What the fuck

They went through the video and asked a handful of question. "What are those numbers above everyone's head? What is that vial? What's that pill? What's the pen? Who is Kaku? What did you have him do? What did you show those men that scared them so badly? Where did you get those cuffs? What are they made from? etcetera, etcetera..."

I answered honestly except for the numbers, for that I told them it was about their future. Not a lie but not the full truth. When dinner hit, everyone complained about being hungry so I snapped and had a feast spread on the table, "Sorry for taking up your time with my foul mood. Please eat your fill, I have more than enough."

I sipped tea as they ate before a woman questioned, "Why arent you eating?"

"Because I'm mourning," I said and sipped my tea, "I havent eaten all week and dont plan to for the next week."

"Wont you fall sick from that," she asked sadly.

"No. My regeneration keeps me from falling sick," I said.

"Who did you lose," she asked quietly.

"My spouse... it's been a very long time since they died so dont feel bad," I sighed, "May I go home?"

"Of course. Do you want someone to drive you," she asked.

"No, I'll just teleport," I said and did. Landing at my door step, I found everything sparkling clean. Glancing at the roof, I found Kaku falling down. As he landed, he presented me with a report before disappearing. I read through it quickly and nodded, "Good job Kaku."

--

Sitting on the porch with the trio, I made a bunch of clones and growled, "Drink."

And they did. We silently drank bottle after bottle before I grabbed a guitar and teleported to the willow tree. A bottle in my tail as I sang and played guitar. My anger rising before I tore the thing apart and went to the ground. Standing a meter from the grave, I laid flowers out and poured a glass of tea rum, "I bet you would see me as little more than a monster... I saved some kids today... and the souls of men who were heading down the wrong path... It was the sort of thing you would have done... I wanted to kill them all... every single person there... but its not what you would do... Do I even deserve the kindness of others? Will my blood soaked hands ever be accepted?"

Feeling someone come closer I sighed and waved a hand, making an ice piano. As I sat and downed another bottle, I angrily threw it at the now group of approaching people. I began to play No Time To Die By Billy Eilish, "I should've known

I'd leave alone

Just goes to show

That the blood you bleed

Is just the blood you owe

We were a pair

But I saw you there

Too much to bear

You were my life

But life is far away from fair

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

Was it obvious to everybody else

That I'd fallen for a lie?

You were never on my side

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

There's just no time to die

I let it burn

You're no longer my concern

Faces from my past return

Another lesson yet to learn

That I'd fallen for a lie

You were never on my side

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

There's just no time to die

No time to die

No time to die

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

There's just no time to die..."

"Luc...," Ken said sadly.

"Fuck off or die," I growled and downed another bottle.

"...You cant kill us," Balthazar said and tossed a bottle to me, "Your songs suck if we cant hear other instruments."

I froze before grinning sadistically, "Drown By Bring Me The Horizon."

As we played and I sang, I criticized them until our clones started dieing from alcohol overdoses. The rush hit and we fell on our asses before I stood, "Ah fuck... WHO GOTS MY CAPE?!"

Something hit my face and I fought with it before lifting it up, "I WIN!"

"Pft! Hahahaha," they laughed and stood as well before stripping to their boxers and putting capes on.

Salem shouting, "No pants party!"

Taking everything but my boxers off, I placed my cape around my neck and angrily played the piano, "Dis one go outta da Ice King!"

Salem curiously watched from on top of the piano while Balthazar and Ken took their guitar and drums and prepared. I grinned maliciously, standing while playing the piano and yelling the lyrics angrily, "Dun-du-du-du-du-dun-dun

Makin' your way in the world today

Takes EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!

TAKIN' A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES

SURE WOULD HELP A LOT!

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO GET AWAY

Where everybody knows your name?

Where everybody..."

As I ended the song, they looked at me oddly. I huffed, "Fine! Fine! Nuts then Marceline from Adventure Time."

We sang and more cloned were made and died periodically. My rage growing so Ken, Bakthazar, and Salem put a concert on for me. All adventure time songs until the sun started to peak out of the clouds and we all loudly scream sang Bacon Pancakes.

We then sealed ourselves to 1% power and started brawling before Lucci tried to break it up. I grabbed his throat and got in his face, "Wha?! Whacha wan?!"

"...to fix your capes and give you drinks. Also Khalifa wishes to know if you want to watch the movies now," he said calmly.

I let go of him, "Oh... Surry. Yup."

He nodded and gently fixed my cape as I watched him, "Luci... Imma bite chu, Kay?"

He froze and nodded slightly. I pulled his body on mine and roughly bit his neck before letting go, "Yup. Yew wassa real'n. Delicious... Bite chu morr later."

As I turned, I ran into Ken on Salems shoulders. I went wide eyes, "Nat even invited me?! Bas-erds!"

Spoke too soon. Balthazar easily lifted me then froze, "Heeeeyyyy! Luc dunnit weight a feather!"

I punched his head, "Oiii! I do not! Dem feathers er twice me!"

They looked at me before tossing me to eachother. Ken nodded, "Gots a teach me how do that!"

Salem smirked, "I know! I know! Never eat! Binge drink! Smoke a pipe!"

Bakthazar scoffed, "Yews callin me fat?!"

"Yes," I shouted.

They looked at me deadpanned before yelling, "Shuddap twig!"

"Yew shuddap," I yelled angrily, "Imma fat too!"

"Eh?!" they yelled.

"I use ta be half dis. Now lookit me...," I huffed, "Unloveable..."

"Shuddap! Yew gots Sakagoku and Senzuki," Salem growled.

We laughed and I rolled on the ground, "Sengoku dont do dat. Him juss a frand."

"Damn do da tiger go," Ken said and licked his lips, "Ugh... wait so long, why?"

"Per-pare," I said and smirked, "Imagine it. They wake and we gots bow ties."

"Boo!" they declined.

"Big ass bow," I question.

"BOO!" the declined.

"Neked!" I declared.

"BOO!!!" they yelled louder.

"...Fuck yew too.... PAJAMAS!" I yelled.

"YEAH!" the yelled back.

"Okay... Okay... wait... we cannot match," I said, "Whatchu gonna do?"

"Black cat jamas!" they yelled.

I smirked, "Birthday suit heh."

"...the movie is ready," Khalifa called from the door, "Cocoa and s'mores will be done soon."

We bolted to the door and I sat in my spot before Lucci handed me my coconut, "Your drink master."

I waved him closer. He leaned closer, assuming I was going to whisper something. Instead, I bit him and took some blood, "Delish~"

He smiled faintly and moved behind my seat before the trio started arguing.

Ken, "Hey! Yew got his lap las time!"

Salem, "I never gotta!"

Balthazar, "But I wanna lap!"

They yelled together, "Luficer! Who getta lay deir head inner lap?!"

I scooted to the middle of the couch, "I gots two legs an sum abs. Careful. I wanna bite people."

Salem shivered and sat in my lap, "Yew can chew on ma ear."

I immediately bite his ear and purred, "Na as good as Lucci blood but it do."

Salem growled, "Lucci! Put cher blood on ma ear."

"...no," Lucci said and sighed, "Only master Lucifer may have my blood."

Ken frowned, "We see bout dat."

"No s'mores or cocoa if you dont listen to Lucci," Khalifa called as she brought cheese covered s'mores and whipped cocoa, "Cheese sticks are being covered in chocolate. Nachos will have carmel, sea salt, five cheese, and peppers. Mango frozen margaritas are nearly done."

"Thank yew," we called out as Ken laid on my left and Balthazar on my right.

I leaned my head back and sighed, "Lucci~"

He came closer and leaned over my face, "Yes master?"

"Gimme yer neck," I said and opened my mouth.

He chuckled, "Of course."

Roughly biting his neck, more blood dripped into my mouth. It was an addictive killer feline taste. As I was slowly drinking his blood, Salem yelped and jumped off of me. Ken and Balthazar laughed. Ken speaking, "Das why we donut sit in Luc lap."

I let go of Lucci and grabbed his throat with my hand before trying to feed him a blood pill. Too shakey, I swallowed the blood and put the pill in my mouth before making him kiss me. I pushed my tongue in his mouth and made him take the pill before letting go. Sitting up, I put a pillow in my lap and pat it, "Salem, sit da fuck down or imma bite it off!"

Salem quickly sat down and gave me his ear again. Roughly chewing his ear, Khalifa brought the food in and started the movie. It was recordings of Ryu that were secretly caught by the Lucifer fan club as per an anonymous request... Okay, I did it.

While they ate, I chewed on an ear and watched before frowning and laying my head back. Opening my mouth without speaking, Lucci stepped directly behind me and gave me his wrist, "Itll be easier to get blood this way master and you can watch your movie."

I clicked my tongue, "Jackass..."

Lucci sighed, "Very well."

He gave me his throat. As I bit into his neck, my fingers grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. He made a quiet groan so I stopped and swallowed most of the blood before putting a pill on my tongue. Forcing both pill and blood into his mouth, when I let go of him he quietly spoke, "I'll be back in a minute master."

I waved him off before licking the blood off my lips. Getting curious, I roughly moved Salems head and bit into his neck. He froze up and smacked Ken and Balthazar, "I think... we gotta vampire inna house..."

Ken glanced up, "Yup."

Balthazar snuggled closer, "We do."

"Help me," Salem growled quietly.

"Nah," they said.

"Master," Khalifa said and put a new coconut near my face, "Lucci blood. Its fresh. He apologizes for needing a minute."

I let go of Salem, "Like blood of thousands... Odd... Thanks Khali."

Slowly sipped my bloody coconut, the movie played on. Getting close to the end, Lucci came in and spoke, "Master, do you want the next movie now or later?"

I grumbled, "No. Lemme bite yew."

Salem got up, "Gonna see bout some fishies."

Ken and Balthazar sat up before sighing and following him. Hearing the door open slowly, I waved Lucci over. Once he was within grabbing range, I grabbed his throat and pulled him into my lap. His chest on mine, his knees on the couch as I bit into his neck. His fingers pulled my hair, "Master... this is highly inappropriate..."

I stopped biting, "Shuddap."

He fell silent and stopped moving as I continued drinking his blood. After a minute I let go of him entirely and purred, "Whacha doin ata door?"

Lucci weakly and shakily stood up so I grabbed his hand and placed pills in them. The one at the door quietly asked, "Why did you bite him?"

Hearing the new voice, Ken pulled them in and locked the door, "We gottsa loose vampire. Keep da door close!"