I finished taking a bath, wore my favorite pj's and blow-dried my hair. I went through the photos hanging on my wall. Ah, I miss my room. It's been a year na pala simula nung hindi na ako nakakabisita kina mama. We just always talked on the phone. And at a times like this, Mama is there for me.
I sighed at napaupo ako sa dating kama ko. I reached the drawer of my side table and opened it, I saw my old notebook when I was in college. Kinuha ko 'yon and flipped every pages hanggang sa nakita ko ang dating picture namin ni Warren. My eyes glued on his face. He was smiling from ear to ear, exposing the stones of his braces. This was the time that we are still friends and he did not yet confess to me. Everything was smooth before, we were childhood friends, we had fun times. My Dad is a long-time secretary of Warren's father kaya madalas kami naglalaro sa building ng company dati hanggang sa sabay na kaming pumasok sa elementary at college. I was there for him whenever someone tries to bully him for his looks pero nagbago ako. I found new friends at nagkaroon na rin ng madaming nakalandian. I left him hanging and maybe that's why he confessed to me kasi ayaw na niya akong nakikitang sumasama sa iba. At first, I laughed at him hanggang sa hinalikan na niya ako at naging obsess na siya at sinusundan na ako kung saan-saan.
I traced my fingers on the picture. It was good old days. Binalik ko ulit ang litrato sa notebook ko at sinauli yon sa table.
I was going to put myself on the bed when I heard a knock.
"Dana?" It was mom. "Are you still awake? Can you please open the door?"
Agad naman akong tumayo kasi parang may emergency. I twisted the knob and saw mama with a worried face.
"What's wrong?" I said. "Is everything okay?"
She shook her head. "Si Faustino, nasa hospital."
"What?" Tito Faustino is Warren's father. He's been like a father to me too.
"Go get a cardigan and we'll go there."
Tumango nalang ako at pumunta agad sa closet ko. Kumuha nalang ako ng medyo mahabang cardigan since naka pajama na ako.
Agad akong bumaba at sumunod kay mama sa kotse. Maging ako ay kinakabahan din. What happened to him? I asked mama pero wala din siyang alam basta ay tumawag nalang daw si Dad sa kaniya.
When we reached the hospital agad kaming nagtanong sa nurse and she guided us to Tito Faustino's room. Dad came out before we opened the door.
"Is everything okay?" Mom said after they kissed. Sana all.
Dad sighed. "I think so. He's still asleep and there are no findings yet. Bigla nalang kasi siyang nag collapse kanina sa office."
"What about Warren? Where is he?" Mom asked.
"Oh, you already knew that he's here?" Tumingin si Dad sa akin ng saglit at nahalata kong nag usap sila ni mama ng mata sa mata.
"Dad, I know." Sabi ko nalang.
He cleared his throat. "U-um well, I think he's somewhere else hindi ko na rin siya makita simula nung hindi pa bumabalik ang doctor."
"I see." Mama patted my back. "Go find him."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "H-ha? Bakit naman? Hayaan niyo na siya kung saan man siya ngayon!"
Biglang nagbago ang itsura ni mama, mula sa maaliwalas naging nakakatakot na.
"Find him. He need someone right now. Maswerte ka pa nga kasi nandito pa kami ni Daddy mo! Warren has only Faustino in this life. Kaya pwede ba, Dana, don't be a brat right now."
Aba! Bakit parang kasalanan ko pa?
Dad wrapped his arm to Mama's waist. "You heard your mother, Geordane."
When Dad calls me by my true name, it's a warning.
Padabog akong umalis sa harap nila at tinungo ang hallway ng hospital. Napaisip ako, saan ba kaya tumatambay ang mokong na 'yon. A place where he can hide from everyone pero madali lang siyang mahanap.
I found myself opening the door of the rooftop. I'm lucky if he's here pero kung wala hindi ko na alam kung saan pa siya hahanapin.
And there, I saw his back, facing different colors of city lights. I knew it was him because he's still wearing the same coat kanina. I walked towards him.
"Hoy!" Pang gulat ko sa kaniya. Mukhang effective din naman kasi nanginig siya.
"D-dana? What are you doing here?" Sabi niya habang nakahawak sa dibdib niya.
"Aren't you glad that I'm here?" I teasingly said.
He turned his back against me. What? I thought if I was gonna say he would immediately talk back.
Nilapitan ko siya at tumayo sa gilid niya. Idinantay ko na din ang braso ko sa railings.
"Your Dad is going to be okay." I said, breaking the awkwardness between us.
"Yeah..I hope so."
I could sense the sadness in his voice. Bata palang kami mas emotional na talaga siya kesa sa akin. Kahit nung college nga e umiiyak pa talaga siya sa harapan ko pag iniinsulto ko siya pero ngayon, nakakapanibagong hindi siya makitang umiyak.
"Yes, he is. Di ba nga siya si Superman at si Daddy naman ay si Ironman? They're superheroes kaya hindi sila madaling masaktan."
I remembered when we were young madalas din kaming maglaro kasama ang mga Daddy namin at imbes na barbie doll ang laruin ko, I found myself sharing robot toys with Warren.
He laughed a little. "Yeah, even superheroes have weaknesses. They are not immortal."
Oo nga pala, napanood niya siguro yung Avengers Endgame since he's a Marvel fan.
"Well..let's not talk about superheroes, okay? Nothing is going to happen to your Dad, I know that he has a strong will to live because you're still here with him."
"So, you are saying that a person lives because of someone?"
"Yes." I nodded.
"Then what makes you think I'm still alive?"
Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Though I'm not hungry, something in my stomach rumbles.
Nagulat nalang ako nang bigla nalang siyang lumapit sa akin at tiningnan ako. I was really taken aback. My insides heated up at pati na rin ang batok ko ay feeling ko uminit.
"B-because you have your dad.." I almost whispered because he's been staring at me while our body is almost 3 inches apart.
"Is that it?" He said while looking down on me. Yeah, he became taller than before at hanggang braso nalang niya ako.
We looked at each other. His eyes shines with the city lights. The shadow that surrounds his face makes him look even better. His jaws is now defines so his cheeks. How did he get this better?
I pushed him at binawi ko kaagad ang kamay ko. Para akong napaso nang mahawakan ko ang dibdib niya, ang tigas!
"Lumayo ka nga! Dahil sa kinausap lang kita e feeling mo naman close na ulit tayo!" I said.
Muntik na 'yon! Hay, bakit ba ako nautal?
"I'm sorry, I should have known." Nilayo niya ang sarili sa akin at binaling ulit ang attensyon niya sa mga ilaw ng syudad.
Ha? I am really puzzled. Is this really Warren? Kasi yung kilala kong Warren ay hindi ako inaatrasan. Hindi niya ako tinitigilan at kung may chance man siya, he would kiss me anytime!
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "L-let's go down, baka nandun na yung doctor. Kalalaking tao e nag eemote ka dito!"
"Mauna kana, I'll be there." Why do I feel like there's a hint of coldness in his tone?
"No, I'll stay with you."
Bigla siyang lumingon at tiningnan ako. There was a sudden change in the movement of his eyes, like wanting for hope. Ayoko din namang bumaba mag isa no? Baka pagalitan pa ako lalo nila mama.
"Thank you, Dana." He spread his arms. "Can I get a hug? I really need one right now."
Mom's voice echoed in my head. Find him. He need someone right now.
My arms moved on its own. And I found myself hugging him. I rested my head on his chest, I could hear that it was beating loudly. I closed my eyes. What is this feeling? I feel like my stomach wants to swallow my heart.
I feel Warren's hand wandering my back until his fingers went inside my cardigan and immediately reached under my breasts. Napasinghap ako at tumayo ang mga balahibo ko sa katawan. Aalis na sana ako sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya nang inipit niya sa siko niya ang dalawang braso ko.
"Warren, let go of me! Bastos!" Sigaw ko.
"I've been staring at your breasts for a while, Dana. Why didn't you wear a bra?"
His fingers are now making circular motions on my nipples. Napayuko ako at kinagat ang labi ko to stop myself from moaning. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. This is something new to my system.
He pulled me at napatingala ako. His eyes were burning.
Bigla nalang niya akong hinalikan at napasinghap ako. Nagpupumiglas ako pero he caged me in his arms. Kung siguro payat pa rin siya , magagawa ko pang pag susuntukin siya pero lumaki na ang katawan niya. He become so strong!
My waist touched his pants. And I could feel something is bulging there. I watched Warren while his eyes are closed, it feels like my heart sank kaya pumikit na rin ako.
When I think he was satisfied kissing me on my lips, he went down to kiss my neck. Nasabunutan ko siya sa sobrang kiliti!
He cupped my breasts and I moaned loudly. What is going on with me? I should have defied him!
"These breasts is only mine, Dana." He said under my ear.
Napalunok ako. Even his voice is so enchanting na para akong hindi makapanlaban.
He let go of me at hinubad ang coat niya at ipinatong sa balikat ko. He's now wearing a blue dress shirt. Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya habang nanghihina. I want to get away from him but my feet are stuck. May namumuong luha sa mga mata ko. This is harassment!
He was going to touch my cheek pero sinuntok ko siya.
"Gago ka!" Iyak ko. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
He bent down and wiped my tears pero inalis ko ang pagmumukha ko sa kamay niya.
"I-I'm s-sorry...I didn't really mean to--"
"Manyak!" Iyak ko pa rin. "How could you, Warren?!"
I heard him breathing heavily.
"Look, I am really sorry, Dana. I-I could not.." He raked his fingers through his hair. "Fuck! I couldn't control myself..I-I'm sorry.."
"You are a jerk! Manyak! Manyak!" Hikbi ko. I couldn't accept that someone like him could easily touched me like that!
He was trying to calm me pero humihikbi pa rin ako. Ang bigat bigat sa kalooban ko na hinayaan ko siyang gawin 'yon!
"I-I thought it was okay.." Mahinang sabi niya.
"It was not!!" Lumuhod ako at tinago ang mukha ko sa dalawang palad ko. "What makes you think na okay lang yung ginawa mo ha? You are so unfair! You stole my first kiss! And now, you touched me like you own me! I really hate you! Kaya ayaw ko sa 'yo!"
"I-I'm sorry..I'm really really sorry. It's just that I have missed you so much that I couldn't control myself. It's been years, Dana. I've been waiting for this time to hold you.."
"I just gave you a hug, hindi paba sapat 'yon?!"
Naramdaman kong lumuhod siya. "I know, I am really sorry. You can call me whatever you want but please, don't cry. It's just that your breasts are telling me to touch them."
Lumakas lalo ang paghikbi ko. Napakagago niya talaga! I never thought he has this kind of thoughts!
"Hush now, sorry na."
Pinahid ko na ang mga luha at uhog ko gamit ang coat niya at wala akong pakialam kung madumihan man 'yon! I saw his worried face.
"I hate you." sabi ko ulit.
He gave me a half-smile. "You can say that to me until I die, I deserve that."
"Jerk!" kunot-noong sabi ko.
He giggled and stopped before ko pa siya panliitan ng mata. "I'm sorry, it's just that you're so funny."
"Mukha naba akong clown ngayon, ha?!"
"No."
"Eh, bakit ako nakakatuwa!?"
"You look cute."
Huminga ako ng malalim at feeling ko lumabas na yung usok sa ilong ko.
"I am already sick and tired of you, Warren. I don't need your compliments!"
"Okay."
Tumayo na siya and he reached his palm to me. Pinag walang bahala ko 'yon at tumayo nalang ako mag isa at naglakad papunta sa pintuan ng rooftop. I need to get away from him! Feeling ko, hindi na ako makakatagal ng isang segundo kasama siya!
I twisted the knob pero hindi bumukas. My brows furrowed. Why is it locked?