So Why...?

The somewhat boring classroom became lively as soon as the bell rang, indicating that fourth period was finally over. Everyone went ahead and took out their lunch, some talked to their friends, while some just stayed at their seat with their gadgets. I wasn't in any one of them, as I was just doing nothing.

That was the plan. But a girl, fighting with the other students tidal wave of going outside the classroom just to get inside, called out to me. She eventually got out of the tide, and placed her hand on my head, petting me.

"Yo! You seem a little bummed out, Taku-chan."

The girl petting my head, Yumi Satou, is my best and childhood friend in the whole world. She had a short brown hair with her eyes bright orange as if it was the fruit itself. Her height was 164cm. She's almost the same height as me, just being 176cm. We're both second-years.

We both knew each other pretty well ever since childhood. We both met even during infancy due to our parents being close friends with each other, and it just happened that we became friends easily. Not only that, we were neighbors, meaning we could just go to each other's houses as if we were actually a family.

She's somewhat clumsy, and somewhat reliable. Calling it "somewhat reliable" is kind of an understatement. If you were to tell her a secret and ask her to not tell it to anyone, she will do that even after she's in her grave. That's also a reflection of how much I trust her, and how much she trusts me.

"You know I'm always bummed out. School is an absolute pain in the ass, and you of all people should know that."

"Ahaha, guess that's true."

Believe it or not, she's part of the top, or bottom, 100 of the students in our year that has a low grade. She can sometimes pass her tests, and most of the time get sent to remedial classes. Her ratio of tests in her entire school life is six to twelve, passed tests and failed tests respectively.

It would've been fine and all, but there was just one problem about her. She always asks me to come with her when she has to take remedial classes, but thankfully, she always passes her exams after taking those annoying classes.

"You brought your lunch with you?" she asked.

"Nah, Tomo-nee couldn't pack me some this morning."

Tomo-nee, or better known as Tomoko Hisakawa, is my older sister who's currently in a university for a year now. She's really smart and really reliable, and loves to spoil me despite my age.

Her and Dad are the ones that always makes lunch boxes for the family every morning when she was still in her high school days. More specifically, she packs my lunch and hers while Dad packs Mom's lunch and his. Mon and Dad both do office work, and Dad prefers to make the lunch himself for Mom. Mom would occasionally make hers and Dad's every now and then.

For a year now though, Tomo-nee hadn't been able to give me lunch ever since she entered college. She sometimes does every other day, but most of times, I don't get anything from her. Dad can also make me some lunch, but he doesn't, and even if he does, that'd just be in very rare cases.

The reason I'm getting my lunch made for me is because I have zero knowledge about cooking nor do I have any interest in it.

"Still relying on your big sis, eh?" she commented. "Well, that's fine and all, but what if you actually start learning how to cook?"

"No way."

"Figured."

The last time I tried cooking, I almost set the house on fire. Twice. It was back in junior high, when I was alone and had to make dinner for myself because Mom and Dad were working late and Tomo-nee was hanging out at a friend's house.

I couldn't buy instant ramen at that time because I had no money, so I decided to try whipping something up for myself. I just made it simple, with scrambled eggs, and when I put the egg in the pan with the hot oil, it just started sizzling with the oil spreading all over. Mind this, I put the actual egg with the shell still intact.

I decided to leave the kitchen, but after several minutes, the smoke alarm started ringing. I forgot to go back to check on the egg, and it just became black, and smoke was coming out from the oil from the intense heat. I forgot to turn off the fire.

Thankfully though, I took the fire extinguisher and put the whole thing to ground. When my parents, especially Tomo-nee, heard about this, I got banned from even going near our stove.

"Wanna go grab some lunch, then?"

"We can, but I only brought 100 yen with me. That's enough for a single can of juice in the vending machine."

"Just as usual, you're always saving up money for nothing. Don't worry, it's on me. Just pick something cheap or whatever."

"I'd actually appreciate that."

We both went out, this time Yumi going with the flow of the students. It felt a little annoying having to go out of my comfort zone in school, but seeing I was with Yumi, I realized that it wasn't all that bad.

We walked through the corridors on the school with a lot of students in the way. Some we're having fun talking with each other, some eating with some of their friends, some not eating at all, and some we're just going to their respective club to attend, eat, or hang around.

Although the crowd was already enough background noise, that's just what they are: background noise. It didn't feel uncomfortable nor did it feel suffocating, but it felt weird. I can't explain it properly.

As if reading my mind, Yumi started talking which made the background noise thin down due to the volume of her voice and how close she was to me.

"I'm kind of worried about you, Taku-chan," she started. "You always seem to skip lunch when you don't have a lunch box, and if I don't come to your class, you won't go out of your way to the canteen to buy yourself a meal. But even then, you barely bring any money with you, which makes it kind of worrying, especially from your best friend forever. Are you even eating your breakfast every morning?"

"Of course I do. I'm not crazy enough to skip my breakfast."

I had a sunny side up egg with a bowlful of rice, which was prepared by Tomo-nee. I said before that she couldn't make me lunch, but thankfully, she still had time for making breakfast for the both of us.

While we were walking though, we saw a familiar face appear and a somewhat familiar figure in one of the classrooms we were walking pass through. The door was opened, so we could see the entirety of Class 2-A.

She had short natural red hair with striking features in her body. She had a great figure that could match that of an idol, her skin is as white as porcelain, and most importantly, she was absolutely charming. She also had the same height as Yumi.

She's one of the beautiful girls in this school, Mari Shinkawa.

"Oh, it looks like Mari-chan got a new boyfriend."

"…"

Both of us couldn't tell, but it looked like she was talking to a guy that was much taller than the both of us, standing at 182cm. He appeared to have multiple piercing on his left ear, but his long blond hair that obviously looked colored was blocking it.

We both couldn't tell if that guy was her boyfriend or not.

"Oh, right, sorry," said Yumi. "You're still trying to forget about that, aren't you?"

"…Yeah, I guess. It's nothing to apologize for, though," I said petting her head. Of course, she doesn't mind it. This much is pretty normal for the both of us.

To put it in simpler terms on what Yumi was talking about, all three of us—Yumi, Mari, and I—had a past together. It's also one of the reasons why both Yumi and I call her by her first name.

It was way back in junior high of my first year, back when I first confessed to her. She accepted it, and we started dating. Since it was the first-year of our junior high, we dated for at least three years before breaking up.

It wasn't all that bad though. We both spent three years together, and I will admit that none of those times were bad. Every moment we both spent with each other was always something to hold in my memory.

We continued walking, having a guilty conscience as I did, and we both eventually reached the canteen of the school.

Like the classroom or even the hallway, it was packed full of students. Some we're already holding trays of food and heading to the tables, while some we're wrestling to buy food.

"This is gonna be a pain…," I groaned.

"What do you mean? The food's right there! Just tell me what you want."

"I guess just give me some melon bread or whatever."

"That's not nutritious at all!"

"It's cheap, though."

"Fine. Wait here, okay?"

She started going in through the swarm of students, fighting with them as well. She sunk in farther and farther until she was gone. It felt really bizarre, as if it represented magic from another world. Unless you can call being sucked up magic. The only thing it can resemble in the real world is a vacuum cleaner of a black hole.

The swarm of students wasn't thinning down, either. There were a few people who had paper bags and trays and plastic bag with their food inside, but their quantity is only in the bare minimum. And by minimum, I mean like one person gets out every minute.

Eventually, I could see my friend's short hair coming out of the swarm, and then her whole body, and forced her way out with the food in hand. Her uniform looked messy now, and the same goes for her hair. It was just an easy fix, though.

"Uwah, summer really is hitting my body! It's way too hot because of the people's body temperature mixed in there!"

That was true. It's pretty hot today considering spring just ended. Although she complained like that, she let out a more refreshed face than anyone here, even more so than me.

"Two melon bread?" I asked.

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to keep you left out, so I bought another one for me to eat."

"And after your complaint of it not being nutritious enough."

She was holding two melon bread in her both her hands, and an orange juice box in her mouth. I'm actually surprised she's managing to speak normally with that thing stuck in her teeth.

I grabbed the melon bread, which she used her other hand to grab the juice box from her mouth, and then we started looking for a table.

The whole canteen looked really packed that you couldn't see much vacant tables. It took a while, but we eventually found one on the far right side, just beside the window. We both took our seats right next to each other.

We both opened our melon bread at the same time, and took a bite of it at the same time. We went to chewing mode, and then swallowed. Yumi started munching on hers again, while it took a while for me.

She finished eating her bread, and I was only halfway with mine.

"How's everything been?" Yumi suddenly asked.

"Hm?"

"About Mari-chan, I mean. You both broke up half a year ago, didn't you?"

It was probably about that one problem we both had back then. I couldn't remember it much. No, I can't even remember the reason why we broke up. All I know is that she's grown tired of me since then.

That stung a sharp pain in my heart. I couldn't remember the reason why we broke up, but I could remember her face well. It didn't appear disgusted nor happy. It just appeared like she was crying. A sad face. Maybe it was something I didn't want to remember.

"…It's been alright, I guess. I've been trying to move on."

"Hm, I see. Six months is some progress, I guess."

She took out the straw at the back of the juice box, unwrapped it, and then stabbed it on top. She took a sip out of it, and out came orange juice.

"I know I said I'm worried about you not eating much, but I'm also worried about your emotional state as well. You looked so pained back then that I couldn't believe that the two of you ever even dated."

"I looked real pathetic, didn't I?"

"And pitiful, too."

Somehow, hearing all that made me relieved.

After breaking up with Mari, I went to Yumi to vent away my sadness. That time was really tragic for me, and I couldn't bear holding it in myself that I went to their house. She was there for me, so this is why I trust her a lot.

"You've been well these days, though. I'm guessing you don't need me anymore?"

"I'd rather die if you weren't here with me right now."

"And that's why we don't want that."

She leaned her head on my shoulder. It felt warm and comforting, as if she was wrapping her hand around me, hugging me. It felt like absolute calmness. I was thankful for that.

She kept sipping in her juice box as she leaned on me, and I kept eating my melon bread. She emptied out her juice box, and I was still munching on my food. There was only a quarter left.

"As usual, you're really slow when you eat something," she said, standing up and crumpling the juice box, throwing it in the nearby bin. "I'll be going now. I still gotta go to the bathroom. You can go back on your own, right?"

"What am I, a lost child?"

"You did seem like it."

She giggled as she said that.

"I'll be taking a detour to buy a can in the vending machine. I can go by myself, so you don't have to worry about me."

"If you say so."

She gave me a pat on the head before she left, skipping.

The background noises, which was just a little quiet earlier, suddenly raised its volume, making my ears ring a little. After I finished my food, I stood up from my seat and finished the bread, and then went ahead to buy juice.

I headed for the shortest route to take there. The students, which were once packed, gradually thinned out as I proceeded to walk through an empty hallway.

There was a lot of vacant rooms, with everything almost being empty besides the chairs and tables stacked at the back of each room. I couldn't tell if this school was big because of these rooms, or small because of how fast you can travel through places.

This place wasn't used most of the time, so if some people wanted to skip class, they could go through this part of school and get away with it. I did it last year, and this place is almost safe from any of the teachers and faculty members around school.

"Eh?"

As I was lost in my thoughts, my whole body felt like it was being pulled by an unknown force. At first, it felt slow, like time was put in slow motion, but it suddenly felt really strong that it dragged my whole body to an empty classroom, basically becoming a fast-forward. Upon closer inspection, I was actually getting pulled by a person. The person in question, though, was not someone I expected.

"Hey, what are you—"

"Shut up! He'll hear us!" she said, covering my mouth and interrupting me.

I was surprised. Her hand was in my face, and her entire body was close to me that I could hold it again. It was supposed to feel suffocating just because of back then, but it just felt reminiscent.

The girl in front of me is Mari Shinkawa, my ex-girlfriend.

I was currently sitting on the floor while she was on top of me. After a few minutes, a person could be heard going to the room we were currently at. That was weird, since almost not a single person crosses this hallway.

"Damn it, I've got no choice!" she suddenly declared.

Without a moment's notice, without my permission, even without anything stopping her, she suddenly moved her face close to mine, almost to the point of touching, just when the door was about to open. Then the most bizarre thing happened.

We both kissed.

The door opened, and a guy appeared on the other side. When he saw our state, he hurriedly closed the door and ran away from this room.

She separated our lips, wiping it with her wrist.

"…Tastes like melon bread."

It was all sudden. My mind was suddenly emptied out, with the only thing inside being her. Her smell, her face, her taste, it all attacked my mind all at once, not giving me time to calm down, not giving me time to get myself together.

My body felt limp. I couldn't move it. My eyes were fixed on her lips, and all that occupied my mind was just full of her.

"…Sorry for doing this all of a sudden," she said.

After she said that, my mind slowly regained its former glory, but just seeing her is making it crumble again.

"…It's fine."

It felt like time had stopped. It was unexplainable. I was unsure of how to act towards her now, considering we weren't dating or even close with each other anymore. Half a month of no interaction was taking its toll. That sudden kiss didn't make it any better.

We both just stood there. Even though she could've left way more earlier than me, she decided to stay.

Mari was sitting just in front of me, her gaze casted downwards.

The bell suddenly rang, indicating that lunch was almost coming to an end.

"…I'm really sorry for doing that. Once I have more time, I'll explain it to you properly."

She stood up, and then went outside, closing the door. I was still in my previous position, showing no signs of even trying to stand up. In the end, I leaned on the wall, and after a few minutes, the final bell rang. I didn't want to stand up, nor did I want to do anything, and I just stayed there.

"…Just when I was starting to forget about you…"

***

I couldn't feel anything. The heat coming from the summer didn't feel hot, the sweat oozing out of my body didn't feel cold, I was just not feeling anything.

Time has passed by. I didn't know how much time passed already. All I could think of was just Mari and nothing more. The taste of her lips stuck in mine, and I could still smell her a little bit even though she's not here anymore.

Finally, opposing my numbness from the heat and cold, I could feel a vibration coming from my pocket. I pulled out the source, and it looked to be my phone. When I answered it, a worried voice was coming from the other side.

"Hello…?" I said, speaking in a hoarse tone.

"Taku-chan?! Why's your voice like that?! Where are you right now?!"

She sounded genuinely worried, which made me worried. I told her where I currently was, and she hung up on me, immediately trying to find me.

Apparently, classes had already ended for the day. When Yumi tried to come to my classroom to pick me up, one of my classmates said that I didn't come back, which made Yumi worried.

Although making her worried was something of a sin in my books, I was totally helpless right now. She said that she was worried about my body because she was unsure if I was eating much, and my emotional state because of back then. Her voice sounded different from those times, and it sounded rather desperate.

After a bit, I could hear footsteps coming from the door. It didn't take long before the door was opened, and Yumi saw my most pitiful state yet. Of course, she naturally ran up to me.

"Taku-chan?!" she shouted, genuinely worried. "Where were you all this time? Weren't you supposed to go back after recess?"

She started going in my direction. Although my mind was currently preoccupied by the events that happened earlier, just seeing her was making it blow away. That wasn't enough though.

"Taku-chan…? What's wrong? Why aren't you saying anything?"

I just kept looking at her, giving her not single thing to work with. I couldn't even muster up any words, nor did I even have something to come out with. I couldn't think of anything, and nothing was coming in my mind.

Just when she was about to pet my head, assuming she was going to comfort me like always, I suddenly grabbed it without warning, and pulled her to me. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to forget about what happened earlier.

Even though it was unexpected, Yumi didn't seem to mind. Of course, she was somewhat surprised, but she hid it, thinking my situation was a lot worse. Putting it like that, it somehow made it much more easier to forget about what happened.

Even though a few minutes had already passed, I still wasn't stopping myself from hugging her. She didn't budge from her position as well. We both stayed like this as if time had stopped entirely, an eternity passing by.

Eventually, my arms gradually became more and more relaxed. The tightness that I made Yumi endure was getting weaker and weaker, and now it was enough for Yumi to escape me. She didn't do that though, and instead stayed like this for much more longer. Once again, an eternity passed us.

"…Wanna go home?" Yumi asked before long.

All I could do was nod my head.

Yumi stretched her arms out in the air for a few seconds, before letting out a refreshed sound.

"Aah! Been a while since you last did that!" she said, a complete stark opposite from what I was feeling right now. That made me ease up a little.

We were currently outside with our school bags in hand. Yumi was waiting for me at the front gate while I took my bike.

The swarm of students that was in this school just a while ago became like that of a desolate desert. There was almost no students around here. There was just the frequent noises from some of the outdoor clubs.

Yumi hopped on the back of my bike on the passenger seat, but I didn't ride it. It was dangerous riding double, after all, so I just pushed the bike with her on it. I started walking through the front gate and out of school.

"Something bad happened to you?" she asked, leisurely enjoying the ride.

"…No, it was something else."

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I could call that something bad or good. Although Mari did kiss me, we weren't dating at all, and assuming that she was dating that good-looking guy, she'd probably be cheating with that guy; way worse than breaking up.

"Hmm… Something good happened to you, then?"

"…I don't know."

"If you don't know, it's probably that then."

We kept walking through the long road. Although it was already getting dark, we still couldn't ride double because it was still pretty dangerous. Our houses was just one train stop from here, but we could still manage walking because we both like it.

"So why did you suddenly do that if you were happy?"

"…I just felt lost."

After a bit of walking, just when the sun was about to set, we reached our houses. We both got home later than usual because of what I did. The cicadas could already be heard, indicating that night was just about to roll in. The breeze, although already summer, was also quite chilly this time of the day.

"See you tomorrow!" Yumi said, waving as she entered her house. I did the same and waved back.

We both entered our houses. One thing I noticed was the shoes inside the house just in front of the entrance that was neatly placed in the shoe rack. It was no different, though. There was Dad's work shoes, and also Tomo-nee. Mom was probably still at work.

The most unusual about it though was Tomo-nee's. She's usually home much more later than me, but seeing that Yumi and I got home late, she got home before me. I don't know if it's something from her college or whatever, but she's been going home later than usual. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a boyfriend making her go home late.

I went to the living room and sure enough she was there. I couldn't see Dad anywhere, but that's because he's already sleeping. He always does that every time he goes home from work.

"Ah! Takkun! Where were you so late?" she asked as soon as the door opened, not even making sure whether it was me or not.

"Things."

"Wanna watch television with me? There's a funny show going on!"

"No, I'm just going to sleep."

"Eeh, please~? If you sleep this early, you'll turn old like Dad."

"Everyone eventually turns old, though."

"Aah, but still! I want to watch television with you! It's boring!"

Despite her age, she always liked doting on me like when we were kids back then. She had long blue hair, and although she's two years older than me, I've somewhat grown more taller than her and she's now at least a little shorter than Yumi by just two centimeters.

I didn't remember how we both got along back then, up to the point where she started spoiling me. I thought that didn't matter though, since our life today was pretty good the way they are now.

"Fine, just…hold on. I'll get changed," I said, going to the kitchen.

I opened the fridge, and the cold air came out from it. I couldn't tell if it was comfortable or not.

I grabbed a can of juice that I bought last week, closed the fridge, popped off the lid, and started sipping on it. Suddenly, I could feel a weight being pressed on my entire body. It was Tomo-nee, leaning her whole body onto mine.

"Can I have some?" she asked.

"Just grab one from the fridge."

"Aww, but you worked so hard to buy those. I'll just take a sip from yours."

Saying that I worked hard for it was kind of an overstatement. Yumi mentioned earlier as well, saying that I always save up money for nothing, and all of that was true. Although I saved up money, most of it isn't exactly mine, and just came from my allowance.

I just bought a whole pack of canned juice and placed all of them in the fridge to cool. I use the allowance that I earn from junior high and from my part-time job back then, and also from my New Year's allowance. The only money I worked for was the part-time one.

I handed my can over to Tomo-nee and she drank from it. It took a little while before she finished. I only took a sip when I got it out, but now it's only half full.

"So? Got something to say to me?" she asked, getting off of me after she took a drink.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting down ever since you got home. I'm guessing something happened in school?"

"I always act down, though."

She somehow noticed how I was feeling from earlier even though I barely change my expression every now and then. It's really hard for some people to tell how I was currently feeling because I always had a sleepy face.

"If you won't tell me, I'll try guessing!" she said cheerfully. "Hm, you're not the type to be down from something like a school detention or remedial classes. Even though you're bad at studying, you always place above average. Although you sometimes skip classes, you aren't exactly the type that gets caught easily. You're bad at relationships with people, but you still know some people, so it must boil down from that!"

"…Who knows."

The way she guesses everything about me, even the unrelated ones like my studies, are way too scary for me.

"If were going to put Yumi's logic into this, then it must be that, then! So who was it?"

There's a certain pattern that formed in me long ago, and it was simple. When I answer a question with an "I don't know" or "Who knows," especially with a straight tone, there's a possibility that it's correct. And the possibility of it was definitely high.

"…I'm pretty sure you know about my relationships even without asking that."

"Oh, you're right. Then, I'll try guessing once again! Was it someone from the faculty? Or maybe Yumi-chan? Or perhaps it was…Mari-san…"

"…"

"…Ah, s-sorry for mentioning that. So? Who was it?"

I was surprised when she mentioned Mari's name. Although it was a little while, both of them knew each other before I graduated from my second-year in junior high, when we were still dating. She didn't come to my house that often.

"Sis, thanks for worrying about me. Don't worry, it's nothing too troublesome."

"Don't wanna! I'm not going to leave until you tell me what happened today!"

I can tell that she was really worried about me as her little brother. It made me happy to think that there were still some people who went out of their way to bother with someone like me.

"Sorry. It isn't exactly easy to talk about. Even I couldn't explain anything to Yumi."

"That's probably because she didn't ask, right? She always tends to not disturb you when you're having a hard time, and usually just waits for you to approach her. You know that more than anyone in the world, even more than her family."

That was true. It was the same case for back then, when Mari and I broke up. Even though she wasn't obligated to do so, she stayed with me when I came to her, unstable and broken.

"But I'm different!" Tomo-nee exclaimed. "Even if it takes minutes, hours, days, years, decades, millenniums or any other order after all I just mentioned, I'll wait for you until you find the right words. All you need to do is just take them out."

Even though it was hard for me to even speak about it, with Tomo-nee worrying about me this much, I doubt I won't be able to explain it to her. Besides Yumi, she's the only other person in this world that I can trust.

"…Then, can you wait for me in the living room? I'll get changed real quick."

She nodded once, and then started going back to watching television. She was somewhat different from any of the normal girls. Almost everyone has their phone on their hands, chatting away with their friends or boyfriends, but Tomo-nee doesn't seem to be that type of person.

I exited the living room and ascended upstairs into my room. Once I entered, a feeling of numbness washed over me. It didn't feel good at all, and it forced me to lay down in bed without even a single movement.

I didn't feel anything after that. I just laid down on top of my bed, looking at the ceiling as I did so. Various feelings kept rushing towards me: regret, anxiousness, pessimism. The lists were endless.

I wanted to wash all of these away. I wanted to forget what happened earlier, the feelings that I got that still lingered inside me, everything. I wanted to start again all over. But that was impossible.

So I decided to close my eyes for a bit. I wanted to see nothing. I didn't want to open it. Now, slowly, something was forcing me to not open it anymore. It was strong, much more stronger than anything I've ever experienced. That's when I realized something.

There's some things I like about sleeping. Not just the benefits it give your body and the energy it restores, but something more. I like sleeping because of forgetting. You can forget about the feelings, responsibilities, relationships, burdens, everything, for just a little while. And every once in a while, that force that I said I have never experienced, has happened a hundred times already.

So I accepted my fate, and just let my brain do its thing and take me to the world of slumber. At least, this was for the best.