Inmates Ballad: Severe Extremity

Was this why my father was so against being a god-eater.

Was becoming a god-eater no more than being offered to aragami as shark bait.

Honestly, before I was taken I never thought that far ahead. I just wanted to honor my father, I wasn't looking for proof.

But now...every time I look at this arm, I think about the bastard who took everything away from me. About Aloni, about the other kids who were in the same boat as her being trained to die in under a week against enemies adults should've fought. Not to mention all the other kids who were kidnapped like me.

I"m sure there were more.

The price of FENRIR's protection.

As I conveyed these thoughts, the therapist looked at me with a glimmering plea.

For what purpose was he here?

Recently I've been trying to hack off my hand to get rid of the armlet. I was tired of trying to find other ways. I just wanted out, I wanted nothing to do with god-eaters or FENRIR.

As I tugged on the metal restraint keeping my wrist out of reach all I could do was stare at that red nuisance and plan on how to remove it.

"Would you like to talk about anything specific today?" the therapist asked.

I didn't answer of course. I just kept glaring at my armlet hand and tugged on the chain.

"I know being a god-eater is a terrible burden put on someone your age. I don't support FENRIR's decisions on these matters myself. I hope that assures you that I'm not the enemy." the therapist said.

Can you believe that? All these years I've been trying to tell the whole branch I wasn't some god-eater draft, and only after I nearly sever my wrist do they want to talk.

I wasn't telling this shrink anything, I was already done trying to talk with these people.

"Perhaps you would like to talk about Aloni?" he asked.

I poured out my heart to her to convince Aloni to join me. She was the closest thing I had to a friend and she was gone. The last thing she told me was she would be thinking of me while she fought.

But I wasn't going to tell him that.

I ignored the therapist and just kept glimpsing at my metal-bound wrist.

Seeing that I would only be silent the therapist tried again.

And again

And again.

In between this "session", he brought in food.

He tried to convince me to let him feed me because I was more or less on suicide watch.

They didn't even trust me with plastic spoons. What was a plastic soon going to do to a god-eater!?

The therapist actually agrees with this and said he'd talk with the staff about it.

I still never said anything.

Day after day it was mostly like that.

It had been a while since I could actually try anything.

Almost 2 years

I never stopped looking for chances to cut off my armlet and run.

Something the doctor probably picked up on, almost a month later and he still didn't say anything about undoing this chain.

Bastard just kept coming back, trying to get me to talk about my day or his, or the branch. Or Aloni.

He wouldn't take the hint I was done talking.

Well almost.

He says to me in our, god knows, 100th session, that he really wants to help me move on.

Aloni's death hit me hard, but I saw it coming from day 1.

I wasn't phased by the mention of her name.

It was what he said next.

"I'll get straight to the point then. So please answer me at least once. The science around these armlets is way over my head, but I think I've gained a sort of understanding. I heard talk about how if you mess with that armlet, it's policy to "retire" the god-eater. I'm sure you've heard stories of what happens if that thing even gets nicked. They have a dozen of those things, but repairing them doesn't seem to be in FENRIR's best interest. The way everyone's been talking I think they want to "retire" you." the therapist explained.

This wasn't the part where I finally talked to him. But it was VERY hard to try and ignore that.

"Please, I can't help you unless you help me understand what got you here. What's so worth risking turning Aragami that you'd sever your own wrist, when not even they know what could happen? I promise you I'm here to help." The therapist pleaded.

I finally looked him in the eye with as much contempt as I could.

He wasn't dressed in a FENRIR uniform, just some white collared shirt and a pair of blue pants. A pair of glasses with circular lenses and that damn clipboard he always brought.

"You want to help?" I asked.

The therapist gasped in surprise. I meant it when I said I never talked to him before.

He nodded slowly and was ready to jump out of his seat.

"Then cut this off me!" I said bitterly, tugging on the restraint keeping me out of reach of my armlet.

I looked away from him like usual after that.

Messing with the armlet was a death sentence.

I already knew that.

I never bothered trying to break the armlet. Aloni and the other god-eaters showed that was in vain.

That's why I decided to just give up my hand. It was worth it as long as I could get rid of this armlet!

The next day I thought the therapist was coming in like usual, but it wasn't him.

It was one of the FENRIR guards I've probably punched in the past, they all look the same to me now.

"We need to talk kid." the god-eater said sternly.

Just hearing his voice was making me irritated.

"After the loss of those rookie squads morale took a big hit and you aren't helping." They said.

I didn't react.

"To live in this new world we've all had to make compromises. For what FENRIR gives we go out and face the monsters that threaten us all. That's us. Someday you're going to have to pick up a weapon and join the cause in full. Once you're strapped, there's no going back." The god-eater reached for the armlet and held it up over my head.

When would these idiots learn?

I WAS DONE TALKING.

I grabbed his wrist in turn and pulled him around to me to elbow their nose.

It seemed to knock him out, but that didn't keep me from hitting him again in the jaw.

Once he fell down another god-eater came in and tried to help him.

When the god-water got back up, he turned to me and with a snarl tried to charge at me.

"Hey, calm down your bleeding!!" the other god-water yelled and held back his partner.

As the angry god-eater struggled, his blood left a trail out the door.

Once it was shut, I heard what I could only guess were curses I didn't recognize.

It wasn't long before the therapist came in.

He was taken aback by the dry blood at his feet.

"I understand you had an altercation earlier. The young lieutenant wanted to have you sent out in the field for active duty." they said sarcastically.

As usual, I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying.

"I know you've had a history of violence against the majority of the staff, but just so you know, he had no right to grab you." The therapist assured.

I said nothing as glared at my armlet.

"Why do you think you were taken to the branch against your will?" The therapist asked.

If this was 4 years ago I would tell him about the god-eater who knocked me out and threw me in with the rest of the drafts.

If this was 3 years ago, I'd punch him first then maybe tell him. But now, never!

Aloni died two years ago. My only goal was to rid myself of this armlet and get away from this branch.

"I know FENRIRs policies are barely tolerable, but they do give people a choice. A very hard choice. They don't go around kidnapping people for their own ends." The therapist said.

I wonder if my arm wasn't locked, and I was listening would I have beaten him to death?

"But I also believe you wouldn't fight as hard as you do for no reason. Please I need you to talk again, I know having that armlet on forever isn't what you want, but to get what you want I think you should know the situation outside." The therapist said.

I couldn't help but hang on to the word 'outside'. Before they isolated me in this room for trying to cut off my hand, I could've gotten out and left the branch anytime. The only things holding me back from making my final getaway were Aloni and the tracker in the armlet.

Without those two factors, my escape would've been well in hand.

On my first attempts, I could endure the pain, but due to my oracle-enhanced body, I couldn't get it done with a regular knife or sharp object. Still scarred the flesh though and I did bleed.

A uniform caught me in the act and the next thing I know I'm under suicide watch.

They were more afraid of me than ever.

"Can I show you something?" the therapist asked.

How long has it been since anyone asked my permission for anything?

"If you let me, that restraint comes off. You have my word. I just want to get you out of this room for a bit." The therapist pleaded.

No way he was about to let me out after what I did to that guy.

I wanted to go on more than his sincere tone, but I thought if nothing else I could find something that could separate me from this armlet.

"I'm going to remove the chain now, ok?" the therapist said shakily. He was serious but was still cautious.

He pulled out a key and the locks came undone. Before the therapist could do or say anything more I pulled him to me and glared right in his face.

I was ready to knock him out, but I never made a move.

I wasn't bothered by the rising fear on his face.

For a moment we just stood there.

Thinking about it compared to the rest of FENRIR, he hasn't solely mistreated me, quite the opposite. I still didn't trust him, it's just after all this time I had no desire to harm someone who hadn't wronged me.

To the therapist's relief, I let him go and got off the bed.

He leaned against the wall to catch his breath.

"Walk." I said.

"R-R-Right!!! I'll lead the way!" they stammered. Once I let the therapist out the door, I peaked to see a row of guards looking none too pleased.

I could feel their hostility with every step.

Damn them all.

I so much as wring my arm it put them on edge.

I enjoyed that.

When we entered a new corridor, I saw pods lined up across the walls.

"Welcome to god-arc storage." the shrink said, leading me forward.

He stopped at a pod and waved me towards it. With a few button presses on a panel, the pod opened and it unveiled a black buster-blade, bigger than the doctor himself.

"This one is yours." they said.

I was in awe.

Before Aloni died she told me about god-arcs. They could only work for god-eaters who the god-arc chose. How they could transform, things like that.

But that wasn't important to me. The fact was, god-arcs could cut oracle-enforced-anything!

The therapist started talking, but I had already phased him out. This was the chance I had been waiting for!

I was going to be rid of this armlet! I would never get this chance again!

"Hey! Not so fast!" one of the guards warned as I approached the god-arc.

I made a grab for the buster-blade and lifted it out of its holster.

Even with my enhanced strength lifting it was troublesome. I could only hold it up for two seconds before the blade fell to the ground.

I grabbed the handle tight and tried to move it.

A tendril stretched out from the core and into my armlets socket.

In response, the god-arc began to morph and some kind of head made of tendrils was replacing the blade.

At first, I was startled, but I noticed the weight was shifting and I could suddenly hold it up.

The predator form of the god-arc began to extend and coil around me.

I looked at it dead in the eye.

It snarled and sniffed, growling.

This was it, all I had to do was command it to bite.

I held out my armlet and had the predator face it, then I closed my eyes.

Finally...

"Bite down..." I said.

....

.....

...

I stood there waiting for the god-arc to obey my command, for the pain, for the release.

But all I could feel; Was a presence wrapping itself around me.

"Bite down...." I commanded.

I could swear I could hear a whimper as the presence gently curled.

I could still feel my armlet.

"Bite down!!!" I cried.

I fell to my knees, crying over and over again.

No matter how I begged, no matter how I tried to force you to obey me, you just wouldn't bite down.