chapter 4

"Oh, what is brighter than the light?

What is darker than the night?

What is keener than an axe?

What is softer than melting wax?

Truth is brighter than the light,

Falsehood darker than the night,

Revenge is keener than axe,

And love is softer than melting wax."

-Cassandra Clare, "Clockwork Princess"

Carter opened the door of his apartment and gasped when he saw Jacob standing there with his bag.

Jacob looked like nervousness in physical form: he was biting the inside of his thumb, his hair were tousled adorably and his eyes reflected panic. Carter groaned inwardly at how cute this version of Jacob looked. How was he supposed to un-fall for him if he looked soo…appealing?

Suddenly, Jacob was yanked backwards as a blonde head hurtled forward and crashed into Carter. Max, his best friend, hugged him and said what he always did, "I love you, Carter." And Carter replied like he always did, "And I love you, Max"

They broke apart when they heard a dull thump; Jacob had dropped the bag. Looking at him, Carter felt his chest deflate, as if there was no more oxygen in his lungs and they were collapsing in on themselves.

Jacob's eyes were full of pain and he was shivering slightly. There were tears dripping down his face and before Carter could explain, he had run away. Explain? Explain what? That he wasn't dating Max? That he was single? But the biggest question was WHY? He didn't owe Jacob any details about his love life whatsoever. And yet here he was about to run after him.

He felt Max pull him into the apartment, breaking his chain of thoughts, clearly unaware of what had just happened, "Where are you off to? We need to run for the bakery, guys. We're super late!"

Carter's anxious gaze swept across the room and locked with Venessa's bitter one, his eyes silently begging her to understand his need for space and solitude. Ven's green eyes looked away in defeat and she nodded, "Max, I think we should get going."

Max, looking utterly confused, said, "But what about Carter?"

"Er…" Venessa stuttered and looked at Carter in a mix of panic and guilt. "Just so you know, Carter, if you're late again this time, Mr. Manager will probably kill you and use your flesh to feed those hideous fishes of his," Max shuddered in disgust. "Max is right. You know how much he loves perfection," Venessa nodded.

"I know that. I just need to arrange some homework papers," Carter looked away from Max's piercing black eyes and replied. "Okay then, Ter." Max smiled warmly at him and ran out of the door, pulling a surprised Venessa along with him.

Carter shut the door and, closing his gray eyes, sank into the blue fluffy sofa. He sighed and tried to sort the jumble of thoughts running through his head. "Diary," he mumbled, "I need my diary." Sighing, he opened his eyes and reached for his bag.

He froze as the cruelest realization hit him with full force: his diary…in his bag…with Jacob...! With wide, worried eyes he grabbed his bag harshly, nearly tearing it open.

He flipped through his purple-black diary, searching for signs of Jacob having glimpsed it, signs he was hoping to not discover, when he came across an entry that he had written about a year ago. In fact, it was probably one of the most beautiful things he had ever written.

31st December, 2018.

(Tuesday)

Dear diary,

For once I'm not writing to you about my sadness. It's just that I'm ecstatic. The stillness of the moment is…wow. I'm sitting in the balcony of my room and the scenery I see is soo beautiful that it fills me with a sense of peace.

I'm simply writing to you so that I can commit it to my memory but alas, I'm only human and my memory will last only as long as my heart beats and my eyes flutter. But by writing to you, I'm making this last forever. You'll carry my hopes and dreams; the ones I could convey and the ones I couldn't.

-----------<><><><>-----------

The sky burns in various degrees of colors. There is the blinding white and the soft welcoming blue. There is yellow, too, faintly, but only towards the west as the last day of the year nears its death. Crows and eagles name the sky their own, flying soo high that they appear to be only black spots of mystery beside the vastness of the sky.

Tall, green trees rise up in the front. Some are light green and hide parrots while the others are dark seemingly providing a home to black, red-eyed bats. But one tree stands out: the banyan tree. It's huge, soo huge that it immediately towers over the others: an excellent example of the hierarchy that almost everyone is designed to follow.

Behind the trees, the glass buildings are reflecting the left-over rays of the sun. But that's not it. They shimmer from here and there as the lights they bear come and go as everyone in our lives does.

-----------<><><><>-----------

Sometimes, I wish I could paint so that I could store this moment as a screen. But then not everyone has a gift of words. Some paint in colors while others paint in words.

Sometimes, I see the lives of us, students, as thin cords of music, singing together as one, held together by the weak laws of the school. But soon we are going to leave school, sing our own melody. Alone. Oblivious to each other. The pain the mere thought gives me is overwhelming; it threatens to take away my sanity.

I miss him.

Soon, a new chapter will unlock in my life. A new book. A new quest. But am I ready to lock the old book shut? If not, at what cost?

Yours always,

Carter.

He sighed and gazed at the sky from the window in his living room. Exhaling softly, he remembered the sky of the day Jacob had given him the note. Soo similar to today's, soo perfect, soo natural. He closed his diary and went to his room to change his clothes so as to not be late for his new part time job at the bakery.

After receiving hate note from Jacob, it had become too difficult for Carter to continue working at the café without recalling the moment. So, in order to escape the pain, he and Venessa (who insisted on accompanying him) had switched jobs to the bakery where they had met Max.

He frowned remembering the first time him and Max had talked and how Max had shattered a glass cup. He had begged Carter to collect the broken shards because he had been terrified of its sharp edges.

Carter pulled on a plain blue hoodie matched with his usual pair of black shorts and white Converse. He sighed again and grabbed his keys, swiftly walking out of the door.

***

"One dark chocolate pastry with vanilla ice cream and hazelnut coffee for table number three, coming right up!" Venessa called out and handed the plastic tray to Carter.

Spotting table three, Carter walked towards it, careful not to spill any coffee. He figured it would be better to focus on serving the customers than thinking about him. Afterall, he had been very nearly late…AGAIN.

He set them at table three and served them with a polite, fake smile. It was hard to smile when he was soo messed up…confused…inside. But he managed it. Like he had the past couple of years. Over the course of two years, he had learned to bury his emotions inside and not show them to people, only to the ones he immensely trusted.

Even then there was a wall between them. A wall he couldn't cross. No matter how much he tried. No matter how much he wanted to. There was always this lingering feeling that everyone would eventually abandon him.

Like his parents had.

Like his school 'friends' had.

Like he had.

That didn't mean he didn't trust Venessa, he did. She knew the shattered chambers in his heart, the darkest parts in his head, the pain in his tears and the depth in his words.

Like he knew hers.

She was his past like he was hers. They knew each other's dreams because they had survived each other's nightmares. They knew the darkness behind the other's secrets and the reasons behind their rage.

And they loved each other for it. The ease. The intimacy. The trust. In a way, they were a perfect pair…but there was no romance. And he was grateful for it. Yet, he was afraid of how much she knew about him.

He gave a short bow and walked back to the counter. "Go to the kitchen, will you? Max asked for you," Venessa informed him, smiling. "Sure," Carter nodded. He walked into the kitchen and saw Max helping a man with a cookies and cream ice-cream cake.

"Max, you called?" Carter looked at him and asked. "Yes, come with me," Max replied and gestured Carter to follow him to the room titled 'Only for staff members.'

"How do you feel now?" Max asked him sweetly. Carter tried to feign innocence, "What do you mean?"

"Cut the act, Ter. You and I both know you weren't feeling very happy about an hour ago," Max looked into his eyes and Carter felt himself tense up, knowing full well that Max could read most people like a book.

"I'm fine now, Max. Relax, okay?" Carter gave a sweet smile and hurried out of the door, Max following close behind with a frown. "Just know that I'll be here if you ever need a man-to-man talk, yeah?" Max said, returning his smile with his own goofy one. Carter only nodded and beckoned him out and into the kitchen.

"Are you guys done talking?" Venessa entered the room and asked Carter as she pulled him out to the counter, "Man, there are too many customers today." She sighed and stretched, relieving muscles.

Taking the hint, Carter went to work, switching between serving customers and taking orders, and offering an occasional fake smile to people every now and then. Venessa stood at the counter calling out orders and also taking to-go orders.

"Two red velvet cupcakes with strawberry milkshake for table number five, coming right up!" she shouted.

Carter walked up to her and took the tray with a genuine smile. She smiled back and said, "This is the last order then we can close up and go home," relief evident in her demeaner. He walked towards the table and set the order down gently. The mother and her daughter smiled and thanked him; their brown eyes alight.

Carter genuinely grinned at them. There weren't many customers who actually thanked the employees for their hard work, and it pleased him to see someone as kind as this family. He sighed and straightened, his gaze sweeping outside the window, only to rest two figures hugging tightly on the footpath.

A man and a woman.

A man with black hair and a figure he could recognize from miles away.