Chapter Two - Scared To Lose

Patpatin.

Payat.

Lampa.

Nerd.

Yan ang kilala kong Warren dati. Malayong-malayo sa Warren na nakita ko ngayon. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa steering wheel ng kotse ko. He's now back to haunt me again.

"Pwede ba, tigilan mo na ang kakasunod sa akin! Para akong aso na may buntot!" Sabi ko habang nakasunod siya sa akin na may dala-dalang libro.

"Eh, bakit ba kasi ayaw mo akong bigyan ng chance? Mahal na mahal kita, Dana!"

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad. "Really? Paano kita tatanggapin kung ganyan ang itsura mo? Ayaw kong makipag jowa sa isang nerd, lampa at madaling mabully kagaya mo. Anong gusto mo? Ako pa ang sasagip sa 'yo pag may nambugbog sa'yo. Warren, please..stop this nonsense!"

Nakita kong natigilan siya at yumuko. I know my words were harsh pero yan lang ang tanging alam kong paraan para iwasan niya ako.

Agad akong tumakbo sa pedestrian lane kahit na alam kong red light pa. Wala akong pakialam basta makaiwas lang ako sa kaniya.

"Danaaaa! Watch out!"

The was the last words I heard from him after he pushed me aside. He was the one who saved me from being hit by a car. Tears starting to fall from my eyes. Dahil sa kapabayaan ko at pagiging prideful ko, napahamak siya. I saw how blood scattered beside from his head that time. Nanginig ang buong katawan ko nang makita ko siyang nakahandusay.

When I raised my head, nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa harap ng kotse ko. Napalunok ako nang makita ko ang hubog ng katawan niya. I wiped my tears immediately.

Naglakad siya papunta sa gilid ko at kinatok ang bintana. I rolled it down and our eyes met.

"I'm really sorry, Dana if I startled you back there." His voice become husky.

"Go away." Tipid na sabi ko.

He heave a sigh. "Can we talk like mature people? I have something to tell you."

"I don't have time for you."

Pinasok niya ang ulo niya sa bintana and before I knew, magkalapit na mukha namin. Nakalimutan ko atang huminga sandali nang makita ko ang itsura niya ngayon sa malapitan. I never knew Warren's eyes was slightly greenish and sculpted deeply which compliments his pointed nose.

"I missed you, Dana."

Agad kong nilayo ang mukha ko sa kaniya at itinaas ang bintana, dahilan para maipit ang leeg niya.

"A-Araay! Dana, please don't be so hard. I am here to talk."

Nataranta ako sa ginawa ko at ibinaba ulit ang bintana. What have I done?!

"Umalis kana kasi!" Sigaw ko.

Inalis niya ang ulo niya sa harap ko at inayos ang suot niyang coat. Hindi na siya nagsalita pa at agad na siyang naglakad papalayo sa kotse ko hanggang sa hindi ko na siya matanaw. I felt a pang in my chest.

I started the engine at nag drive nalang papunta sa bahay namin. Ayoko munang bumalik sa condo ko at baka mabaliw lang ako sa kakaisip.

When I arrived, my mom greeted me with a hug.

"How are you, my darling!" She said, giving me those all teeth smile.

"I'm fine, ma. Namiss ko lang po ang luto niyo."

"Perfect! I was actually going to call you. Naghanda na ako kasi may bisita tayo."

"Sino?" My brows furrowed.

"You'll see.." She teasingly said.

I just rolled my eyes at tinungo nalang ang kusina. When I reached there, Warren was sitting comfortably with a cup of tea.

"Why is he here?!" Binaling ko kaagad ang tingin ko kay mama.

Pumunta agad si mama sa harap ko at hinawakan ang braso ko para pakalmahin ako.

"Anak, he's back para kamustahin tayo. I tried to call you but you're out of reach that's why I gave him the address of your unit and--"

"Ma, that's enough. Babalik nalang ako sa condo." matigas na sabi ko.

Narinig kong bumuntong hinga si mama. Umikot ako at naglakad papaalis ng bahay. I gritted my teeth. Bakit kaya mas nauna pa siyang napunta dito? That jerk!

I was about to open the door of my car when a hand reached my elbow. I know it was Warren because of his scent I smelled earlier.

"Dana.."

Nilingon ko siya at pinanliitan ng mata. "What do you want this time?"

"I just want to talk with you. Pero mukhang malabong mangyari kaya stay here, I'm sure your mom missed you. Aalis nalang ako."

He let go of my elbow at nagsimula ng maglakad.

Nang hindi pa siya masyadong nakakalayo ay nagsalita ako. "Why are you back, Warren?"

Huminto siya at umikot. "To claim what's mine."

I cocked a brow. "Really? I wasn't yours in the first place kaya tigilan mo na ako parang awa mo na! It's been years! Hindi ka pa rin ba nakaka move on?!"

He gave me a stoic look. "Just wait and see, Dana. Maybe one of these days you'll be lying naked beside me."

I crossed my arms and smirked. "Talaga lang ha? All these years, naka ipon ka na ng ganyang confidence? I am impressed, Warren. Very impressed. Kaya kung ako sa 'yo tigilan mo na yang mga pantasya mo kasi hinding-hindi ako magiging sa 'yo!"

He laughed, devilishly. "Okay."

My brows furrowed. Okay? Yun lang ang sagot niya?

"Umalis ka na nga! Binuwisit mo na talaga ang araw ko!"

He smiled and started walking away from me. Is there a man like Warren? A man like who's really crazy about one girl. Ang daming taon na ang lumipas at bakit hinahabol pa rin niya ako? Ang dami namang magagandang babae dun sa states and there's nothing special about me. 

Bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay at tinapon ang bag ko sa couch. Pumunta ako sa kitchen at nandun si mom na nagbabasa ng dyaryo. I sat down in front of her at nagsalin ng tubig sa baso ko. Feeling ko natuyuan ako ng laway kakasigaw kay Warren.

"So, you pushed him away again." Mom said before taking a sip of her tea.

"Because I don't want to give him false hopes, Mom. I lose count of how many times I turned him down. Wala siyang mapapala sa akin at ayaw ko rin na umasa pa siya. God! It's been years that he was gone pero it feels like he's tailing me everyday!"

Mom sighed. "Poor boy, he actually went here to ask for a permission to court you again. Kaya ayaw ka niyang tigilan kasi hindi mo naman siya binibigyan ng pagkakataon na ipakita sa 'yo na mahal ka niya. He's one of a kind, Dana. Siguro sa isang libong lalaki na pinanganak, isa lang talaga ang mababaliw sa isang babae and that's him. Well, isa na rin ang Dad mo pero iba si Warren. Can't you see? Nagpunta pa talaga siya dito para kamustahin tayo unlike those men na naging kalandian mo!"

I pressed my lips. "Mom, that's not how it works. It's just that, I can't really see myself being with him. He's obsessed with me and that's enough reason kaya ayaw ko sa kaniya."

"Obsession is part of love, darling." Mom held my hand.

"No, Mom. Obesession is not love. It's a mental disease."

"What do you know about love, then?"

Natigilan ako. Ano nga ba ang alam ko? All the men that I've flirted with was all about lust. And I haven't had that legal relationship with them. It was short and fun but I didn't feel love.

"See?" Mom raised her cup. "Hindi ka makasagot kasi hindi mo alam. Kasi naman nakikipaglandian ka lang. Diyan ka magaling e kaya hindi ka nila sineseryoso. Nandiyan na nga yung taong seseryosohin ka, pero ayaw mo. He almost gave his life to you kasi ayaw ka niyang mawala kahit na siya nalang ang maging miserable."

Bumigat ang paghinga ko sa sinabi ni Mama. I hated Warren for making me guilty all this time. Parang naging kasalanan ko pa talaga kung bakit niya ako sinagip. I didn't ask him to save me!

"Hay nako, Dana. Kung ako sa 'yo magtino kana. Warren is a kind man and alam kong hinding-hindi ka niya sasaktan. Just give him a chance."

"I'm scared of giving him a chance, Ma."

"Why?"

Hinilot ko ang sentido ko. "I don't know."

Tumayo si mama at niyakap ako. "I know that you've been blaming yourself these years but it is now time that both of you should give a chance to each other. I know what you're scared of, anak. You're scared of falling in love to him."

Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa dibdib ni mama. Takot nga ba talaga akong mahalin si Warren? O takot lang akong ako ang maging talo sa aming dalawa?