Did You Know? Death Sucks.

I don't remember much of my old life. In truth the only thing I can fully recall is the terror I felt watching the truck careen off the road, hopping the curb, and that big grill looming into vision.

Then darkness.

The squeal of tires, a sick crunch of flesh and bone plowed under a wildly charging vehicle. The thump thump... thump thump as the mangled flesh of what was once human fell beneath those heavy tires. A brief moment of heart rending pain.

Then blissful darkness.

With the darkness came relief. The mind numbing pain faded away. The screams of pedestrians, the wail of sirens, the screech of breaks finally halting that vehicle. All were silent. Was this the afterlife? Did I truly die? I'm scared... yet the soothing darkness is silent. Did I truly die? Is this silent darkness the afterlife?

Hello!? Can anyone hear me? Can anyone understand me?! Is anyone even there?!

Please... answer me... I'm scared...

Silence. Darkness.

Is this all I can know???

Dammit I want to live! I want to be! God! Satan! Is anyone there!? FUCKING ANSWER ME!

.

.

.

Nothing. There's no one. I am alone.

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.

.

~ Crack ~

A sound! I am not alone!

~ Crack ~ ~ Crack ~

Hello?!

.... "Awaken."

Finally someone is there! Awaken? Awaken what?

~ Crack ~ ~ Crack ~ ~ Crack ~

"I command thee, AWAKEN!"

The yell echoes around me, the darkness recedes like I was buried. Its some scrawny kid in a robe. He holds aloft a staff topped by a chicken skull. The room is hazy, technically I'm seeing this weird cosplay kid from a shitty LARP, but at the same time I 'see' the rest of the room... wait. I can see the zits on this kids nose, he's staring me in the face but there's nothing in front of him but a crystal skull...

Wait.

Oh hell no.

I watch as the kid smashes the crystal skull with his staff shattering the last of an outer film off it. The haze is gone, the truth is shocking. I'm a fucking hood ornament.

"Awaken my dungeon!"

Oh hell to the fucking no...

{ Dungeon System Initializing...}

I'm a dungeon?!

As the bright words blazed across my vision I was rather shocked speechless. Why I was shocked, I wasn't too sure, just something in the dark recesses of my fading memory screamed this was not normal for reincarnation. Shouldn't I be, at the very least what I was before?

What I was before... just what was I? My horrific death is an ever so delightful crystal clear memory, but what I was before escapes me. How does one forget that? How can I not know what I am? I mean... I know I'm male... well... was male, I don't think dungeons have little brothers between their thighs, especially not having thighs to begin with! Okay. Off track there for a second. Uh... Hello...?

{ Dungeon System Initializing, please wait. }

Grumbling to myself I "looked" back at the kid. Everything about him seemed to scream hayseed. Between the ragged overalls, the thick boots and straw hat one could find fewer things that screamed your average old time farmer. And a pathetic example of one. The kid was lanky, his chest and arms were scarecrow thin. His bulbous nose made it look like he had an eggplant growing out of his face. Thick, bushy black eyebrows made his wide forehead look even more pronounced. Farmer? Give this kid a club and some hide strapped across his pale chest and you'd have the world's most pathetic and stupid looking Neanderthal.

With the way the guy was raging and beating "me" with his stick its probably a good thing I don't have arms. I'd likely just have punched him. Why did he even carry that staff? The chicken skull atop it was just sad, hell the thing wasn't even straight, more a twisted branch that looked like it cracked off a dead tree. Yet the guy waved it around screaming and shouting. Seriously guy, fuck off. I'm awake already, what the hell do you want?

{ Dungeon System Initialization Confirmed. }

{ Welcome, <UNKNOWN>, to Dungeon System 1.0. I am your automated assistant. Would you like to listen to the tutorial? }

While the voice was rather soft and friendly it was rather clear that it was recorded, whatever that was. Shrugging shoulders I likely no longer had I nodded a head that likely also didn't exist, Sure hit me assistant.

{ Tutorial started. Welcome, <UNKNOWN>, you have been selected to be the dungeon core of this freshly born dungeon. It is your job as a dungeon to provide housing and security to a dungeon master and his followers. Would you like to accept a dungeon master at this time? }

Is that what that kid is trying to awaken? Is he my new dungeon master?

{ Detecting Potential Masters in range... One Dungeon Master found! Would you like to review your dungeon master candidates? }

Not like I have a choice. Let's see if he's as big a wreck as he looks.

{ Displaying candidate status... }

[Name: Lawrence Fadewind

Classes: Level 1 Farmer, Level 1 Necromancer

Title: The Chicken Lord

Strength: 1

Dexterity: 0.5

Constitution: 0.5

Intelligence: 0.3

Charisma: 0.2

Luck: 5

Current Health: Acne Infestation, Crabs, Fatigued]

What... the... honest... fuck?

{ I am sorry, dungeon assistant 1.0 is unable to stipulate an answer for your query. Accept this dungeon master? }

Uhhhh... can I say no?

{ Declining a dungeon master will return dungeon core to inactive status, do you wish to reject this candidate? }

Fuck me. Apparently the chicken lord was the only available option but should I really accept this guy as a dungeon master? I mean look at those stats, sure I have nothing to compare it against but just by the fact he's got pretty okay luck but still caught crabs from somebody should speak volumes that this asshole was the village idiot. I mean really he's a necromancer titled the chicken lord... what's he command? Zombie roosters? Beware my cluckers of dooooom!!!! I wish I had a hand and a face to face palm. Sigh. Fine. I accept.

{ Dungeon master accepted! Passing dungeon command module to the Chicken Lord. Module accepted. Dungeon Master wishes to rename dungeon to the Henhouse of Doom. Accept name assignment? }

Oh hells no. Can I suggest an alternative?

{ Dungeon <UNKNOWN> may suggest two alternatives. }

Thinking a moment I watched the kid nearly shit himself when his naming choice came back unaccepted. The bean pole raged about the room even striking ?me? well, the skull, a few times with his staff. Fine. Offer him these... Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy, Farmer Fuckwits Shithole. Let's see how you like those kid!

I watched as the kid got his options. Wow, you hear about spitting blood when upset but I just watched this kid do it. I think my choices nearly gave him an aneurysm. Ha serves you...

{ Renaming Dungeon <UNKNOWN> to Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy. }

Sigh. No one to blame but myself, I gave him two shit names, go figure the one chosen is still exactly that. Rather than be pissy I should have suggested something alot better. Ah well.

{ Dungeon Master the Chicken Lord is now accessing Dungeon Build Menu, dungeons are built using energy harvested from either their master or the victims killed inside it. The higher the level of the victim the greater the energy gained. At level one the Dungeon Master has one thousand energy to expand the dungeon with. Dungeon Master the Chicken Lord has requested two rooms totalling eight hundred energy. Does the Dungeon Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy wish to amend the creations? }

Amend the creations? What is he building?

{ Dungeon Master the Chicken Lord requested a -Simple Bedroom- and a -Simple Lair-. The simple bedroom is a twenty foot by twenty foot room adjacent to the core chamber. It is furnished with basic bed, dresser, chest and wardrobe. The simple lair is a twenty foot wide, forty foot long cavern style room placed in the connecting corridor that links the core room to the outside world. Does Dungeon Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy wish to make changes? }

What can I do?

{ As the Dungeon Core you have final say on ascetic choices and layout, any design decisions that would risk dungeon stability can be canceled by you or changed to be more in line with something that would work. To avoid this, Dungeon Masters may employ workers to manually create their choices, these creations are not able to be altered by the dungeon core unless they are either edited or upgraded from the Builder System. }

Show me the bedroom. No sooner than I asked a ghostly room was dug out behind my core chamber. The room was simple, cramped and dark. The furniture was naturally made of stone and left little room to house anything else. Watching the bland walls I thought about what I could change. System? Can we add murals to the walls?

{ Artistic murals can be added. What should they depict? }

Well this guy was "The Chicken Lord" after all. System please change all dungeon walls to depict chickens fighting each other. The murals should cover every dungeon wall unless specifically noted otherwise.

{ Amendment noted. Proceed with creations? }

Go for it, let's see how he likes it. Broadening my "view" i was more or less able to see all of "me". As the bedroom dug itself out I focused on the walls nodding in satisfaction at the angry chicken motifs the inner walls now sported. These walls included the bedroom, core room and connecting hallway to the lair. Sadly the lair walls remained normal store looking like a large animal den but watching my dungeon master blinking in shock at the chicken decals covering the walls gave me a chuckle. While I suppose it was shameful to look like this, I could hardly be faulted for maintaining his theme.

System? What happens if a dungeon master over draws their energy?

{ Dungeon Masters who over draw energy risk losing class levels. For the existing dungeon master, loss of level would also mean loss of life. }

So if they get greedy they risk killing themselves. How do they regain energy?

{ Rest and meditation can recoup used energy to the dungeon masters existing cap. }

So after a good night's rest the kid would be able to use more dungeon features. Good to know. Other than the build system, how does a dungeon improve?

{ Dungeon Cores absorb life energy. Be it through dungeon master purchases, victim deaths or monster breeding the core recieves ten percent of the used energy to improve itself. }

So I gained eighty energy for those two rooms... what can I do with energy? I didn't need any for altering the walls apparently...

{ Correct. Dungeon Energy is used to enhance your system. Cosmetic alterations to your structure are free, however improving your systems or pursuing construction on your own requires energy. }

Wait... you mean a dungeon core can build its own dungeon? How's that possible? Wouldn't that be in conflict with a dungeon master?

{ Correct. In advanced dungeons the core can upgrade itself to be its own dungeon master. This is known as a wild dungeon. Victims of dungeon made traps and bred creatures of dungeon control give one hundred percent of energy reward to the core. However, dungeon core owned energy is not automatically regained, what is used is used for good. The up side however is that complete energy use neither lowers the cores level nor risks its destruction. }

Speaking of destruction, am I alive? Can I be killed? Like how that kid was smacking my core, if it were damaged or worse would I cease to be? I'd rather not die again to be honest...

{ Dungeon Cores are not technically alive. Cores have consciousness but require nothing but energy to stay awakened. This energy is shared through the dungeon master until the dungeon core can gain and maintain its own energy. As for destruction of core, core is in no danger from dungeon master the Chicken Lord's mundane blunt weapon. The core is a magical item, while not indestructible cores take far greater weapons to even slightly damage. }

Lapsing into silence I watched chicken boy retire to his stone bed. From the way he tossed and turned it was pretty obvious his regaining of energy would be hampered until he made his living arrangements more comfortable. So while he enjoyed his rock nap I settled in to grill the system...