Emotional Damage!

A/N: More of an emotional chapter, needed to do this, as I didn't want to prolong a moody MC. Some history will be discussed too. Enjoy.

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I had grown slightly paranoid since the events at Gringott's. Unfortunately, I was thrust into this world without my own consent, and it seemed there was a deep conspiracy hidden around me and my lineage.

Since the day I arrived in this world and my memories merged, two lifetimes of experiences had become a jumbled mess. I was lost in my identity, not knowing if I was the Theo of my previous life or the Theo of this one.

Emotions would bubble up from seemingly nowhere, and I couldn't pinpoint which part of me was expressing them.

I couldn't explain this to Alice or seek aid from any of the teachers at the school, fearing they might be hidden ears for Dumbledore.

As I wracked my brain throughout the night, I realized how stupid I had been. There was an obvious solution to everything, a way to manage my memories and emotions, along with protection from outside sources.

Occlumency was a concept that many found confusing to a certain degree, but from my understanding, its use allowed one to be less influenced by sudden emotional surges. It also provided protection from mind tampering and magically inclined manipulations.

I needed to utilize this as a way to control my emotions and protect myself from the hidden machinations of the Wizarding world. Sure, the fact that I could erase magic now was a complete cheat, but one slip or distraction could lead to someone mind-fucking me into oblivion.

I hugged Alice as she nestled into my chest. It had become a common occurrence for us to sleep together, though we both still needed some time before any more progress was made. My mental junkyard didn't allow me to form a deep connection, and her trauma from years on the run still hadn't lessened.

"So, Alice. Want to tell me more about your family?" I asked, moving my head down to see her eyes. "You know all about Mercy and me, but I know pretty much nothing about yours." 

It was true; I wasn't sure if she was still holding back due to fear, but in this relationship, I was the one waiting for her.

"Hmm," she said, nodding into my chest. "I can do that, but they're a bit of a messy bunch. First, there are six of us in my family. There's Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie, who are essentially my siblings, then there's Esme and Carlisle, our 'adoptive' mother and father." 

The longing for her family was apparent in her voice, and I couldn't help but feel sad for her.

I knew about her family from the movies I watched, but anything deeper than that, like lore, was new to me. I was confused about Jasper being out of the equation, but at the same time, the fact that I exist in this world definitely had a butterfly effect that could change many minor and major things.

"I was turned into a vampire... not by Carlisle, but by someone else." 

Sitting up, she placed her hand on my chest. "Carlisle said I lost my memories during the transition. I can't remember who I was before, the family I had, or even the reason why I was turned." Her voice trembled.

"When I woke up, I wandered around America, still confused about who or what I was. I fed on humans, killed without remorse, only fixating on my hunger. Then, one day, I saw the Cullens in a vision. I was living happily with them, safe and loved." 

She wrapped her arms around her legs, sitting on the bed like a ball.

Noticing her apprehension, I tried pulling her into my arms, but Alice stopped me from moving further. "No, Theo. I need to explain it all to you; you deserve to know me fully. Even the bad times."

Nodding, I stopped and let her continue.

"I essentially ran like my life depended on it. Fortunately, I knew where they were living due to my premonitions. I did the best thing I could and knocked on their door, asking for help. I hated the feeling of drinking human blood, and I needed a home. Edward, well, he can read minds. He conveyed my thoughts to the family, and they welcomed me almost instantly." 

A small smile bloomed on her face; it seemed like she was remembering the moment she found her family.

Wrapping her in my arms, I kissed her forehead gently. "Thank you for telling me, Alice. No matter who you were or what you did, it doesn't matter." 

We all had our secrets and pasts we weren't proud of; I would be a hypocrite if I judged her for something like that.

We sat in silence for a while, holding one another contentedly. It seemed like Alice felt a weight off her shoulders after opening up about her past, and I felt better knowing more about her.

"You know, I'm scared," I whispered to Alice. She seemed shocked for a moment, her eyes widening at my words. "Not scared of you, but about the whole situation."

Shifting to the side, I pulled her closer into my embrace. "I don't remember my parents; it's like a thick veil is surrounding their faces. I have powers I'm still confused about, and now I've found out that one of the strongest wizards may be scheming something insidious that involves me." 

I couldn't help but choke up slightly.

'Fuck, I was just a neglected kid more than a week ago. I woke up here and had to figure everything out on my own. The books I read always showed main characters who become icebergs of emotion or lustful beasts, but it's all bullshit. It's a fucking scary situation for anyone.'

Noticing my body shivering, Alice wrapped her whole body around me, slowly rubbing my back with her hand as she hummed slightly.

"We're both dealing with messed-up lives, aren't we?" She smiled in defeat. "Theo, if I need to make some magical oath or be cursed to show my honesty, I would. As long as you let me stay by your side, I'll always be here for you."

Her words tore deep inside of me. She gained nothing from being with me; sure, I had money and maybe some flashy powers, but that was it.

"Thank you," I whimpered, holding onto her.

**********

Morning came, and I woke up still being held by Alice. She couldn't sleep, so the fact that she let me rest in her arms as I had the equivalent of a mental breakdown embarrassed me slightly.

"Mornin', Theo," she whispered, kissing my cheek lovingly.

I smiled at her, returning the gesture, before standing up from the bed. My body felt light, way lighter than it did last night. Looking around, I felt like the world was a bit more vibrant, like the dulled colors I thought were normal had a new filter placed on top.

Mentally, it felt like I had hired a cleaning service to come through and sweep up the mess. Sure, I could still feel the darkness, but now, it was noticeably clearer.

It was Monday, and that meant I had classes. Unfortunately for me, it meant that I would be learning everything I had already imprinted into my mind.

Taking a brisk shower, I changed into my robes and left Alice for the day. She said that her day would be spent leaving the school in her cat form to find an animal to feed on, maybe around the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. I had nothing to worry about; she could definitely defend herself.

Unfortunately for me, I had slept in, meaning I missed breakfast, and it was time for DADA. Walking through the halls, I quickly entered the classroom moments before Quirrell graced us with his presence.

"G-Good morning, everyone," he stuttered, as his eyes ping-ponged between each student. I had already mentally checked out; I knew the class would be over an hour of him rambling and teaching nothing of substance. He reminded me of the teachers in modern schools who would copy text from a book, paste it on a PowerPoint, and read it word for word.

Closing my eyes, I attempted something I was curious about.

My magical sense had been something I wholeheartedly underutilized, and I intended to change that today.

Sensing the magic surrounding the classroom, I focused my mind on the back of Quirrell's head, where a dark miasmic energy swirled deep inside.

'How the fuck did Dumbledore not notice this? Even if he didn't have this kind of ability, he should have been skeptical.'

The magic painted an image of Voldemort, his cruel and disgusting visage transplanted onto the back of Quirrell. He looked like a melted candle given a face by a toddler drawing on it. It seemed he was in a kind of hibernation stage, maybe to conserve his energy.

'Should I just erase his existence from Quirrell's body? Voldemort is just a fragment of his soul, attached to the body in a curse-like fashion. It could take a couple of seconds, but I could completely end the first movie in just a moment.'

It wasn't a bad idea, and maybe I could slowly remove the Horcruxes, but I was also apprehensive about doing something to aid Dumbledore.

Putting my thoughts to the side, I decided not to act rashly. First, I would learn Occlumency, and then from there, I could make some smart moves.

I had lost myself in thought for a while, so the class had progressed at an alarming pace. Most of the other students were completely ignoring the teacher, so I simply pulled out the remaining books I needed to complete my theoretical knowledge for the first year. I had planned to use the Room of Requirement to gain copies of the following years' materials and learn it all in advance.

The day had flown by, not at a blinding pace, but more of a torturous grind. In Charms, I had impressed Professor Flitwick once again; my advanced application of the spells he was teaching made the man cheer to no end, gaining the house an additional 20 points. This time, I was asked by a couple of people to help them understand the execution of their spells more, which I readily did. 

It was nice to speak to other people my age, even if it was me helping them.

After Charms, I stopped at the Great Hall for a quick meal, this time just grabbing a handful of chicken and eating it as I walked through the hallways. I did wish to make more friends, but right now, it was the last thing on my mind.

**********

Seated on the leather couch, I was currently hoarding a collection of books instructing on Occlumency, from beginner to mastery. The concept of the skill was quite complex, as the slightest mistake could turn me into a vegetable.

"So you're saying you can close off your mind to people accessing and influencing it? Edward is going to hate that when you two meet," Alice giggled as she lounged about on the couch.

We were both inside the Room of Requirement, as she joined me in her animal form, before swiftly changing back and enjoying the fireplace and a couple of books on vampire history.

"I could probably do some research later and figure out a way to apply it to items, you know, in case you wanted to stop someone from reading your mind or peering into your history."

Alice nodded, smiling at my words. She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was thinking about it, especially when the Volturi had someone who had a penchant for snooping in minds.

Looking at the books, I couldn't help but notice that there were a lot of fluff words added into the description and application of the skill. The main takeaway from the lessons was very direct. 

One, it was a form of inner peace and control, akin to Muggle meditation. 

Two, there was an added layer of magic surrounding the brain, similar to a protection spell. 

And three, there was a form of counter-attack in place in case of an attack on the mind.

I smiled, because once I understood the root of the skill, it made it almost too easy to begin practicing.