Chapter 36: Not a True Boyfriend

Taesung's POV:

I tried to keep calm as much as I could. I didn't want her to see what kind of tornado happening inside my mind. ' She had a boyfriend.' this thought made me want to punch something or maybe someone. No, not punching, I wanted to kill that shithole, so fucking much.

"I understand. But what I don't understand is, why would he care if you had another man in your home?" I didn't sound gentle. I sounded like a possessive asshole who was trying his best to hide his jealousy.

She sighed. She gestured me to sit on the bed next to her. I sat down and looked at her in askance.

"Roy..."so that's the name of the asshole, " didn't want to break up with me. I was the one who insisted. And you are right, he should not care because when we were in a relationship, he would bang other girls every night." She looked bothered as her face wrinkled in disgust.

' That shithole cheated on her? Fuck! I want to kill him, I want to kill him now. How could he treat her like that? She should be treated like a queen, a fucking queen. How much hurt she was! When someone's lover cheated on them, it would hurt like hell. Wait, did she love him?'

I gulped loudly. ' Oh God, please. I hope she didn't have strong feelings for him.'

I licked my lips and looked at her. She was looking at the far, completely distracted. "Umm, Noona, did you love him?"

' Please God, please!'

She looked at me and gave a half smile, "No."

' Ohh! Thank Goodness!'

"But, he was your boyfriend, wasn't he?" I cautiously asked her.

She smirked, "He was just my fuckbuddy. Nothing more, nothing less."

That hurt like a bitch! FUCKBUDDY? They used to do that?

I could feel my blood boiling, heat rushing to my face. I licked my lips, "Then how did you become a couple?"

She took a deep breath, "Alright then, I will tell you the whole story. After Nabil's death, I was reckless. I didn't know how to handle my sorrow. Sharika was there with me to help, but it didn't do much. Roy was my admirer. So one day, finally I agreed to go on a date with him. There was a party at his friend's house. I was beyond drunk and then we had sex. I thought that was that. But the next day he showed up at my university. He asked me to date him regularly, and I did. He was a good distraction in the beginning. I could forget about my pain and the emptiness in my heart. But it wasn't enough for him. He wanted my heart, my commitment. I couldn't give him that. I wasn't ready, and I guess I didn't feel anything strong enough for him. Roy tried provoking me by sleeping with almost every girl he knew. We were in on-off relationship for the whole time. I finally broke up with him before I came to Korea. Today he seemed drunk. He said he loves me and misses me. Maybe it's true, maybe not. But I don't want to have anything with him anymore."

I listened to her attentively. I envied that man and felt sorry for this girl. Nabil was a very important person in her life. Losing him made her do things that she truly didn't want to do.

I wasn't jealous. Okay, that's a lie. I was jealous, after all I loved her. Someone else already touched her when I didn't. But I wasn't hurt because she didn't love that man. She didn't make love to him.

Having sex and making love are two different things. She had experienced sex but not love. That was enough for me. Maybe I didn't have the chance to have sex. But I wanted to have both of the experiences with her, only her.

I didn't feel sorry for Roy because he was truly a shithole. Perhaps he wanted her heart and that's why he did all those things. Still, that's not the right way to win someone's heart.

' Thank goodness, he was a shithole. Otherwise, I wouldn't have a chance to win her heart. Because I have seen it already, when Noona loves someone, she loves him with all of her heart. Doesn't matter what kind of love. If she loved him, she would give him her everything. Though I didn't have her body in the first place, I would make damn sure that I have her heart. I am going to win her heart and keep it forever at any cost.'

"Did it upset you, he cheated on you?" I held her hand and gently squeezed.

She relaxed and smiled, "No, in fact it felt good."

I raised my brows in surprise. She giggled seeing my reaction. "I was feeling guilty that I couldn't give him my heart, I couldn't commit. So when he started sleeping with others, it didn't provoke me at all. It felt alright. I thought, "Now we are even." So it never hurt. Instead of hurting, it gave me a good excuse to break up with him."

I smiled at her.

"Still, I do regret something. I wish I wasn't drunk that day. When I was a teenager, sex was a big deal to me. Sharing my body with someone meant sharing something so sacred. So I wanted to share my body with only someone that I loved. Sex could be a good distraction but never filled up the hollowness inside my heart. Nabil was gone. Nothing made me forget that." She looked like she was in pain as she told me these things.

Then she looked into my eyes. There was a longing in her eyes that made me skip a beat, "Until you came. You exactly didn't make me forget but having you helped me a lot. I thanked God for giving me another brother. I guess I wasn't enough attentive to my brother. If I knew better about him, maybe he wouldn't kill himself." Tears rolled down her cheek although she was smiling. That smile was not a happy smile. It didn't light up my mood. It made me feel sad.

"I promised to myself I will take good care of you. I will never let anything happen like that to you. That's why I tried countless times to save you."

It was shattering my heart to see her in pain. So I closed the gape between us and pulled her to my chest.

"Shush! Don't cry. You have already saved me. I promise, I will never refuse your help. Even if you ask me to leave from your life, I won't. I will follow you till my death." That gave me another excuse to kiss her tear soaking cheeks.