The beginning of her Fears

She was 4. A naive child who trusted everyone. Her relatives had come over. They would come to visit her grandmother from time to time. They had come to stay for a day. Her elder cousin who was 14 then, called her saying he will show her a magic trick. He took her to the store room behind her house.

Diya's hands started shaking when she reached that point. She couldn't write further. She didn't want to relive that day. But back then she didn't understand what he was doing to her. She realised only when she grew up that what had happened to her that day. How someone she trusted has taken advantage of her. How she wasn't safe even at her own home. How she realised she would never feel safe or comfortable around any man ever. How she would get uncomfortable even at the slight change of approach from a man. She felt she was impure while growing up. As a teenager, when her friends felt attracted to cute guys from school, she felt that she wasn't good enough that she wasn't pure enough for anyone. She felt that she would be cheating them and she should never get into a relationship with anyone. She never dresses up. She always tried to look plain, to not look attractive. That way no one would touch her or try to violate her the same way that person did when she was a kid.

She grew up as a silent kid. An introvert. She was never confident enough to talk to anyone. The only thing that made her feel good about herself was her voice. She had a good voice. She joined her school music team. The only times her grandmother appreciated her was when she performed on stage. When she sang and won prizes. Music was the only thing that was her true companion. When she sang, when she saw the admiration in others eyes when they listened to her sing, when she received their appreciation, those were her good memories of her childhood and teenage years.