Beach Man Named Bob

It was nighttime and I stood in my twig base. The building had 2 foundations, 5 walls, 1 doorway, and 2 roofs. The system helped when I had made the structures and then they snapped in place on the ground as if I were playing some sort of game. The pieces had lit up in a blue light where they could be placed and a red one where they could not.

I had built about two hundred feet inland from the shore. I glanced at my status screen and inventory.

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Subject 6536. Level 7.

Health → 110/110. Stamina → 13/150. Speed → 90. Weight → 85.7/300. Strength → 250. Combat Sense → 80. Mana capacity → 0/0. Mana sense → 0.

Inventory → Soulstone, mana map, Crossbow, basic stone ax, basic stone pickaxe, 36 arrows, and three bolas. 

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I had some spare resources, but I had put them in the chest which I had placed inside my base. I disregarded the resources and went back to the system overlay. I needed to look over the new engrams that I had learned the past 3 levels. I had seen them but forgot what most of them were. 

Now I was going to open the stupid system window again, but instead, I lay down on the uncorrectable ass twigs that my zombie like self had stitched together under the direction of the system. 

As I closed my eyes, I thought about the beautiful things I had seen in the day. How far I had come. I thought of the stupid dodo bird staring at my crotch. I looked at my legs covered in itchy fiber clothes. 

'At least my balls aren't itching.'

Now I swear, I had jinxed myself so hard... My balls suddenly started itching and I howled like a demon in my thatch hut. "FFFAAAAAAAWWWWWKKKKKK!!!!"

I stood up and then crashed against the far side of my wall. I started huffing and puffing as I pulled my pants down. Thankfully my balls looked fine. I cradled them in my hands for a second. 

'Alright big bro. Calm down. Think happy thoughts... The Ocean... My wife... OHHH.'

I admit, I started jerking off in my little hut. Even worse, I screamed at the roof of my dark little hut. "I hope you gods are watching this right now! Why don't you come down here?! I'll put it in your ass or your pussy, and if you ain't got one of those then I'll just shove it down your throat!!"

Strangely enough, I heard someone respond to me, which I was not all expecting. "What did you say??"

It was the voice of a man outside of my door, and it made me jump. "Aww shit, I take back what I said, I'm not gay!"

The man started chuckling outside. "Hey man, my name is Bob. I'll leave you alone though. I was going to ask you to team up with me, but you're clearly crazy."

I gritted my teeth, and I grabbed a spear from my inventory. I ran out the door real fast with murder on my mind. I did forget my pants though.

The man saw me running towards him with two spears. Obviously, he must have been in fear for his life because he ran. 

I grinned in satisfaction. 'Hehe boi. That is what I thought.'

I walked back to my little home and snuggled up real tightly against the thatch floor without my pants.