Chapter 3

Arriving in the room, I fall on the bed and wonder if I might change my mind about the party, but now that I've called Karl too... I don't want to confuse anyone. I'll go. What  can it happen? I take advantage of the fact that Selena still has classes and call Sam. It was quite strange today not to hear anything from him. I have to get used to the idea that we are far from each other.

 He answered after a few ring tones when I was ready to give up and end the call.

 -"Kate, are you okay? Have you finished your classes now?"  He says and I realize that he is happy that I called him...?

 He has never answered me so cheerfully before.

 - Now I'm done and thought I'd call you. What are you doing?

 -"I missed you, Kate. I miss you even now that I'm talking to you on the phone. I want to come to your place at the weekend."

 -Come on...Sam?

 -"Yes."

 -I was invited to a freshman party tonight and I accepted.

 -"Ok... Just be careful. I don't know how people are there."

 - I'm going with some friends.

 -"Have you made friends yet?"

 -Yes.  Everyone is very nice to me.

 An oppressive silence follows in which no one says anything and I feel like I'm going to suffocate because of his silence.

 -"Kate? Are we okay?"

 - Yes. Why wouldn't we be?!

 -"I don't know...You went far away from me...Do you still want me with you?"

 -Always.

 I hear him sigh with relief as if he had been holding his breath until now, and Selena enters the room, accompanied by Roger.

- Hello, Kate.

 -Hey.  Sam, my roommate and a friend came over.  Talk to you later, okay?

 -"Take care, Kate."  He says and I feel a trace of insecurity in his voice, but I end the call.

 -Your boyfriend? Selena says curiously while changing her clothes with Roger.

 It's really not pudgy at all.

 - Yes. You weren't in the room, so I said I'd call him. Didn't you have classes?  I say trying to change the subject.

 - Yes, but I left faster. I have to get ready for the party.

 I look at the clock and it's only 5. How long does it take to get ready?  As if reading my thoughts, he answers me.

 - I came to prepare you too.

 -There is no need to...

 - How can you not... You are my friend and I want you to make a sensation tonight.

 -Anyway, I won't stay long, so it's not worth the trouble.

 -No matter how long you stay, I want everyone to keep an eye on you.

 Damn it.. I don't want to. But I don't want to spoil her good mood either. I would feel guilty.

 - Good. But don't get too tired.

 -Shut up and I'll do magic.

 jesus...

 An hour later, I was looking for all my outfits in my unpacked luggage and Selena still didn't like any of the outfits.

 - Maybe you should still borrow something from me... She says very seriously.

I roll my eyes and Roger smiles. The fact that Selena has "less clothes" makes me feel terrified. If my mother saw me in Selena's clothes, she would probably lock me in the basement for the rest of my life. I want to  a change for me, but I consider it too early to take such a step.

 - I think I can come with this dress.  I say and pick up a sleeveless white dress with lace embroidery from the bed.

 I received the dress as a gift from Sam but I have never worn it. It reveals my legs too much and I don't know what was in Sam's mind when he bought it.

 Roger compliments the dress and Selena sighs in defeat.

 -Okay, either. What shoes do you take with her?

 Shoes? Ballerinas don't wear them?

 -Can I...

 - I'll give you shoes. I have a pair of silver ones and they would go well with the dress. Now, let's make you sexy.  I say and he pushes me towards the bed.

 I sit on the edge of her bed and she starts working with my hair like a real hairstylist. Sexy?  I'm not just sexy anyway. She's sexy. I'm...pretty. She finishes with my hair and then starts doing my makeup, and I can tell that I gave her a headache by constantly telling her not to overdo it with makeup.

 We talk about my relationship with Sam and what I've been through, and he's always been there for me, about my choice to leave him. They found out that we've been together for two years but we've barely kissed three times and  I have never made love.

 - You are ready. She says smiling proudly.

 I already have emotions...

 - Can I look in the mirror?

 -Sure, but after you get dressed. Roger, go out into the hallway.

 Roger doesn't show any emotion so I don't know what I look like. Do I look like a clown? He goes out into the hall and I put on a dress that reaches to the middle of my thighs. Oh, Sam... He knew I don't wear dresses like that...  Are you sure he got it for me?

 Selena puts me in front of the mirror and I'm out of breath. Am I that? It seems like it's me, just like the reflection in the mirror, it has a...sexy air.

- Do you like it? Says Selena, but I can't articulate anything.

 -Enormous...

 Roger enters the room again and smiles broadly, taking my hand and I do a pirouetting.

 - You are perfect. He says and I laugh.

 Selena comes to me with the shoes and usually I would refuse at first sight of them, but this time I accept because she made me look so good.

 While I'm getting used to the shoes, Selena is also getting ready at a speed that I wouldn't be able to do. I look at her and I can't help but be jealous of the way she looks. I think Sam likes her  girls. Sometimes I wonder why he stays with me when he can have any girl. But what if he cheats on me? I mean, I have nothing against him looking for carnal pleasure elsewhere, but maybe I would like to know. Would I like to know?

 - Are we going? Says Selena, and I leave my dark thoughts aside, and Roger puts his phone in his pocket.

 I look at the clock and see that it is already 9 in the evening. How did the time pass so quickly? We get up from the bed and leave the room. I just hope I don't draw attention. I don't like it.

 - Why didn't you have sex with your boyfriend? Says Selena and I blush because Roger is also there.

 They don't seem to be paying attention to us, but I still don't feel comfortable.

 - I don't know...I never reached that point.

 He doesn't need to know that I have a problem with touching because of my father, who day after day did not stop abusing me and making known his dirty thoughts that he had.

 -Never? In two years? Are you still a virgin?

 I almost stop myself when I hear her talking without a curtain and I blush harder, nodding my head.

 -Wow...And how can he resist knowing you are near him but not touching you?

 - I don't know. He is more caring.

 -Of course he wants you very much, but he lets you take the first step.

 Is that how it should be? He knows what I've been through and accepts that it's hard for me. I have to talk to him about it.