The Robbery

Walking out of the D.M.V with a new ID and the exaggerated swagger of a young teen. I can't help but consider the most important question.

'Cero, get me money.'

*Well yes Sir, funding is a necessary part of our continued existence here, but Sir, where should I acquire said funds?*

'Robbery obviously, we will need to start with dirty money, of course, stealing money from hardworking people doesn't sit too well with me.'

*What about the people you robbed earlier today Sir?*

'Those were considered a donation Cero, try to find me some real scummy people off the police database and make sure they're small-time enough to not draw so much attention

*Beginning Search Sir… it seems that there are a few suspected small-time drug dealers around this area, a man named Dilbert Frieddog is the main suspect.*

'Dilbert!? Who calls their kid Dilbert?! That has to be Child abuse. Well do me a favor and tell me his address, also I need a mask and gloves preferably, wouldn't want the Popo sniffing around me.'

*Understood Sir, there is another thrift store near here you might be able to pick up something there*

Walking into the thrift store, it occurs to me that I should try and buy things that won't draw too much suspicion, buying gloves and a mask is pretty suspicious after all. Walking past a few aisles I grab a pair of worn-looking work gloves before spotting the most perfect, unsuspicious, and absolutely sexy mask I could ever ask for.

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Bam! The door slams open, a figure bolting right through the dust kicked up,

"Ey, who are you!?" a man with a crooked nose and scraggly balding hair wearing a brown leather Jacket cries out.

"I am Justice!" The figure quickly closes the distance before hitting the man with a kick to his leg making it wobble in the wrong way, the balding man falls to the floor with a pained shout.

"Ahhh, I have rights you know!? This violence is illegal!"

"No shit, Dilbert. Where is the money?!" the figure asks, leg pressed against the man's chest.

"I.. I.. what are you wearing?!"

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"Don't judge me! I have feelings you know!?" I say as I push down harder on Dilbert's chest, "All they had was this Balaclava I didn't choose the Neon Pink!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry! It's just weird being attacked and stomped on by someone dressed like they're going to do a bad music video!"

"TELL ME WHERE THE MONEY IS DILBERT, AND STOP COMMENTING ON MY MASK!" pushing down harder on his chest Dilbert finally gives, "It's behind the fridge! Just move it aside!"

"Thank you, Dilbert, a few more moments and I would have crushed your sternum." Stepping off the Ill-named man, I walk towards the fridge, with Cero putting in the constant Physiological changes, I should be more than strong enough to move it.

Screech!

The sound of metal being dragged along the floor accompanies my moving the fridge, which only takes one hand, 'Cero…I thought you said this guy was small-time?'

*The Police at the very least do Sir.*

Staring at the rather spacious hole in the wall leading to a stone room filled with bags and bags of Money, a few racks of guns, and what looks like half a dozen different types of drugs, I can't help but disagree with that assessment.

'There is no way that this dude deals just drugs or that he is small time, this is most definitely a bigger fish.'

*I would say so as well Sir, I think it's best that we move quickly.*

"Right well, no rest for the wicked." Grabbing the two most enormous duffel bags I can find, which happen to be full of drugs, I dump them out before starting to empty some smaller bags into the larger ones, with any luck this will be more than enough to get a place to live for now. Grabbing a brown belt with a few mag pouches and a brown underarm holster, I walk over to the gun racks, 'Ooooh this guy is a collector, look at this, these are Custom 1911s, look at this one it's got looks like scenes from Dante's Inferno, and these two seem to be Damascus, we need to figure out who I'm robbing.'

*Agreed Sir, this is all far too much for a small-time drug dealer.*

Taking the three pistols, sliding the two Damascus pistols into the underarm holsters, the engraved one into the belt in the small of my back, and some extra clips of the 45 ACP that they are chambered in, I grab a duffel bag in each hand and make for the door.

"Cero look up housing prices in around new York, this seems to be about 2.6 Million I'll need something simple and low key, and try to put us in a decent neighborhood, none of that gentrification shit. I want some old Asian lady cooking pho at 4 am as a neighbor or some 26-year-old wanna-be rocker who sucks at playing guitar.

*Understood Sir, I assume a cash payment option is a must?*

'It's like you read my mind Cero.'

*…I'll begin searching Sir*

'Ey, that was funny!'

*If you say so Sir.*

"Hey BertBert, I'm borrowing some money, by the way, what do you do again?" stepping back out of the kitchen, DilDil is gone.

"BILBERT YOU LITTLE SHIT WHERE DID YOU GO! HOW COULD YOU RUN FROM ME!" quickly making for the busted door I see Filbert quickly shambling away on what looks like a hockey stick, "QUILLBERT YOU FUNKY FRESH CRIPPLE COME BACK HERE!"

"Stay away from me!!" shambling faster on his stick. "You're a Crazy man! He'll have your head for this!" he says still shambling away.

"Swillbert! Come on man, I thought we had a thing going, I break your leg, crush your ribcage a bit, you tell me what I want to know, and I spare your life!" Catching up to him rather quickly, which is kind of a given since he is shambling on one leg.

"Come on Bert Bert, just tell me what you do and who you work for and I'll be out of your hair. There is no way you have this much money and weaponry being a small-time Drug Pusher, you have to be a decently Big Fish to warrant this kind stash."

Kicking the hockey stick out from under him and dropping the duffel bags, I kick him over onto his back, putting my foot on his neck.

"Okay Dipshit, nice guy banter is over, tell me what I want to know or I'm going to make puree out of your head."

"Ah!! Alright Alright, I'm just storage man! I just keep things out of sight for the Boss until He wants it someplace else!"

"Incredible Sherlock that was totally useful info."

"Aghh! I'm telling you, I'm telling you! I work for the Kingpin!"

"....Shit."