(Katsuo POV)
Stepping into Kitava's arena, I immediately regret not packing an extra pair of pants. The place is a nightmare straight out of a demon's fever dream. Massive stone pillars rise around me, their surfaces etched with grotesque carvings that seem to squirm when I'm not looking. The air is thick with the scent of brimstone and despair, which, let me tell you, is not the kind of ambiance you want for a final showdown.
Kitava, the monstrous god of hunger and destruction, looms ahead, a grotesque behemoth of claws, teeth, and tentacles. He's got the sort of face only a mother could love—if that mother was also a demon with a penchant for horror shows. His eyes burn with a malevolent glow, and his mouth, filled with rows of jagged teeth, is perpetually twisted in a snarl. I can't help but think he could use some serious dental work.
As we step forward, Kitava roars, shaking the very ground beneath my feet. It's the kind of roar that makes you rethink your life choices, like why I didn't just become a farmer. The arena's floor, slick with blood and littered with bones, isn't doing much for my confidence either. I grip Sanchomo tighter, hoping it doesn't betray the fact that my hands are shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
Was I scared? Probably, but mostly I was concerned about the safety of my chaotic children. It would be a tough battle, but I knew we'd push through.
I cladded myself with Quadra-elemental properties, using Summoned Swords as thirty Ethereal Blades hovered around us—a feat I recently achieved.
I took a moment to appreciate my state: my Stormweaver's Set, which enhanced my lightning speed and fiery power.
Sanchomo gleamed with a bluish ethereal glow as I coated it with Sword Essence and Elemental properties. Around me were residues of crackling, earthy, and swift energies. I felt like Goku entering Super Saiyan.
My trio watched from the sidelines, awe evident in their eyes. Kai bounced up and down as usual, emitting lightning as if competing with me. Dem fluttered around, her fiery form casting a warm, encouraging glow. Jade, my stubbly three-foot golem, saluted with a determination that belied his size.
"Alright, team," I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt, "let's show this overgrown Squidward wanabee who's boss."
Kai zipped around me, his excitement crackling in the air. "Save some lightning for the big guy, Kai," I joked, earning a sparkly bounce from the lightning bunny.
Dem hovered close, her tiny hands on her hips, looking as fierce as a sprite made of fire could. "I know, I know. You're ready to roast him. Just don't burn down the whole arena, okay?" She flickered brighter in response, a fiery grin on her face.
Jade, always the stoic one, gave another solemn salute. "You just keep those rocks flying and keep us covered, Jade. We've got this."
With a deep breath, I charged forward, my ethereal swords zipping around me like a protective barrier. Kitava roared again, but this time, I didn't flinch. I was ready. We were ready.
Kitava's tentacles lashed out, but I zipped, my elemental-infused body moving with a speed and grace that felt supernatural. I struck out with Sanchomo, the blade slicing through the air with a trail of elemental energy. Each hit felt like a symphony of fire, lightning, earth, and air, and the monstrous god reeled from the assault.
Kai zipped around, firing bolts of electricity that left scorch marks on Kitava's hide. Dem soared above, raining down fire that sizzled and popped against the beast's flesh. Jade, steadfast and unyielding, used his earth powers to keep the ground stable and deflect Kitava's attacks.
Kitava lashes out with one of his many tentacles, and I narrowly dodge, feeling the wind from the swipe ruffle my hair. "Missed me!" I shout, though my voice comes out higher-pitched than intended. I Shunpo to the side, narrowly avoiding another swipe, and mentally note to avoid seafood for a while—Kitava's giving me some serious octopus vibes, and not in a good way.
I glanced at my trio as they are desperately battling Kitava's summoned minions. These twisted creatures pop out of portals like uninvited guests at a party, and they're just as annoying. One of them—a particularly nasty-looking demon with too many eyes and not enough manners—lunges at me. I dispatch it quickly, hoping the others didn't notice me yelp.
With a swift series of Judgement Cuts, Kitava rears back, inhaling deeply. I brace myself, knowing what's coming. He exhales a torrent of fire and dark energy, and I dash to the side, narrowly avoiding becoming a crispy Exile. "That's some serious halitosis!" I shout, more to keep my spirits up than anything else. Kitava doesn't seem amused. Figures.
As the battle rages on, I find my rhythm, dodging tentacles and dispatching minions with a mix of skill and sheer luck. Kitava's relentless, but so am I. With each strike, I edge closer to victory, driven by a mix of adrenaline and a desperate need for this to be over so I can find a decent bath.
Just as I think I might be getting the upper hand, Kitava roars again, his body convulsing. Here we go, phase two. His form bulges and shifts, becoming even more grotesque. New, larger tentacles sprout from his back, and his eyes blaze with even more fury. I can't help but roll my eyes. "Oh great, he's going full boss mode now."
I steal a glance at my trio. Kai is darting around with the enthusiasm of a sugar-fueled child, firing off bolts of electricity left and right. One particularly energetic zap hits a minion right between its too-many eyes, causing it to explode in a shower of sparks. "Nice one, Kai!" I call out, earning a delighted squeal and another burst of zipping.
Dem, on the other hand, is a tiny whirlwind of fire and fury. She's got her game face on, which for a fire sprite means she's glowing even brighter and leaving a trail of singed minions in her wake. She darts over to me, giving a thumbs-up before diving back into the fray.
Jade, bless him, is still as stoic as ever. He's doing his best to shield us from Kitava's attacks, raising earthen barriers and occasionally launching rocks at the larger tentacles. At one point, he manages to pin a particularly aggressive minion to the ground with a well-placed boulder. "Nice aim, Jade!" I shout, getting a slow, deliberate nod in return.
Kitava, clearly not enjoying our little victory dance, decides to mix things up. He starts pounding the ground with his massive tentacles, sending shockwaves through the arena. I barely manage to stay on my feet, hopping from one unsteady spot to another. "Seriously, dude, ever heard of personal space?" I mutter, more for my own amusement than anything else.
The arena floor cracks and erupts with pools of lava, making my already challenging life even harder. Kitava's attacks become more ferocious, and his minions seem to multiply. I dodge a tentacle swipe, only to be nearly skewered by a spiked appendage from the other direction.
To ease Jade's burden, I use Earth Manipulation to create platforms and barriers. My mind throbs with the effort of micromanaging the battle: using my ethereal swords to support my trio, firing Pyrobolts, zipping out of the way of nasty tentacles, performing Rapid Slashes to thin out the mobs (and let me tell you, there were a TON of mobs), and creating Earthen Barriers to cover Jade's blind spots. I save Kai when he overcommits to a particular mob and ensure Dem can have an easier time being a flamethrower.
Despite the chaos, I find my rhythm again, my technique, Adaptive Edge, in full display. I zip, perform Judgement Cuts, zip again, and use Rapid Slash when the mobs accumulate. Kitava's monstrous form looms over me, his eyes glaring with pure hatred. The fight feels endless, but I keep pushing, my determination fueled by the thought of a nice, demon-free bath.
Finally, Kitava convulses again, entering his final phase. His body twists and expands, his mouth opening impossibly wide as he roars with a sound that feels like it could shatter mountains. His tentacles thrash wildly, and the ground beneath me feels like it might collapse at any moment. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous," I mutter, sidestepping another lava burst.
Kitava's appearance is now the stuff of nightmares: a massive, writhing mass of flesh, tentacles, and fangs. His eyes burn with a malevolent red glow, and his teeth—oh, the teeth—seem to extend in every direction. I'd say he looks angry, but that's an understatement. He looks like he just found out his favorite TV show got canceled.
"Alright, team, let's finish this!" I shout, my voice steady despite the chaos. Kai, ever the energetic bunny, redoubles his efforts, his lightning bolts crackling with renewed intensity. Dem, her flames burning brighter than ever, flies in tight circles around Kitava, creating a blazing vortex. Jade, unyielding as always, fortifies our defenses and hurls rocks with deadly precision.
I channel all my remaining energy into Sanchomo, the blade glowing with an ethereal light. With a manly battle cry, I charge at Kitava, dodging his wild swings and the erupting lava. I land a series of powerful strikes, each one infused with the elemental energy of my blade. Kitava roars in agony, his monstrous form convulsing as he tries to fend off our relentless assault.
The final phase is a blur of zipping, slashing, and trying not to get incinerated. Kitava's attacks are relentless, but so am I. I duck under a tentacle swipe, Shunpo to avoid a lava burst, and keep pushing forward, chipping away at his monstrous form.
As we fight, I can see the cracks forming in Kitava's grotesque body. His tentacles flail, and his roars grow weaker. With one final, coordinated effort, we unleash our combined power. I deliver a series of rapid strikes, each one cutting deeper into Kitava's form, while Kai, Dem, and Jade attack from all sides. Kitava lets out a final, deafening roar before collapsing in a heap of charred and smoking flesh.
I step back and look at my trio. They're tired but victorious, their faces glowing with pride. "We did it," I say, a grin spreading across my face. "We actually did it."
The arena, once filled with chaos, falls silent. I stand there, panting and covered in all sorts of gross, but victorious.
Kai bounces over, his energy seemingly endless despite the intense battle. Dem flutters down, her flames flickering gently. Jade, ever the steady rock, gives me another slow nod.
"Alright, team," I say, sheathing Sanchomo. "Let's get out of here before Kitava decides to pull a surprise encore. And maybe find a nice, quiet spot for a nap. We've earned it."
I can't help but laugh, a mix of relief and disbelief. "Next time, Kitava, let's do this somewhere less dramatic, yeah?" I mutter, wiping demon goo off my face. As I turn to leave the arena, I can't help but think that after facing a god of hunger and destruction, the rest of Oriath should be a piece of cake. Right?
I recently checked out the new DLC for Elden Ring, and wow, it’s something else. FromSoftware has really outdone themselves this time. Here are a few of my thoughts:
First off, the new areas are stunning. The level of detail is incredible, and the atmosphere is both eerie and beautiful. It feels like the original game but with a fresh twist that keeps things exciting. The new enemies and bosses are challenging, of course—wouldn’t expect anything less from Elden Ring—but they also come with unique mechanics that keep you on your toes.
The lore expansions are another highlight. Just when you think you’ve wrapped your head around the story, the DLC adds more layers to the mystery. I found myself going down rabbit holes, trying to piece together new bits of lore and how they connect to the main game. It’s a lore lover’s dream (or nightmare, depending on how much sleep you want to lose over it).
And let’s talk about the new gear and abilities. They’ve introduced some game-changing items that can really mix up your playstyle. I had a blast experimenting with different builds to see how the new stuff integrates with the old. There’s something incredibly satisfying about finding that perfect combo that works for you.
Overall, the new DLC adds a ton of value and depth to an already massive game. It’s a must-play for any Elden Ring fan. Just be prepared to die a lot—again. But hey, that’s part of the fun, right?