3. Get the Message

Get the Message

The episode begins with Laney Loud reading her book in the living room. But then she was interrupted by Lincoln who was playing on his virtual reality glasses. The game was fighting zombies with breakdancing.

Lincoln: Take that, zombie! [twerks] Feel my twerk, you evil jerk! [killing zombies; does a pelvic thrust] HOO!

Laney: (thoughts) Lincoln must be playing games on his glasses again. Must be so cool to play in virtual reality. Maybe I can ask if i can have a turn.

Meanwhile, Lincoln continues to breakdance. He goes up the stairs and does more moves in the hallway where he then enters one particular room

Lori: Lincoln!

Lincoln: [takes the goggles off and sees Lori making an angry face at him] AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Lori: There's only one rule in this house: stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel! [on the phone] No, not you, Bobby. [giggles] One sec, okay? [kicks Lincoln out]

Lincoln puts his goggles back on and continues to dance the zombies away unitil enters into the bathroom.

Lincoln: Zombies don't need to see this.

He takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink. The he heard a knock at the door

Lincoln: Occupied!

The knocking then turns into a pounding

Lincoln: I can't believe some... [answers door to see Lori is there]

Lori: [on the phone] Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today.

Lincoln: [rhetorically] That you don't respect a man's privacy?

Lori: [ignoring Lincoln and kicking him out] No, silly! Not even. She was all like...

[Lincoln goes to his room and realizes something]

Lincoln: Oh no! My gaming glasses!

He rushes to the bathroom, only to be stopped by Lola and Lana who were dressed in some kind of authority attire.

Lana: No running in the hallway!

Lincoln: Huh? What are you talking about?

Lola: Lana, is this maggot giving you lip? [writes Lincoln up]

Lana: We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.

[They give Lincoln a ticket]

Lola: If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes. [reveals Luan in a cardboard jail cell]

Luan: Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! [laughs to rimshot] Get it?

Lola: That's five more minutes, dirt bag!

Lincoln: Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear.

Lana: NO SWEARING!

As they leave for their room/office, Lincoln goes to the bathroom to find that his goggles are now totaled

Lincoln: Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOOO!

Since Lori kicked him out when he left him in there, he automatically blames her and sees that she left in the family van

Lincoln: LORI! YOU DIRT BAG!

Later, Lincoln was in his room telling Clyde the whole story.

Lincoln: One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next... [groans] IT'S ALL LORI'S FAULT!

Clyde: [holding the goggles] I can't believe it!

Lincoln: I know! She didn't even say sorry!

Clyde: [lovestruck] No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies...

Clyde was immedeatley snapped out of it when he heard a knock on Lincoln's door.

Lincoln: Come in.

Entering was sweet little Laney.

Lincoln: Oh, hey Laney. What are you doing here?

Laney: I couldn't help but notice early today that you were playing on your game glasses. And, I was hoping I could have a turn on there. But maybe with a game that doesn't have zombies in it?

Lincoln: I wish I could Laney, but I can't. Lori broke it! [shows Laney his broken glasses]

Laney: Oh no! Why would she do that?

Lincoln: I'll tell you why! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget...

Clyde: What are you gonna say?

[Lincoln looks in his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper and shows it to Clyde and Laney]

Clyde:[reads] Why 'blank' is the worst sister ever?

Lincoln: [evilly] I knew this would come in handy someday. I just didn't know which sister would be getting it...

Laney: Not me, right?

Lincoln: Oh no Laney. You're the only sister that isn't the worst... [evilly] But you, Lori Loud, have made my decision very easy.

He then dials Lori's number on his duck phone. While Luna is jamming and riffs to the last note of Lori's ringtone.

Lincoln: [impatient] Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail.

Voicemail: Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do.

[Beep]

Lincoln: Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are...

He then goes into a blindingly raging rant about Lori. Luna comes into his room and rocks out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain. Laney plugged her ears to block all the scathing language.

All the while Clyde could watch in despair as his dream girl gets roasted.

Lincoln: AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST SISTER EVER! [hangs up] What do you think, Clyde?

Clyde faints. Then Lori entered Lincoln's room.

Lori: Hey, bro. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So I went out and bought you a stupid new one.

Lincoln: [shocked at her generosity] You did what now?

Lori: [hands him new glasses] Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature.

Lincoln: [nervously chuckles] Yep. That's me. Mr. Mature.

Laney could only shake her head at his mistake.

Later...

Lincoln: What have I done? I called Lori a- [guitar riff] -when she's actually a- [harp string] What am I gonna do?! You're right! Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or I'd be a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!

Clyde: [comes to] Huh? [falls over]

Lincoln: Good talk.

Lincoln, Laney and Clyde are peaking out the door. Lola were tracking droppings that lead from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's. Security in Lori's room was very tight. So Lincoln had to find another way in.

Lincoln: Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back.

Clyde: But Lori's room is off limits.

Lincoln: I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her.

Clyde: That's easy. I'm always on the lookout for Lori.

Lincoln: Then let's do this!

Laney: Wait! What can I do?

The boy thought about it, then he looked outside to see the twins still patrolling the hallway.

Lana: I know poop when I see it, and that's definitely some poop.

Lincoln: Got it! You can distract Lola and Lana. Make sure they don't see me. Can you handle that?

Laney: I'll try.

Lincoln: Great! [puts on a black snow hat] Go time!

Lincoln sneaks by while the twins check the sound he made only to see he's nowhere. Then Laney came in to act as the distraction.

Lola: You got a hall pass young lady? [she sees Lincoln hiding up on the top of the doorway]

Laney: I think I see Geo making a run for it.

Points the other way and while the twins were looking, she pulls a hamster treat out of her pocket and tosses it behind her. Making Geo the Hamster go after it.

Lana: Hey, fur ball! No speeding!

[The twins give chase to Geo]

Twins: Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!

Laney then gives Lincoln an "OK" signal, the he moves his way to the vents.

Lincoln: I'm in.

Clyde: [with a schematic of the house] Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target.

[Lincoln heads down that pathway]

Lincoln: I've got eyes on the package.

He sucessfully breaks into Lori's room and finds the phone still charging. But Lori was coming and he had to act fast. That's when Clyde comes in to act as a distraction for her. He immedatley rushed to the stairway. Then draws a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tears off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it and acts so suave as Lori approaches, sweeping her off her feet.

Clyde: Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?

Lori: [throws her arms around him and swoons] I will now...handsome~... [winks to him]

Lincoln then took her phone, then imediately immediately deletes the scathing voicemail. The plan went perfectly, at least in this dramatization.

Lincoln: And that's how we're gonna do it!

Clyde: Love it! Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori. [starts applying perfume onto him]

Laney: [coughs] What kind of perfume is that?

Clyde: It's my nana's.

Lincoln: Here are the blueprints for the vents. [hands Clyde a drawing of them with some red stuff all over it]

Clyde: Are these food stains?

Lincoln: I eat ketchup-sandwiches while I floor-plan.

Laney: [whispers to Clyde] Don't ask why. [they all hear a door opening] Lori's coming!

Lincoln: Okay, let's do this.

Clyde: [hops over to the position from the dramatization] I'M IN POSITION!

[The loud feedback on the other end knocks Lincoln back]

Lincoln: Roger that. [sees Lola writing Lily up for not wearing her diaper]

Lola: No, I can't let you off with a warning!

Lily: [laughs]

Lincoln continues to sneak his way to Lori's room, but Cliff gets on his hat and starts padding it. He tries to shoo him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose and stifles a sneeze with what he thought was a tissue.

Lola: Next time, remember. This is a mandatory diaper zone!

Lincoln was disgusted at the fact he used Lily's diaper as a tissue and throws up. Getting the twin guards attention. Then Laney came in to act as a distraction, problem was she didn't knew what to do!

Lana: And where do you think your goin'?

Laney: Uhhh... Umm...[sees Lincoln slipping on top of the doorway] Uhhhh... [then sees Lily crawling away without wearing a diaper]

Lana: SHE'S MAKING A CRAWL FOR IT! [chases after her]

Lola: You just got lucky! [runs off with Lana]

Lincoln then makes his into the vents proceeding with the plan. But ran into one unexpected detail.

?: Hey Lincoln.

He jumped in terror, only to find out that Lucy was right next to him.

Lincoln: Lucy! What are you doing in here?

Lucy: I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called "Ventilate".

[starts to read]

Inside the wall

I choose to be alone

If I ever get stuck

Please listen for my moan.

Lincoln: [nervous] Riiiiight. [chuckles] Clyde, get me to Lori's room, now. [creeps away from Lucy]

Clyde: Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click? [Laney smacks her forehead]

Lincoln: [crawling around] Never mind. I think I'm there. [falls through the vent hatch and slips; Lucy catches him before he hits the bathroom floor]

Lucy: Hey, Lincoln.

Lincoln: Phew. Thanks, Luce.

[Lincoln's radio fell into the toilet]

Clyde: Lincoln! Everything okay?

Lincoln: [swings and plunges the radio out] Yeah, Clyde. [groans at the soggy texture his radio has been contaminated with] Everything's perfect.

Laney: Are you sure you don't want any of my assistance?

Lincoln: No need Lanes. I'll take it from here.

Later, Lincoln continue to excavate the vents until he reached Lori's room.

Clyde: Package? What about Lori's phone?

Lincoln facepalms and enters Lori's room via a red rope; however, it seems to be coming undone.

Lincoln: Clyde, what kind of rope is this?

Clyde: Cherry licorice rope.

Laney: Why would you use licorice?

Clyde: It was the only rope I could find.

The rope then breaks and Lincoln falls attracting Lori's attenton and then came up the stairs.

Clyde: [frantic] Lincoln! Lori's coming! [suave] Don't worry, I'll stall her.

He draws a fake mustache and takes off his shirt then approaches Lori, only to be stunned by the sight of her. Then gets a nasty nosebleed.

Lori: Ugh! Gross! [runs to her room]

Lincoln is just about to delete the message when he hears Lori just about to come in. She enters and looks around with an displeased look on her face. Lincoln hides under her bed hoping she would never find her. Lori kicked off her shoes under her bed and hits Lincoln, he tries not to make a sound. Lori then suspiciously checks under her bed.

Lori: So, this is where all my shoes are. [sees all her shoes under her bed]

Lincoln had escaped her line of sight and tries reaching for the phone, but Walt the Canary perches right onto it and bites Lincoln's finger, making him hold in his yelp of pain. Lori's phone finishes charging.

Lori: Finally. [takes phone] Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved! [leaves]

Lincoln: [panicking] Mission is compromised! The package is on the move? Clyde?

Laney was with Clyde, cleaning up the blood and covering his nose with tissues.

Lincoln: Clyde! Do you read me?!

Laney: Um. Clyde is unable to speak with you right now.

Meanwhile, Lori was listening to all the messages lef for her. Most of them was from her boyfriend Bobby.

Message 1: Hey, babe. It's Bobby. Do you think we'll always be together?

Lori: Aww! Totes saving that one! [saves it]

[Clyde faints again]

Laney: Oh dear...

Message 2: Hey, babe. It's Bobby again. Should our couple name be Bori or Lobby?

Lori: [saves it] Saved.

Laney: Bori or Lobby? Those don't even make sense!

Lincoln hurries to stop Lori from getting to his message, only to be stopped by the twins.

Lola: We warned you, dirt bag!

Lana: It's the clink for Linc!

Lincoln: Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!

[The twins turn around and Lincoln makes a break for it downstairs]

Lana: Hey!

Lola: Oh, forget that bum. He's out of our jurisdiction now.

Lana: Yeah. Let's get doughnuts.

As they head out for a doughnut break, Lincoln gets downstairs and finds out that he's too late and Lori is already listening to his hateful message.

Message: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."

Lincoln: Lori! [slow motion diving at her] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [thuds at normal speed] Ugh!

Message: There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are...

Lincoln looks on in horror, but luckly Lori deletes it before the rant can begin.

Lori: Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are two rules in this house: stay out of my room, and never call my phone! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!

Lincoln: [sarcastically relieved] Gee, Lori, I'm sorry.

Lori: But, I'm gonna let it slide this time 'cause you were so mature when I broke your stupid toy.

Lincoln: [sheepishly chuckles] Yeah, right. That's me. Mr. Mature.

[Lori gets a call and answers it]

Lori: Bobby. Only 12 messages today? I thought you cared about me.

[Laney comes downstairs to Lincoln]

Laney: Oh thank goodess. I thought you were a goner down there.

Lincoln: [sighs with relief] Yeah, I'm alright. Next time I have a problem with one of my sisters, I'll just talk to them instead of leaving a message or writing a nasty letter. [realizing] Speaking of which, where is that letter? [looks around for it but can't find it]

Lori: [plucking nose hairs while talking to Bobby] If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little- [sees something on the floor] What's this? Why Lori is the worst sister ever? Bobby, I gotta go. I'M ABOUT TO TURN LINCOLN INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL! [reveals the letter to Lincoln and Laney and is enraged] LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!

Lincoln: Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man! [puts on his new game goggles and starts dancing away from Lori's wrath]

Lori: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-

Luna rocks out to censor Lori's rant of revenge, just like she did for Lincoln. The furious teen then saw Laney. She nervously grins and walks away into her room.

The End

Tune in next time for Chapter 3: "Heavy Meddle"