The Chicken Lord (and his wife)

You know that feeling you get when life screams you should not have awoken that day? That was day two of being the Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy dungeon. Lawrence had awoken early and quickly left my presence. While I was not sorry to see him leave, this left me in a dilemma. Just what does a dungeon do? As it was, existence currently seemed to revolve around this sad little man who had a chicken fetish. Fine, he was a necromancer, a faded memory seemed to say necromancer weren't the brightest of mages, after all their friends were hardly the life of any party.

Lawrence proved no different. Some time later the man scurried into my halls again, a cluster of dead chickens slung over his scrawny shoulder. His arms were bleeding from a dozen shallow scratches, apparently the chickens put up a fight and nearly kicked his ass. Hello world THIS is my dungeon master! Sighing I looked to my core room, System? What happens if invaders kill him and take my core?

{ Dungeon Cores are immovable. Should the dungeon master fall his holding will either turn wild or return to its unawakened state. }

But what if someone sets out to specifically close a dungeon?

{ Dungeons never stay closed. Wether it is people, roaming monsters or adventurers. Many find dungeons useful for their survival or growth. }

But don't people try to destroy dungeons? It struck me as rather odd that dungeons were only awake or sleeping, didn't it stand to reason that certain groups would want to utterly destroy a dungeon since it housed monsters and insane lunatics like Fadewind?

{ That is incorrect. Dungeon Cores are typically too strong to be destroyed by mortals. Coupled with a symbiotic relationship between how dungeons work and what it provides adventurers a dungeon is a valuable treasure to many. In Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy's case, yes, your existence is more a threat to the local population due to being a newly awakened core in a low development region. But that is their problem not the problem of Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy. }

Wait. System you said this is a low development region, does that mean you can access the outside? Why can't I?

{ The Dungeon Assistant System is an omnipresent tool developed by the higher powers to jumpstart young dungeon growth. Being able to understand the region in which the dungeon is born allows the system to tailor its features for both dungeon and dungeon master so consistency is maintained. For example, Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy is a dungeon located in a small mountain range bordering a plain. This grants the system mountainous and flatland options along with decor sampling that is in line with local design styles. This prevents the system or the dungeon from generating features that would more belong to an oceanic or desert dungeon. }

Makes sense. So what is the dungeon masters village like? Judging by him, it has to be a farming village way away from the cities right?

{ Correct. System has detected one village within current range. Estimated technology level is early medieval. Estimating the population to be around one hundred and three humans, four half elves, two beastkin and one goblinoid. There is also three hundred and eighty livestock consisting of chickens, goats and sheep. Estimated contained wealth, three silver pieces. Estimated threat level to dungeon master, fatal. Estimated threat level to dungeon core, minimal. }

So its a basic farming village on the outskirts. But half elves? Beastkin? Goblinoids? What are those?

{ Half Elves are byproducts of interspecies mating. In this case, human and elves, though half elves can have a mix of parentage. They are typically much like humans with slightly longer life spans and reduced elven features. Beastkin are anthromorphic animals, in the villages case a minotaur and a cow girl. They are humanoid with animal characteristics. Goblinoids are those with relations to goblins or orcs yet are not either, often called Half orcs or hobgoblins they are the product of pairings of true goblins or orcs and a human. }

Wow, okay so I'm not in Kansas any more. While fantasy races sound interesting, the chances I'll see any of them is rather moot I guess. If Fadewind is any indication. Speaking of which, what is the Chicken Lord up to?

Tuning into the lair its a sight to see the scrawny necromancer harvesting the meat and feathers off his pilfered chickens. For once the farmer in the guy shines through and his ability to harvest the fowl is quite plain. When he starts animating the skeletons though is when my attention starts to wane. Honestly, why bother? Yes he will have a handful of undead chickens but what's he gonna do with them? Attack the village? Threaten to peck them to death? Honestly, this guy has a few screws loose. With his supplies and minions, the Chicken Lord again retires to his room, seems he's a bit unsettled. Likely saw whoever infested him again today when he grabbed the chickens.

While he slept I had a look at his "minions". The handful of skeletal fowl wandered the lair in a listless manner, with no set orders the skeletons just tended to idle about occasionally bumping into each other or the walls. For the umpteenth time I questioned if this kid was born stupid or had to be dropped on his head a few times to believe undead egg layers would make a worthwhile army to command. Maybe an ant hill might feel slightly threatened but who else wouldn't just kick these things into shards?

System, does my experience have any way to affect the dungeon master's minions? Like, can I make them bigger or stronger? I kinda feel sorry for this village idiot that the first time he unleashes his horde he's gonna get beat up...

{ Dungeon Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy currently lacks the facilities to influence dungeon master created minions. Were they bred, raised or constructed through the dungeon systems you would be able to mutate them. As these creatures were created by the dungeon masters Raise Dead spell, you cannot effect them in any meaningful way. }

Damn. Looks like I'll just pray he plans to bully an orphanage or something. If he tries to claim the village... what are his chances?

{ Dungeon Master Lawrence Fadewind currently possesses zero ability to conquer the village. It is estimated at Dungeon Master Lawrence Fadewind's current progress, he will die of natural old age before defeating the village. This is a conservative estimate based on his preference of minion, current health and displayed foresight. }

So he's doomed?

{ Yes. }

Is this considered normal?

{ To a degree, yes. Most newly born dungeons tend to emerge in wilderness areas as such usually the initial dungeon master is either of low ambition, low intelligence or excessive luck. In Dungeon Master Lawrence Fadewind he is all of the above. It is estimated that Dungeon Farmer Fadewind's Fallacy's luck is worse. Usually such Dungeon Masters change quickly as either stronger more ambitious creatures remove their lesser, though the chance of a dungeon going into stand by mode does happen in more remote situations. }

The next few days past as much as the first. Fadewind would leave the dungeon early in the morning, likely to appear like he was doing his normal work, then returning sometime later with a few dead chickens. He would remove skins, feathers and flesh, then animate the skeleton. The lair now held about a dozen or so skeleton fowl. The purpose of this focus still eludes me, it seems to make him happy though. He spends an ungodly amount of his time talking to the things. Alot of it makes no sense, mostly ravings of a lunatic. Even worse today when he returned he was not alone.

His companion was questionably human. Standing several inches taller than himself, his companion was female and rather thick, like a fleshy water barrel in a tattered drop of cloth. Near as I can figure this is his... lover... though I use the term loosely as what they did in his bed chamber haunts me even now. I'd wager watching pigs roll in their own shit would be more interesting. After a small inspection it appeared this was the goblinoid, a half orc. It certainly explained the gray green skin, the underbite, and the fact she was almost thrice the person he was. Most troubling of all was the covetous looks she threw at the glowing skull that was my existence. While Fadewind recovered she had slipped out of the bed chamber and tried to carry it off. System, can she do that?

{ No, while a dungeon core looks like a separate and light weight bauble they are the heart of a dungeon. Maybe if she were a giant or a dragon she could drag the core outside but she is not. Her only means to "steal" you would be to kill the current dungeon master and take his place. }

Watching the half orc "woman" grunting and cursing at the crystal skull core was a novel distraction for a bit. Thankfully Fadewind woke not too long after to occupy his lover. The sight of the young man nestled against the bigger half orc returned that illogical ill feeling inside. Still, the kid was feeling more refreshed and accessed the dungeon builder to expand his bedroom to be a little less cramped and more accommodating for his lover. It seemed miss pig face was going to be staying. Lovely. Little Dungeon on the Prairie. As the day past it became exceedingly obvious that the woman was not impressed with Fadewind's master plan any more than I was. The second day of their cohabitation I watched as she kicked and stomped the undead chickens to bits while Lawrence watched in aggrieved silence, things were gonna change since it looked like she was now in charge.

As she left to get more things from her home, Fadewind fired up the builder and created a secret room adjacent to the core room, inside he rebuilt the chickens he could and kept his "friends" away from the wifey. Not a bad plan since she hounded him about his future rise as a fearsome dungeon lord. The girl obviously was far more ambitious and despite looking like a fat sow in a dress, she appeared to have at least some intellect. System can I inspect her?

{ Appraisal skill unlocked for ten experience. }

Nearly choking as an eighth of my current experience vanished I was treated to her stats...

[Name: Gretna Longtusk

Classes: Level 2 Farmer, Level 1 Prostitute, Level 1 Thief

Title: The Village Mare

Strength: 3

Dexterity: 1

Constitution: 2

Intelligence: 2

Charisma: 0.8

Luck: 1

Current Health: Crabs, Gut Worms, Lice, Slightly Healthy, Pregnant]

If I had eyes I'd have blinked in shock. Compared to Fadewind Gretna was a tank. A rusted out tank but still in far better condition. Looking at her classes and title told volumes about her position in the village. She was to put it bluntly, the village bike that likely half the village had rode. To say she was infested was putting it mildly, but why was she with a runt like Lawrence? Then I saw her health line. She's with child, and likely not Fadewind's but still being the outcast that he was he probably was her best option of being turned into an "honest woman". Even better now that he had a dungeon, such could be a gold mine in her thinking. I could see the greed in her as obvious as her thick jaw. Still, if she could push Fadewind into being more than a skeletal chicken hoarder it might not be a bad thing...

Despite my optimism Fadewind continued his collection in secret, surely the village must now realize someone had been killing off their livestock, with some score undead chickens the absence of the hens must surely drawing someone's attention. What's worse is Gretna is helping him. A few goats and sheep also arrived at the lair, these were not killed and animated so Gretna likely means to raise them. The day after her arrival she also brought much of her home with her. Fadewind even had to create another chamber to store her things. For a villager she had collected alot of things, most were probably trades for her services but I suppose it in some fashion, qualifies as "treasure". Sadly I've seen nothing that truly represents wealth amongst their things, perhaps we're too far out but I hope I become more than a barn for village outcasts...