Past Knocking on the Door

Author's Note: In this chapter, italics indicate dialogue spoken in Russian. Occasionally, Russian words and phrases are included for emotional emphasis, with translations provided in parentheses to aid understanding.

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Location: Los AngelesDate: July 25 2008

"So, how are we going to do it?" I asked the obvious question.

It was late afternoon, and while we had started working on our plan to take down HYDRA, we were nowhere near developing a general strategy.

Now, we also needed to include Pepper in the plan so we didn't end up doing something like what Rogers and I did to SHIELD.

At some point after my breakdown, we had moved to the kitchen, and I raided the fridge for anything we could consume. I realised we hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, and I was starting to feel it.

"Do you want to tell her everything?" Stark asked instead of answering my question.

"I don't think we need to do that," I replied after a pause and continued, "Maybe we just run our plans by her?"

"She will ask questions, specifically how we know that HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD. Don't get me wrong; I don't think telling Pepper that we have a kid in the future is something I want to do, but she won't be satisfied with no answers," Stark explained, waving his pepperoni and cheese sandwich around — the one I had just made for him.

"Yeah, I understand," I said, and I did. That sort of thing starts to eat at your brain — I could see it happening to Stark already — and we need someone who grounds us, not someone to join the paranoia train to hell.

"Security and safety reasons," I proposed and elaborated. "We tell her that we need to run it by her to make sure we don't go off the rails, but we will only tell her what she needs to know for her safety. Also, on that note, I think Agent Coulson is still in contact with her. She needs to be careful not to spill the beans to him." I raised a valid point: "Can she hide her changed perception of SHIELD from him? He's an experienced agent, and if he senses she's hiding something, he'll start digging. That's something we don't need him or anyone in SHIELD to do."

Stark was silent for a bit, contemplating the latest addition. Eventually, he spoke in a more sombre tone:

"I'll think more about it. Also, we need to make a backup plan in case either or both of us die."

"Makes sense and another point for the Extremis. If you can properly stabilise it, it would be an extra ace up our sleeve against assassination attempts or accidental death — well, mostly," I said.

Stark grimaced again, but he didn't immediately reject my idea, still thinking it over. Finally, he agreed: "Fine, I'll look into it and see what we can do right now. You mentioned early unsanctioned human tests. They cut corners, and I'm sure that wasn't the first time. It'll take time to dig it out, but by then, I'll have a running medical department in SI and try to take over the project."

"We need to remove any information about the application of Extremis as a super soldier serum from everywhere. Otherwise, we'll get heat from HYDRA too early to counter. We need to make sure that all HYDRA contacts with Killian's AIM are found and silenced if needed." I voiced my concerns about possible HYDRA involvement again.

"Yeah, and we need to run it by Pepper." I looked at Stark in surprise, but he seemed completely serious in his attempt to be the voice of reason.

Good.

"To summarise, you'll think about how we can bring Pepper into our plans without drawing SHIELD's — and, by proxy, HYDRA's — suspicion. Then, you'll work on a plan to get a hold of Extremis. We also need to come up with a backup plan in case either of us dies. Anything else?" I said, biting into my tuna salad sandwich.

"HYDRA," Stark replied, his voice laced with clear bloodthirst and anger.

"We need a strategy to move forward with them," I pressed, returning to the important part we had started discussing when Pepper left my house.

Stark silently munched on his sandwich, and I did the same, thinking about the best way to deal with HYDRA without resorting to a massacre.

🕷

In the end, we didn't come up with a super smart plan, but we both agreed that our first and most crucial step needed to be intel gathering, which meant getting into the SHIELD system. We also needed to stay under the radar as long as possible, so the second part of the plan was to stay away and project an expected image — a playboy playing hero with a chip on his shoulder and his PI friend, with everyone trying to guess if he is fucking her.

On that side, newspaper rumours were in our favour, even if we didn't plan for that.

What was definite is that any HYDRA analysis of our public activities should at least appear neutral or provide a positive outcome for their own plans. This should keep us safe from any active interference or even termination by them.

That might be complicated with AIM, but it depends on what we find about them and how we take over the Extremis project. We need to be especially careful with that.

We decided to hold off on bringing Pepper into the fold until we had a clear plan to ensure no attention came from SHIELD via Coulson.

Even then, I was sure that the less she knew, the less danger she was in. Of course, my desire to leave my future past buried played a significant role in my stance, just as much as worrying about Pepper's sanity if she learned about the sheer number of issues we needed to solve.

In the end, I went to the gym, not my home one — I needed something extensive, and training had always grounded me.

At least the heavy weight of Stark's parents' death was no longer pressing on my shoulders.

🕷

Today was one of those days when sleep eluded me. I was sitting on the stairs leading to the ocean below the house, to the small strip of sand that was not even a proper beach — just a patch under the cliff, barely 30 feet wide at low tide. At high tide, it was almost entirely submerged by crashing waves of salt water, leaving no place to put a blanket or sunbed without getting drenched.

It was deep in the night, and the moon was hiding behind the building, casting even deeper shadows everywhere around. At least the sky was beautiful, full of bright stars with rare planes or satellites crossing it and competing for my attention with a meteor or two.

The nightlife background noise, mixed with the occasional sound of an engine and the gentle, hypnotic rhythm of the ocean waves, completed the peaceful picture of nothing happening.

That was a lie.

"I expected you one month ago," I said into the night, barely loud enough to be heard a few steps away. There was no answer, no movement, but I knew she was there.

"What took you so long, сестренка¹?"

Only then did the shadow on the side of the steps fluidly move and sit beside me.

"I was under the Слепой Крот (Blind Mole) protocol for the last year."

"Твою мать², did you get out with the emergency code phrase?"

"Yeah. One day, I was the perfect wife for a rich guy in Minnesota, and then, after the call — I remembered everything. I had to leave immediately. You know how it goes when you get those codes."

"Yeah." I had my share of that. Even though I was less affected by the fallout from an emergency break compared to other Widows, it was a nightmare nonetheless.

"Any complications?"

One problem with emergency code phrases is that they affect your mental abilities, and you need a backup or extraction team to disengage safely.

"SHIELD found me a week ago. I was about to look for you anyway, but they were faster. I thought they got me — I was ready to go out with a bang, but then this guy tried to recruit me."

She said it flatly, but I could hear an apparent surprise in her undertone.

"I told him I needed to see my sister before I declined or accepted their offer." She chuckled, giving me a glance. "He gave me a business card with a tracker. Could you believe that?"

I chuckled at that as well. I was sure Clint knew it was shot into the sky but was probably overruled by protocol. Oh, I'm sure it was Clint. There are too many similarities with my recruitment. It looks like Fury decided to grab one Black Widow for himself while any on the market was available.

"I am glad you are okay, Лен³." I turned fully to face her. The stars provided just enough light to see her face, albeit in shades of grey. She looked younger than I remembered. Was it eighteen years since that Ohio mission for her? She was barely seven years old back then, and all her memories of me were painted with the childish admiration of an older sister she looked up to.

In the original timeline, I didn't handle our connection well—I didn't even try to find her then. Even though we reconnected while attempting to kill Dreykov, my decision to never look for her caused irreversible damage to her image of me all these years.

It is different this time — at least, I hope to make it so.

"Why didn't you come for me?" It was a childish question, and she even tried to pout and pretend she wasn't seriously asking. But the truth that I learned in my previous time was simple — she had been holding on to our pretend sisterhood all these years, using it to survive.

"You already know why," I replied truthfully, and she knew it. Her fake childish expression melted away as if it had never been there.

"SHIELD, they are watching you."

I just gave her a nod, maintaining eye contact.

"Initially, I thought you had already joined them and sent that guy to bring me in. But when I mentioned my sister, and he knew nothing about it, I knew then — you were not one of them."

"Was it a dark-haired, short guy with a bow?" I asked with curiosity.

"Yes, how?" she asked, not faking or hiding her surprise this time.

"I have my ways," I smiled. So it was Clint — I was right.

"So, what do you think?" she asked, watching my expression closely.

"It depends on what you want," I replied honestly.

She turned away, leaned back on the stairs, and looked up at the sky. I let her think. It was a loaded question — I knew it was.

"You know, I've imagined this moment so many times that I've lost count of..."

I let her speak, just listening to her voice and what she said, giving her my full attention. I had a similar experience in the original timeline, but that was overshadowed by my failure to kill Dreykov. Back then, she held more resentment, anger, and pain of abandonment than dreams and longing.

Maybe this time around, I can be a proper elder sister, at least for a bit.

🕷

She had finished pouring her soul out some time ago, and now we were sitting silently. At some point during her tale, she had rested her head on my lap, and since then, I had been absently running my fingers through her hair.

"I want to matter," I heard her say softly.

It felt like a knife was thrust into my chest and twisted to make sure I felt it. My old regrets, my old failures...

"Помоги мне." (Help me)

I could say that she matters to me, but that would be useless. She would hear it but not understand it. I know — I've been there myself. Fortunately, I know exactly what she needs.

"Want to help me destroy a fascist organisation?"

"Да Ладно!" (No way!) she exclaimed with surprise, but then immediately followed with excitement, "Of course, I will help!"

"You need to use the Слепой Крот (Blind Mole) again. Are you sure?"

She made a face, and honestly, I understand — I don't like it either. When I defected to SHIELD, it was one of the things I kept to myself. It was a secret SMERSH technique designed to infiltrate heavily monitored organisations. The method is based on medically-induced hypnosis, where they force you to forget part of your real identity and believe your legend is your real past. When someone uses a code phrase, your true self slowly emerges back — the longer you are under the protocol, the longer it takes — and when you come back, you are ready to complete your mission. Emergency codes are a fallback in case an agent needs immediate extraction. You regain your senses almost immediately but pay for it with migraines while your body processes the traumatic release of the chemical lock on your memories.

At some point, I discovered this protocol was the basis for the Winter Soldier program — they just made it more brutal, and instead of temporarily locking your true self, they tried to wipe it out.

"Хорошо⁴, I will do it. So, who are they?"

"SHIELD." I sweetly smiled at her, enjoying her surprise. It looks like Fury would get his Black Widow after all.

🕷

"Here is your legend. I made only a few changes — you won't remember anything about me from Ohio. There will be another girl, Natasha, who later died in training (she does look similar), and you won't recognise me as the Black Widow. If forced to meet or see my pictures or videos, you'll note that I look like her, but you'll be sure she is dead."

Lena was going over the notes, carefully memorising them.

"Done. Directives?"

"Here. Nothing fancy. You're joining SHIELD because you want to atone for all the shit the Red Room made you do, and in memory of Natasha — it'll perfectly mix with the legend and provide all the needed validation when they run you through psychological evaluation. I've listed a few other things here, too. It's important to make sure you screw up their lie detectors in the right way to pass."

She read it no less carefully, double-checking that everything was worded correctly. One of the downsides of the Слепой Крот (Blind Mole) is that the wrong words can bring the wrong results.

The Слепой Крот (Blind Mole) protocol had one specific perk that outweighed all its negative effects — an Operator could encode directives into the agent's subconscious, and the agent would act on these subconscious desires until they resurfaced after hearing a code phrase. The instructions needed to be simple and never complex, for example, "Get into a relationship with person X" or "Apply for a job as a secretary to Mister Y". It should never include any complex or abstract ideas as part of the directives, nor should it use negatively formed sentences. If you use something like "Don't apply for the janitor position," your subconscious will hear only "Apply for the janitor position."

Using directives helps agents get in the best position to proceed with objectives while they don't even remember they are agents — hence, Слепой Крот (Blind Mole). When they regain complete control of themselves and resurface from under the protocol, they are ready to act immediately.

"Okay, I agree with that. Now what?" she asked once she finished reading the directives.

"Now we're going to your place — you should wake up in a familiar setting, thinking you had your 'meeting' with your 'sister' in the cemetery and decided to join," I replied.

🕷

We were at a run-down, abandoned building where she had made her temporary base of operations when she arrived in LA. As we prepared for the final phase of the Слепой Крот (Blind Mole) protocol - I had already mixed the solution that would switch her into coding mode - I asked:

"Ты готова?" (Are you ready?)

"Мы снова встретимся." (We will meet again.) She hugged me fiercely but briefly. As she lay back on the old couch, she said, "Давай." (Do it.)

"See you soon, сестренка¹," I said and gave her a shot.

"Двенадцать, Осень…"

🕷

I felt like shit on the way back home, but really, what else could I do? SHIELD already had their eyes on her, and I knew she really had only one option: to join. The other option was to hide her from them for the rest of her life. But they would dig deeper this time, and I know that. She wouldn't be able to sit somewhere under a fake name for too long — she would expose herself sooner or later.

This way, she will be protected and relatively safe. And I will keep an eye on her this time, making sure she has a backup when she needs it.

And help you infiltrate SHIELD, my traitorous inner voice said. I hated that I could even use her like that, but it needed to be done — we needed our insider into SHIELD and, by proxy, HYDRA. And she was willing.

N: We should have a mole in S in a month.

S: Should I ask?

N: No, but we need to prepare an extraction in a worst-case scenario and keep an eye on her.

I closed my phone and looked at the door to my new home. I didn't feel like going in, so I turned around and ran — ran from my pain, from my guilt, and from feeling dirty.

Maybe I'll feel better when the sun rises, but for now, I need to get away.

🕷

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1 Сестренка - little sister.

2 Твою мать - is short from "Еб твою мать". While the literal meaning is vile, It is usually used to emphasise how surprised you are.

3 Лен, Лена - is a short form of the name Елена (Yelena).

4 Хорошо - in this case, it's more like "OK", but it means "good".