Bad bad child

The days after the messy divorce was surprisingly mundane. Lauren married Kevin as quickly as she divorced Shawn and the three played the role of a happy, harmonious family. Kevin mostly ignored Allen when they were alone but when Lauren was there Kevin played the role of a loving stepfather. Allen secretly loved it. It felt like he was in a happy family like the ones in books. He couldn't be any happier, except if only he could go back to Hillmore College. The tuition had been too expensive for Lauren and Kevin believed that kids should play with kids the same age so they decided for Allen to attend school in two years. He wasn't too happy with the decision at first but when Kevin lent him his library card that shut him up.

One day, in the winter of 1998, when all the sparkly lights were lit up in the streets and snow started blanketing the streets, Lauren decided with the goodness of her heart to take Allen to a bookstore. She'd never been keen on holidays but for some reason, she thought it would be a good idea to celebrate Christmas with her family. After a big internal struggle between The Hungry Caterpillar and 99 Ways to Invent Electricity, he chose the latter. He saw the proud look on his mother when he picked up the book and knew it was a good idea. They exited the shop and he couldn't help but stare at the numerous stuffed toys lining the window sill of the toy store. Lauren followed his gaze and led him into the store. She picked the cheapest toy, a stuffed rabbit in an interesting colour and shoved it into his arms. He looked at her in wonder. Lauren gazed away shyly and turned to leave. Allen quickly caught up to her and in a moment of courage, he reached his fingers into her palms. She held it.

Allen cannot get any happier. He got two presents from his mother and one of them is a stuffed toy! She also let him hold her hands and spoke to him softly. He looked up at the faint stars in the sky and wished with all his might, 'Please let me be happy like this, now and forever'. The back of his head hummed. After a fun outing, the mother-son pair returned home. The humming grew louder and cold sweat started escaping his skin. An ominous pit piled into his stomach churning around making him fill nauseous. They shouldn't open the door he thinks. They should walk away and never come back. So he told his mother. She laughed at him. She let go of his hands to open the door, time felt like it was slowing down, and slowly and slowly the door creaked open. A pitch-black room greeted them.

"The strange", his mother said from beside him, "Kevin is usually home".

She flicked the light open and they were met with a huge mess. Lauren shuddered.

"Kevin, KEVIN", she shouted, "babe where are you".

She rummaged through the wreck and colour drained from her face.

"Gone...GONE!!", she screeched. "My money, my jewellery". She swung her body to the phone and dialled. After moments of ringing, dialling, ringing and dialling the call picked up.

"Hello", Kevin's voice rang out.

"Kevin? KEVIN WE'VE BEEN ROBBED WHERE ARE YOU".

"Oh shut up you hag, be grateful I didn't steal your kid as well".

"What? Kevin, honey what are you talking about?"

"Listen here Laurey~, let me spell it out for you since your small brain can't handle this. I hate people like you. Pitiful cowards that run to every guy and cling to them like a leech. I took all your money and belongings. You can keep the apartment though just make sure to pay for all the late rent", he cackled. "Anyways don't bother finding me okay? Kevin isn't my real name toodles". Then he hung up.

Lauren sat there next to her phone, eyes blank.

"Mo- mother?", Allen asked.

The sound that came from the woman wasn't human. It was between a sob and a scream. She stood up and tore through everything in sight. She kicked at the stack of books Shawn got him last year. She toppled the Christmas tree Kevin helped him put up. She shattered all the plates in the kitchen. Then she turned to him. Fingers stained in red. She gripped his arms tightly, he winced at the strength.

"YOU KNEW", she hissed, "YOU TOLD ME NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR, YOU KNEW WHAT KEVIN DID. TRAITOR."

"I didn't", he insisted. "I swear I didn't." tears started spilling out.

"YOU TRAITOR I HATE YOU I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN."

"msorry I didn't, I'm sorry..."

She let him go and he collapsed in the middle of the living room in a heap murmuring apologies. She turned around to wreck things more. After what felt like an eternity she returned.

"Allen", she whispered. He looked up. She looked crazy. "My baby", she caressed his tear-stained cheeks. "You wouldn't leave me ever will you".

He nodded and she cooed bringing him into a tight suffocating hug.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It wasn't the same after that day. A few days after Kevin's betrayal Lauren spiralled. Then one day she stood up and left the house. A month passed and Allen barely survived with expired ingredients, canned food and tissues which tasted surprisingly sweet. After finishing off the final piece of moldy bread Allen lay on the messy floor. As he was dreading what to eat, his mother opened the door.

"Mother!", he beemed, pulling himself up to greet her.

Without a word she shuffled through the junk grabbed a few things and yanked him out of the door. She reeked out of perfume but he didn't mind. His mother had come back for him. They made their way to a shabby apartment. The paint was peeling off the walls and brown stains decorated the yellowing walls. The room was empty, Lauren tossed the junk she found on the floor and told him to clean up. When he looked presentable they left the house and reached a richer district. Lauren met up with a man who looked at him questioningly. She told him Allen was his child and the man demanded a DNA test. The results went back negative and so Lauren tried it with a different man.

This pattern went on for a whole year. He was imprisoned in the rundown apartment, Lauren only let him out to meet his potential fathers only to be rejected, again and again. Lauren didn't come home some nights. Others she would bring a different man with her. On days when Lauren was free she'd have Allen run around the house fetching beer and cleaning her mess for her. When she got really drunk she would hit Allen, blaming him for her misfortunes. Other times she would cradle him like a baby and whisper soft affirmations to him. Allen wanted that version of his mother forever but those moments were rare. Allen should be used to it by now, but he hated every moment of it. The little voice is his head agreed. It told him that he doesn't deserve this but maybe he did? He was a bad child for not loving the mean version of his mother. He was a bad child for telling Shawn his mother had picked him up late that day. He had wrecked their marriage. He had wrecked Lauren's life by coming into life.