Trollolol

Now obviously the first thing I try to do is cause the oversize thing's head to explode, but it doesn't! It's still sitting there on its neck, looking down on me. Luckily it seems to be too dumb to do anything else for the moment. I try again to simply blow its head up, but again it fails.

Finally seeming to understand that I am in fact standing in front of it, the troll growls and slowly raises its club above its head. Giving up on ending this quickly, I decide to deal with the club first.

"Spongify!" I cry, the spell hitting just as it brings the club down on me. I hear Hermione cry out seeing me get hit, and normally she'd be right to worry. Normally the spell will make something rubbery and bouncy despite what it's called. But given that it's me who used it, and with my wand no less…

It's like I got hit with a cloud. It's actually pretty comfortable being engulfed in the troll's club. Too bad it pulls it off before I can finish enjoying the sensation. It looks between me and the club in confusion, probably wondering why I'm not a smear on the ground right now. But I'm not just going to let this chance get away.

"Incendio!" Normally a small time fire making spell, when it comes out of my wand it's like how a flamethrower is described in books! The flames keep shooting out and cover the troll, which howls in pain and drops its club as it bats at its body. It makes some headway, but I'm still shooting fire and I can tell it won't stop until I cancel the spell or move my wand suddenly. A safety feature of the spell I guess.

Too bad for me that it finally thinks to drop to the floor. Since I don't want to risk my fire setting the room on fire, I cancel it and watch the troll roll around to put out the fire. I can't hear anything outside the bathroom due to its howls of pain, but given the same noise I can hopefully expect some competent teachers to show up soon. Especially with Harry having told them of where I went.

With the fire out, the troll stands up, the burns covering every inch of its skin obviously causing it immense pain. But it doesn't give up on attacking me. Apparently I've offended its delicate sensibilities by not dying like it expected me to. How rude of me!

Laboriously, it reaches down to pick up its club, and I ponder which spell to use next. To kill it, I'd use Diffindo, but I'm worried about how far the spell could go. Normally it wouldn't go past the target, but as I've demonstrated during this encounter…

I'm not normal.

So instead of severing it, I decide to use the knockback jinx. Right as it straightens up, I use it. "Flipendo!" The spell bolt strikes the troll in the chest, and instead of the described force flipping it backwards, it's blasted into the wall where it becomes deeply embedded. Peering at it, I can barely see the slightest rise of its chest. I'm impressed that it's not dead yet with injuries like that.

Its club lies discarded in front of it, and as I'm wondering if I'm allowed to take it as a trophy, Hermione comes out of the bathroom stall she was hiding in. She looks at the damaged and unconscious troll in wonder.

"Did you- did you kill it?"

'That's what she's wondering after seeing it like that? I would have thought she'd be more curious as to how I did that to it than whether or not it's still breathing. Though she probably did hear me say the spells.'

"No, I didn't kill it. Bloody thing seems to be more stubborn than the fat man with the last piece of bacon."

Her brows furrow and she gives me an exasperated look, forgetting about the troll for a moment. "Why? Why couldn't you use a more commonplace metaphor?"

I give her a confused expression. "What are you talking about? That isn't common? It happened where Harry and I lived all the time."

Choosing not to argue, she turns back to look at the troll just as we finally hear footsteps approaching. And in comes Professors McGonagall, Quirrel, and Snape. Quirrel takes one look at the embedded troll and drops to the floor, whimpering. McGonagall and Snape are looking between Hermione and I and the troll in shock.

"What-," she swallows. "What happened here?"

Hermione glances at me and opens her mouth to say something, but after dealing with the Vapids for years I know when someone is about to say something stupid. So I speak over her.

"Hermione wasn't at dinner, so she didn't know about the troll. I came looking for her and sent Harry to tell you where we were. Unfortunately it found us before we could return, and things ended up like this."

I see her eyebrow twitching while Professor Snape looks back at the troll with an impressed air. His expression doesn't change though. He just gives off the feeling that he's impressed.

Taking a deep breath, Professor McGonagall continues her questions in a tightly controlled voice. "Can you explain exactly how things 'ended up like this'?"

I nod. It's not like I have anything to hide. "Well, given how I hadn't known about magic before meeting you, I read ahead in our books and saw some spells that could be used in a fight. So I used those to defeat the troll!" I puff out my chest in pride. Praise me!

Looking between me and the troll, she sighs in resignation. It's not like things didn't end well. And I had done what I could to make sure teachers had a chance to deal with it before it encountered any students. It's not my fault that they were late.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she sighs. "Very well. Given the circumstances, no punishments will be given. Though you both will need to return to your dormitories at once."

We nod and get ready to leave, but are blocked by Professor Snape who smirks mockingly at Professor McGonagall. "Now, now. What might the rush be? Given that the two of them managed to beat a troll by themselves, I feel that they should be rewarded. It's quite uncommon, after all."

Taking this as my chance, I point at the club. "If I'm being rewarded, can I keep its club? I want to keep it as a trophy for my first ever battle."

Blinking in surprise, Professor Snape glances at the giant chunk of wood then back to me before speaking slowly. "Yes… I suppose that would be acceptable. Though I was thinking something more along the lines of… House Points." He gives the two of us a sickly smile. "Which of you two had the greatest contribution to the fight?"

Hermione immediately points to me. "Misha did everything. I was too scared and hid in one of the stalls…" She looks down in shame, realizing that she could have helped.

Professor Snape seems taken aback by this since it takes him a moment to continue. "Very well then. For defeating a troll in single combat, Misha Potter is awarded eighty House Points to Slytherin."

Professor McGonagall looks outraged at this, but he ignores her and continues. "Hermione Granger, for your honesty about the situation, you Gryffindor shall be awarded… ten House Points." He practically spits the words out, and it's clear that he'd rather be saying anything else. Professor McGonagall's outrage immediately turns to shock, so before anything else can interrupt us I grab the narrow end of the club and drag it behind me as Hermione and I leave.