone and I wouldn't be attacked at my home by my own mother who has never been at peace with herself.

After the bell rang, I threw my stuff into my bag and stood up, not even looking at Seeley.

I knew he was kidding because he was almost never serious but sometimes it made me nervous how flirtatious he could be.

"Heddy? Can I talk to you for a second?" Mr. Bennet asked.

I mentally rolled my eyes and when Clara glanced over her shoulder and gave me a smug smile, I frowned.

Walking over to his desk, I tried to look open and respectful while I wanted to do nothing but throw his coffee into his face.

"Yes, Mr. Bennet?" I asked and held it into my bag.

He gathered the papers on his desk as my classmates roamed out of the room, giving me side glances. Some of them even bumped into me on purpose.

"I'm afraid if you can't pass the next test, you'll fail." He said and my blood turned into ice.

Not that he told me something new because I was aware of the fact that my grades were awful and I only needed one or two worse grades to fail.

But hearing it from the significant teacher always made it more embarrassing or unbearable. Especially with their fake sympathetic smile on their smug faces.

Sometimes I wondered what was the reason that someone started a career as a teacher after knowing the fact that they hated teenagers with their whole being.

They must have been neglected by their parents and wanted to get revenge by ruining our days for four years or even more if they could fail us.

Someone from my class has already been suspended because Mr. Bennet didn't know how to handle the conflict that has been built between us.

"I know and I'm trying my best." I said quietly, not daring to look around because I could already hear my classmates whispering and chuckling behind me as they walked out of the classroom that was full of historical movie posters such as Gladiator, Braveheart, or Schindler's List.

Mr. Bennet has always made us watch at least one of these usually at the end of the year after we've only got a week left before the summer break.

"Try harder, Heddy." He said and I almost grabbed him by his neck. It was always so easy to talk about certain things. "A few days and winter break starts and I won't make other tests so that you could get your grades up even a little. I'm already behind myself with all the tests on my desk all the time."

If he knew that he didn't have enough time to get things done why did he give us tests almost every fifth day?

This was our last year before starting to live our lives officially. Most of us planned on continuing to study and go to college or take a course or start working right away. And Mr. Bennet seemed to enjoy us being stressed all the time and he even put more oil to the fire so that he could lower our grades.

And he almost succeeded with me. He only needed a few steps to take and I'd officially fail his class which would be the most humiliating thing to achieve.

I didn't plan on going to college or doing something that was related to studying but I also didn't want to be stuck in high school for another year.

Not talking about my mother who would definitely kill me if I failed.

"I'm not planning on failing, the last few weeks have been a little crazy." I admitted and sighed. "I don't want to stay behind."

Mr. Bennet studied me before shifting his head, his red hair falling to the side. He always reminded me of a fox that didn't understand its surroundings with his dark eyes and pale skin but fire-red hair.

"I can understand that these times can be really stressful, I just don't want you to fail." He said with a smug smile.

Only if he cared enough to acknowledge the fact that history has been the most boring subject to me.

"I can give you however an assignment in case your next test wouldn't be as great as it would need to be." He said with sparkling eyes and I took a step back.

I was confused and didn't want to stay in the same room as him. But his offer seemed something important that I just couldn't ignore.

I was almost a hundred percent sure that he'd give me something that was some AP History shit and I already mentally groaned in pain.

"Yes?"

He adjusted his shirt while he was thinking about my possible torture.

"How about the end of the Cold War?" He asked and I sighed. "And just to cover the whole topic, you might write also about the New World Order. How does that sound?"

Horrible.

Disgusting.

Atrocious.

Nerve-Wrecking.

"Perfect." I forced a smile which he returned. "How long it should be?"

He rubbed his jaw, letting me know non-verbally that I won't have an easy time. I already glared at him while he was staring out the window.

I hated to give him the opportunity to ruin my mood not only for the day but for the next week also.

"How about six or seven pages?"

My eyes almost widened but I tried to recover and I enhaled as if I didn't want to strangle him.

"As in maybe three pages about the end of the war and how it ended. And the next three would be about the New World Order?"

He gave me little nods before humming agreement.

"That would be great." He said and I nodded while swallowing but it felt like there were needles in my throat.

"I'll start it today." I promised when I knew that I wouldn't start it for about days. There was no way I'd waste my time on his assignment just to not fail before the first semester ends.

God, I hated Mr. Bennet so much that even words couldn't describe my burning hatred that I felt toward him. It was enough for me to see him in the distance while walking down the hallway just to see red.

"Excellent." He said and closed his laptop. "You're dismissed."

So, are you. To Hell.

I said my goodbye before hurrying out of the room so that I could finally breathe. His cologne was still horrible even after four years. No wonder he was on the edge of a divorce.

Hell, I was more surprised at the fact that his wife didn't throw him out sooner than now.

At least our Math teacher, Mr. Jandrell, was a funny guy who also hated Mr. Bennet as much as I did. He was always so eager to tell us a few gossips while he was waiting for the projector to start working in the beginning of his classes.

Despite me not being a big brain in Math, I loved Mr. Jandrell's class because he always made sure I wouldn't get Fs to my tests. He didn't want any of us to fail hence this being our last year before graduating and stepping into the real world.

Fighting my way through the sea of students to my locker, I felt someone step on my shoes while someone else's elbow found my ribs a second later.

When I finally reached my locker, I saw Emilia and Seeley talking while waiting for me. Seeley noticed me first then nodded toward me, causing Emilia to stop talking and turn to me.

"Here you are." Emilia said. "I started to think that you got suspended."

I furrowed my eyebrows and opened my locker.

"For what?"

Emilia shrugged.

"I don't know. Mr. Bennet hates you with passion, he could easily make up a story that no one would believe only the principal because you once dared to blow your nose out in class and interrupted his lecture."

I laughed dryly and opened my bag to throw my books into the locker. There was no way I'd carry them around all day.

"I have to write an assignment."

"And this is my cue to leave the sinking ship." Seeley interrupted us as he started to walk away. "Meet you, girls, at the match?"

"You bet. There is no way I'd miss seeing you being trampled like a bug."

"I'm not that bad, okay?" Seeley asked.

We both knew he had his ways with the ball but somezimes it wasn't enough if the rivals had huge players who were twice Seeley's twice. Then the only thing that could helped him was his speed.

"Yeah, yeah…" Emilia nodded, not even listening.

Seeley shook his head then sent me a wink before walking away.

Emilia turned back to me with a questioning look in her eyes.

"You still don't believe that Seeley likes you?"

I closed my locker, a little harder than I had intended to and glared at her.

This was a topic that would always come up with Emilia for weeks now and I was tired of it.

"Are we talking about it again?"

"We are still talking about it." Emilia corrected me. "How blind are you? He is totally into you."

"Just because he flirts with me?" I asked.

Emilia nodded twice.

"Yes."

"Hate to break it to you but he acts this way around every other girl that he is close to." I said with a grimace.

"He doesn't do these kinds of things with me." Emilia argued.

"Because you are always rude and he doesn't want to piss you off because you can't understand sarcasm." I fired back hesitantly.

"He stares at you all the time and started to greet you with hugs. He doesn't hug Leigh or at least not that often as he does it with you." Emilia continued and put her hair behind her ears.

"My point still stands." I said fiercely. "Besides, can you imagine me being his girlfriend? We would look ridiculous. I like him as a friend but I just can't see us a couple. We'll never be together."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Emilia said as we started to walk toward the cafeteria.

"Anyway, can you help me?"

Emilia acted confused or she clearly didn't understand me.

"Help you with what?" She asked. "Sleep you at night?"

I laughed and pushed her away. I liked how clueless but still funny she's always managed to be.

"With the assignment that Mr. Bennet gave me," I said and she sighed.

"It's a hard question because I'm still tutoring Matt and Ian. Those two idiots." She murmured under her breath.

I knew that she didn't have enough time outside of school trying her best to always get her homework done, study for the tests and exams and somehow still tutoring our classmates.

But right now Emilia was my only hope.

"Please, Em. I can't fail this class." I begged her. "And you're way smarter than I ever could be."

Emilia seemed to think about my reasoning as we walked into the line while the familiar noise of the other students welcomed us in the busy cafeteria while the snow was still falling from the gray sky.

"And what do I get out of this?" She asked, gesturing between us.

I shrugged and adjusted my scarf under my jaw.

"I don't know. It's up to you." I said. A part of me was afraid of what she'd ask in return but I was in no position to withdraw or reject anything. Emilia was my one and last hope if I didn't want to come back in September.

Knowing Emilia it either would be something related to bringing her lunch for a month or something more extreme. I didn't even dare to guess what would be waiting for me on the other side of the road I just stepped onto.

"I know." Her eyes lit up and I turned back to her. I already didn't like the triumph smile on her lips.

But I had no choice. For once I could endure whatever thing she'd put onto my shoulders to weigh me down.

"I want you to prove me that Seeley doesn't have feelings for you." She said and my eyes widened in confusion.

"And how exactly should I do that?" I asked. "Ask him to tell you that he only sees me as another friend of his?"

She shook her head and grabbed a tray then gave me one.

"If you are so sure that I'm just overreacting and thinking things about you two then you go up to him tonight and kiss him after the match."

I felt my body freeze in place while she didn't look sorry at all. There were huge downsides of this and she must have known.

"Are you crazy?" I asked. "Why would I kiss my friend?"

"To prove me wrong." She shrugged.

"But that would only make things awkward between us and I don't want that kind of pressure in my life right now." I glared at her.

What she's just told me was plain down ridiculous. Kiss Seeley? Who has been close to being another best friend of mine?

I'd either crush everything that we slowly had built up over the last four years or he'd might think that I was the one who caught feelings.

"You already know how I feel about going out with classmates. This is just as bad."

However Emilia wasn't effected by my pleading eyes. She hold her ground fiercely and had the audacity to blackmail me while giving me the cold shoulder.

"You can always reassure him that it was just a prank or something and we would all move on with our lives." She said easily.

"But things would never be the same." I argued. "I don't want to mess this one up too. Don't you think enough people hate me? You want me to put Seeley up on that list too?"

Emilia stepped forward and scanned the cafeteria with her eyes. Her make-up was almost perfect if she didn't put that much of a lipstick on her lips.

"He'd never hate you." Emilia said. "Your friendship is strong enough believe me. We would all laugh about this tomorrow."

My stomach turned and heart was racing because I didn't want to be that kind of person who wouldn't use her brain before taking a step like this.

"You want me to write the assignment for you or not?"

I dropped my gaze defeatedly.

"Yes."

"Then show me that he is just another guy who flirts with anyone who has boobs." She said easily then turned to the old woman standing in the kitchen, waiting for us.

I tried to shake my nerves off but I just couldn't.

Especially when I saw Seeley on the other side of the cafeteria with the basketball team. They were nudging each other and talking about something in an exciting way. Probably the match.

As if Seeley has sensed my eyes landing on him, he turned his head to me and his eyes softened before sending me a wink.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tore my gaze away before I'd let him know that something was not right and probably never will be.

This was high school anyway, teenagers did dumb things like that, right? It wasn't very uncommon.

**

Our team has lost. And what was even worse was that Seeley's team was only two points, exactly one shot, behind.

I could see the disappointment on Austin's and Seeley's face as if they bumped their fist with each other.

"Well, that sucks." Emilia groaned when the rival team seemed to jump out of their skin in their happiness.

I felt sorry for our team because they were working really hard, only to be stopped by the horn.

And the even worse thing was that Seeley was about to throw the ball which successfully fell into the basket smoothly but he was two seconds late.

"Yeah, it does." I said, biting my nails.

"Look at the bright side of this." Emilia slammed my thigh.

"What?"

I was already afraid of her answer. I have hoped that by seeing the sad look on Seeley's face, she'd back out from our agreement.

"This is another thing that I can annoy him with." Emilia grinned and I shook my head.

We watched the teams shaking hands with each other and when they walked into the changing room, the coach followed them in a defeated body gesture. He has been just as excited and porud as the teachers seemed to be.

When I noticed her taking a bottle out of her bag, she turned to me.

"You want some?"

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Water? No thanks, I have my coke." I answered and she blinked.

"It's vodka." She answered without any remorse as my eyes widened in surprise.

"And you brought that with yourself?"

She glanced down at the bottle before giving me a weird look.

"Of course I did, it's a match night." She shook her head as if I was the stupid one.

I watched her take a long swing as the crowd started to dissolve around us. Students and families were ready to leave this shithole while the end scores were still lightning on the scoreboard.

"I think you're going to need it." She said and I sighed.

"Do I have to?"

She gestured her hand around.

"We had a deal. I'll do your homework so that you won't fail and you prove me wrong." She put her hand up. "

I ran my fingers through my hair as the number of people kept increasing. I was terrified yet didn't want to say no.

The only goal that floated in front of me was to get Emilia to do my history assignment. And if she wanted me to kiss Seeley for it?

It was the only thing she asked for in return. I didn't need to spend my money on anything or waste my time on anything ridiculous.

If I looked at the other side of the coin she gave me, I got off the hook pretty easily.

"Okay. Give it to me." I said and grabbed the bottle from her.

I closed my eyes as the alcohol slowly made its way down my throat, burning it as it also boiled my blood.

When I gave it back to Emilia, my head started pinning, causing me to grip my knees as I shut my eyes.

"Are you sure you're not an alcoholic?" She joked. "You almost drank half of it."

I needed every possible power in me to do what I was ordered to do. And there was no way my sober mind would have let me ruin my friendship with Seeley.

"I can't think straight if I want to fulfill your wish." I said and pushed myself up. I stumbled a little then put my hair behind my air and walked down the stairs.

"Yes, girl!"

I shook my hands as I took the same path as the basketball did had done before. I took my time, hoping that Seeley might push me away and laugh at my terrible joke.

I was begging for the lord or someone that could hear me at that moment. I wanted nothing but just be right about Seeley.

If he had feelings for me, he would have told me that by now. He wasn't the kind of person who has been waiting for a long time to get things down.

When I first encountered with him in Chemistry, he hadn't hesitated to let me know how much I had been annoying him.

Later that year he hadn't hesitated to let Clara know that it was pathetic how much she had been trying to get under our skin.

And a few weeks earlier he hadn't hesitated to get into a fight with Louis from the basketball team for being a generous pain in the ass.

Seeley Drewitt has always been the kind of person who gave voice to his thoughts almost immediately. He has hated to wait and to swallow his feelings and thoughts.

That was why I was sure that there was no way he had feelings for me. Especially since we have shared the same kind of view about dating a classmate. It would be awkward after breaking up because usually, high school couples have always broken up. As if that had been an unwritten rule that followed us everywhere like a cloud.

And it felt great to have a friend – who was also a guy – that understood your points and even shared them.

I barely felt the weight of my limbs as I walked toward the changing room. When I carefully opened the door I saw that it was empty.

We might have stayed in our seats for too long with Emilia. I crept into the room that was stinky and almost dark.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice sounding too loud in the silence.

I heard someone moving around the back of the room and I jumped. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Seeley stepping out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel.

"Heds?"

I stared at his body because this was the first time that I'd ever seen him almost naked. My gaze ran over his athletic but thin body.

He'd told us that he'd just started to visit the gym outside of school but I could already see a little change in his arms.

"I'm so sorry." I blurt and quickly turned around after I realized that I've been just checking him out. I covered my eyes instantly even though my back was facing him.

He let out a tired laugh and moved around. I was so shocked and startled that I barely left myself breathe.

"It's nothing." He said and I slowly turned back. He was still in a towel as he leaned over the bench to grab his clothes.

I couldn't move. It seemed like something was weighting my body so much that all I could do was to stand there like a fool.

"Don't be hard on yourself." I said suddenly and he looked up at me. "You did everything you could."

He shook his head and dropped his clothes to run his fingers through his wet hair. Even though I never considered him being anything more than my friend and Chemistry labor partner, I couldn't deny that he was a sight for sore eyes without clothes.

"I didn't." He said quietly. "If I did then we would have won."

I shook my head and automatically stepped closer to him, trying to get his attention. He was a good player but he was too tired in the last five minutes but he still managed to make a perfect shot. Even if it was too late. Everyone saw that he had talent.

"Don't say that." I said. "You almost won and that's gotta mean something."

When he stared into my eyes, it felt like he was staring right at my soul. And I hated myself for doing something really stupid while being a little drunk.

"You know, it would have been great if I wouldn't have been a slot. We have been practicing for this match for so long and I still wasn't fast enough." He shook his head and put his hands on his hips.

I frowned at him battling with accepting his mistake.

"You can't win all the time, Seeley." I tried to break his shell. "There are times when you lose but in those moments you also realize what your worth really is."

As our eyes locked together, I felt my throat dry while my body was still hot from Emilia's drink. It was time.

When he noticed me scooching closer, he took a sharp breath and swallowed.

"Heds," his voice was low, almost vulnerable.

His voice and the way he looked at me pulled at my heartstrings because he had no idea what I was about to do or why.

Before he could say anything, I grabbed his wet neck and pulled his head down to me for a kiss. His lips were cold and they felt against my overheated body.

I got lost in our kiss while he tensed, unsure if I really did that.

Just when I was about to pull away and start to apologize and explain everything to him, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back to him.

I was surprised as our bodies crashed together, him wetting my shirt and jacket. His tongue grazed over my lip, asking for entrance, and when I parted my lips, he didn't hesitate to push his inside my mouth to explore me.

He groaned and backed me up against the lockers. As my back slammed against the doors, I felt another kind of heat building inside of me that wasn't welcomed in any particular way. But Seeley's kiss blinded me so much that I couldn't care for my inner voice telling me to stop because it was already bad.

His hands were everywhere. In my hair, on my back and waist while he pressed himself against me so much that I could hardly breathe.

I dragged my nails across his back as he breathed into my mouth. He was an amazing kisser.

Suddenly I remembered where we were and why I had come inside anyway and something snapped in me.

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be pushing me against the lockers while making out with me without hesitation. And I couldn't let things go far.

We were just friends. That was the whole point of our kiss. To prove Emilia wrong about her accusations.

I pulled away, trying to catch my breath and Seeley wiped his hair out of his face. His eyes seemed darker than night now that his face was only inches away from mine.

His thumb grazed over my bottom lips, sending chills down my spine.

"I wanted to tell you that—"

I already slipped out of his hold and wiped my mouth. He turned after me as I was about to walk away.

"Heds?"

I faced him and put on my best stoic and also flat expression. Even if he did feel something for me, I didn't want to hear it. It would ruin everything.

"Can you not make a big deal out of this?" I asked coldly and his face dropped. I hated being this harsh and cold with him but there was no other way to get my opinion through his skull.

He furrowed his eyebrows and adjusted the towel on his hips.

"Not make a big deal out of this?" He repeated, genuinely confused.

I nodded with a bitter taste in my mouth. As if our kiss has poisoned me. We were on the edge of a bridge that started to collapse as our friendship did.

And we both were standing on opposite sides.

"Yes, I don't want anyone to know about this." I said and walked away before I could see the damage that I have caused to him. "Thanks."

I bit into my lips while walking through the empty hallway, picking on my fingernails. I felt shit but not only because of hurting his feelings. Also because I might have been wrong about him all along.

I didn't know what he was about to say but I never wanted to hear.

Because if it would turn out that he has been liking me more as a friend then that would put more pressure on my shoulders and I was already struggling.

Struggling with school, struggling with my job, struggling with the bullies, struggling with my mother, and every damn thing that came in between.

I felt tears prickling in my eyes. I was about to lose a great person from my life, I knew that already. I didn't need to wait for his reaction.

And next week when we saw Seeley walking into school with Clara on his side, being way too touchy with each other, I realized that there was no way things could ever be the same with us.

I could only hope that Clara – despite being an evil witch – treated him right.

Because he deserved every good thing after what I'd done to him. Clara could give him what I couldn't. Security, passion and pride.

I wondered if we would ever overcome from this or we will just give each other the cold shoulder and walk away from each other, never looking back.