From the hell...

It's cold like crazy. Though mid winter suppose to be like this. But why is it so annoying?

Leena wonders, why her life is so hellish?

Her dad isn't home yet. His wife is shouting over phone. Maybe her relatives got another darned issue to spit over.

This house is a piece of hell. The feelings Leena is getting now, she's sure that hell feels same as it. All she wanted is a quiet home to sleep in. But that little wish of hers never came true in this nineteen years.

Leena dropped out from high school years ago. It was her senior year. But she has to drop out instead of graduating. She failed in final exam.

She was always a good student. But for several years she has lost her concentration. She tries hard to put her mind into studies but her world seems too crowded, so she simply can't. This is crazy, it really is. There is no one, who can hear her out.

When Leena was in grade two, her mom left home. Her dad said that mom is a bad woman who doesn't care about her. She used to love her dad so much, so she blindly believed him. As she grew up, she realised that the dad she loves so much actually never cared about her. He only cares about himself, like a psychopath.

Not very later after Leena's mom left, her dad remarried. This woman worse than her dad. So they cruelly happy together. They fight every morning as if it's their morning tea. Leena doesn't thinks they love each other. They just need each other, that's it.

Leena has a distance relationship with her housemates. Nobody cares about her. Leena realised it, her dad and his wife want her to be a dumb person. They tried everything to destroy her.

It's cruel to think, the people you're living with, actually killing you inside.

Leena is living, as a dead soul.

Door bell is ringing, maybe it's dad. Leena doesn't get off from her bed. Who cares even if that man is home or not, it's all same.

So that woman always opens the door not Leena.

Every night her dad asks her about what she's going to do. She never replied yet. It's not she doesn't wanna, it's just she doesn't know the answer.

Today is no special, her dad asked same question again and went to sleep.

This people is super weird!, they don't care about you but pretend to be.

It's midnight, suddenly Leena wants to see the darkness of outside. So she came down from her messy bed.

It's super dark outside. Because of the forest near, this little town of south Illinois seems like ghost town under snow.

Leena feels so bad for the cold forest. It's life seems so cold, just like her life. At least, it got different seasons every year. But in Leena's life of nineteen years, there's only winter.

Leena can't remember when she was happy last time. Maybe in her early childhood or maybe never. Who knows when?

Leena's dad is from Bangladesh, mom is from Maldives. She grew up in mixed culture. Though both of her parents are muslims but there's no religious activities in their home. The only childhood memory she had with her parents is that they are arguing over something. She was always anxious about her parents. Her anxiety seems like a curse. What she was afraid most became true, her mom left her jerk dad. So there's nothing in this world that can make her worry anymore. Maybe this is why she's so careless. She doesn't love, nor herself neither anyone. Love seems like a stranger feeling that can't come to her world.

For one year, Leena only stayed at home. She did nothing. Only stayed on her stinky bed. She eats only when she wants to. Most of the time she eats instant noodles. She knows how annoyed her stepmother. But she doesn't care.

Does Leena have a dream. She can't recalls so.

When she was a child, she loves to look at the sky. The starry sky of south Illinois is so beautiful. Maybe she fall in love with the sky without knowing what love is. All the worries she carries in her little head goes away when she's with the sky. Her mom was an biologist. Her mom used to tell her about the world of science like fairytales. Her mom told her about the sky so much since she was so curious about it. Thinking about the sky still makes her heart flutter.

Can she escape this hellish house. Leena thought it about. Why she's feeling so eager to be free from this prison?

Maybe it's her humanhood which she has been always neglected. But today, in this cold night she truly feeling herself, how lonely she is!

She needs a job to be free, which she doesn't have right now. What she's good at?

Maybe in drawing with watercolor. Or maybe at teaching maths. She needs to find a way soon.

She loves maths so much since elementary school. Her mom thought her maths like a language.

"I can be a tutor, but who will hire a under graduate teacher?", she thinks.

" Shall I start school again?, but I don't wanna live here", she mumbles

Her head again becomes a mess.

" Darn it", she curses.

Why thinking is so hard sometimes!

Leena likes unique geological feature of her town between Ohio and Mississippi rivers.

But she got to leave Shawnee forest for her freedom.

" Huh!, this is crazy"

" Why some people make others life hellish!", she wonders.

Maybe some people can't be happy and can't see happy people. Those people are so sick but living as all well!

" Once I escape this house, I'll never came back again ", Leena mumbles.

It's six am, the world outside of the window started to be visible. It's snowing like crazy.

Another sleepless night of Leena about to say goodbye...