webnovel

My Pick Up Artist System

"With this system, I'll become the world's greatest seducer! If it doesn't kill me first..." I was a nobody, a short fatty Otaku. Then, a girl's voice popped into my head: [Seduce a woman within a month or die.] "What the hell...how? I'm an 18-year-old virgin..." [7+ looks only. No slam donkeys.] "You’re forcing me to die!” Facing annihilation, I saw no choice but to join the international community of pick up artists, and from that day forward, my boring student life became filled with craziness and womanizing. I just had one problem: "Why are all these guys insane?!?" Pick Up Artist: One who uses specialized tactics to seduce women. Additional Tags: weak to strong, supernatural, action, fantasy, funny, dungeon, face smacking, bloodlines, modern, harem, r-18, litrpg,magic, cultivation, martial arts, shameless protagonist, parody, satire, succubus, netori, adult, ecchi, sex, hidden gem, drama, wuxia, adventure, mature, school life, seinen, princess, billionaire, werewolves, xuanhuan, erotic, erotica, romance, revenge, polygamy, psychological, r18, 18, 18+, smut, hentai, comedy, light novel, alchemy, system. *No Netorare or Yuri. *If you dislike harem, I guarantee this one will be different and become the best harem you've read on WN. There are colorful characters, no bad romance, and no annoying female conflicts driving the plot. *Every volume so far has been even better than the prior one. *If you're wary of reading originals, I assure you that I'm a native English speaker and you'll find the writing here to be at a print professional standard. If I said this story had the 2nd best grammar on Webnovel, no author or translator would dare say theirs had the 1st. *If you doubt any of the above, please read the hundreds of 5-star reviews. Some originals may have more reviews because they're older or get more marketing from Webnovel, but I doubt they have more glowing 5-star reviews. RELEASE SCHEDULE: 1 new chapter posted every day by 12 pm Est/12 am GMT+8. Bonus chapters don't have a set time, but if there are some pending, on per day is posted for 2 chaps/day total. Join the largest Webnovel Discord of 2500+ readers for character art and more: https://discord.gg/VSKzgzV8J9 (case-sensitive) If you'd like to make a Paypal donation to support the cultural cause of the novel and author: https://bit.ly/3lU4xD1

SamsaraWithWords · Urbano
Classificações insuficientes
345 Chs

Welcome to hell. We have such sights to show you!

Legends say when you're in a haunted place and walk through a ghost, you feel a chill. Ben felt like his balls were about to freeze off...but the people around him were alive. 'Is this hell? Did someone dose me with hallucinogenics?'

The sound of electronic music flared as Ben appreciated the "New-age" decor: X-shaped giant crosses with people tied to them, benches with adults lying down and getting spanked, an old man strapped into a hospital bed screaming puzzling obscenities. "F*ck your ass, you cumguzzling thunderc*nts! You Jizz-inhaling gerbil-f*ckers! Get that pickle sniffer out here! Where is Doctor Dildo Baggins?!?"

...

'Who owns this place?!? Clive Barker?!?' Ben didn't stop to smell the roses in this shart garden...Instead, he rushed through at the fastest speed he could muster without tripping over a sex toy! 'Escape!'

The young were hopeful, but hope was the ultimate concealed curse in Pandora's box. Hell hath many layers!

People dressed head to toe in furry animal costumes!

Santa Claus making out with the Easter Bunny!

Adults in diapers sucking on pacifiers!

"Waaaaa!" One middle-aged man was in an adult-sized crib crying like a baby!

A woman came out and started breastfeeding him!

"Don't let that thing grow up!" Ben screamed as he ran away.

He turned the corner and thought he was safe when he heard shouting ahead.

Two men in leather were choking each other blue. Ben thought they were fighting and hurried over to break it up. "Hey, calm down! Stop it!"

They both glanced at him, then each put a hand on one of his shoulders. One spoke. "What's up? Want to get in on this? We could make it a three-way choke and poke!"

The other chimed in. "The rare trifu*kta!"

...

After a moment of confusion, Ben stepped back and darted away. "David Carradine wasn't enough? You both deserve wankcidents!"

Ben was gasping from running so much. "What's with this warehouse? It's like a damn maze!" All the frantic movement caused him to become lost. There wasn't anything like a map around and he didn't have a copy of Dante's Inferno.

Yet, he didn't dare return to those zones he passed through. Better the devil he didn't know than those damn devils!

'There must be an exit or somewhere to rest.' Ben needed to catch his breath. During a rare moment of respite, he discovered an empty sofa nearby and took a seat to get his bearings.

*BBZZZZZ*

"Ahhhhh!" Ben stood up while shaking. It electrocuted him in the anus!

He scrutinized the sofa and saw little metal pads on the seats he thought nothing of before. "Nothing is safe here!"

Ben backed away from all the furniture, searching for any safe corner where he could rest a minute. He noticed a painted black wall with various unusual writings in white chalk.

"You had me at hello."

"Bush did 9/11."

"Epstein didn't kill himself."

Ben didn't care much and set his back against it. He could only feel secure like this, with his back against the wall, a fact as ironic as it was tragic. Even so, he sighed in relief. 'Safe at last.'

There was a cup-sized round hole in the wall a foot from his head…

In the corner of his eye, Ben noticed movement…and turned.

Like when playing whack-a-mole, a beige sausage-shaped creature emerged from the wall. It was rock hard…

Ben squinted. "Diglett?" He turned pale. "No! GLORY HOLE!"

It was a glory hole! One with a political and conspiratorial bias!

On instinct, Ben threw out a punch!

"AAAAAHHHH!"

As Ben sprinted away, the scream continued behind him.

***

5 minutes later.

Ben was hiding in a large room behind a sex swing.

He heard the DM's voice as the man passed from room to room shouting. "Everyone! We've got a c*ckpuncher on the loose!"

Ben relaxed when he understood they weren't aware he was the notorious c*ckpuncher…He now had a genuine secret identity. 'My integration percentage with the Batman mask has increased...'

The DM continued. "He turned old Carl into a left leaner! …Be careful out there!"

Some random patrons yelled back.

"Shut up Steve! It's just a c*ckpuncher!"

"Yea! Hey c*ckpuncher, if you can hear this, you can come punch my di*k off! I like it!"

'This is no place for the living...' Ben switched rooms with fevered urgency. However, in this dark warehouse of primal chaos, his mind was becoming hazy.

When you keep a secret identity, your true self becomes blurred. Who was the real him? Ben? Batman? C*ckpuncher?

Was he serving justice or evil? Was he even making a difference? He didn't know anything anymore. He was tired, much too tired.

Justice was a cruel joke in this place. This warehouse didn't need justice. Evil was bred into it, multiplying, regenerating. You punch off one c*ck and 100 take its place…

The darkness never ended…

------

*Author's note: No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering.

The next chapter will be the first R-18 chapter. This is your warning. In the future, I'll put (R-18) at the end of relevant chapter titles where necessary.