webnovel

Cosmic Janitor

A man on a hospital bed was offered a job by a god. Said god introduced himself as a "god of amusement and entertainment." The man unhesitatingly accepted; what was the reason? He was bored. Having lived his life to the literal fullest—parachuting, skydiving, racing, boxing, and other adrenaline-pumping activities—left him exactly in his condition—a crippled, sick, BUT bored man in his middle thirties.  Join him in his wild adventures as he battles devils, zombies, and all sorts of crazy stuff you can dream up while lying in bed. Updates: It depends on my workload. Also, on my cat's mood. Suggestions: I've got some "worlds" planned, but feel free to suggest a game or anime world that needs some serious "cleaning." Disclaimer: The characters mentioned are not mine, except the OCs. Especially not the Book Cover.

ChrisTian3421 · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
80 Chs

Oriath

(Katsuo POV)

Stepping through the magical portal, I experience that familiar, stomach-flipping sensation as the world around me swirls in a kaleidoscope of colors. One moment I'm in Wraeclast, and the next—poof!—I'm standing in the middle of Oriath Square. It's like a very extreme version of fast travel, with a side of mild nausea.

Before me sprawls Oriath. The grand architecture with its tall spires and fancy carvings looks exactly like it's been pulled from an overly ambitious tourist brochure. The streets are bustling with activity, and I instantly spot a baker's stall. My nose catches a whiff of fresh bread, and my stomach growls louder than a Wraeclast beast.

Kai's nose perk up at the smell, and before I can say anything, he zips towards the bakery, a crackling blur of energy. Dem flutters after him, her tiny flame body leaving a trail of sparks in the air. Jade just trundles along, as steady as ever.

As I watch my familiars gravitate toward the baked goods like moths to a flame, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning, I see a small girl with pigtails and a curious expression.

"Hey mister!" she asks, eyes wide with wonder. "Are those your familiars?"

I look at her and give a sheepish grin. "Yeah, they are. It's like herding cats, but with more fire and lightning."

The girl giggles, her eyes wide with curiosity. "Can they do tricks?"

I glance over to see Kai hopping around the baker's stall, eyes wide with delight as he peers at the pastries. Dem hovers nearby, her flame body casting a warm glow on the baker's face, who looks somewhere between amused and slightly terrified. Jade is examining a cobblestone with deep concentration, as if pondering its existential purpose.

"Well," I say, scratching my head, "Kai can probably zap you, Dem can roast marshmallows without a campfire, and Jade... well, Jade is really good at being a rock."

The girl laughs again, her laughter as bright as Kai's sparks. "They're so cool!"

"Cool isn't exactly the word I'd use," I mutter, watching as Kai tries to hop onto the counter, sending a display of buns flying. The baker, who's now completely lost his initial amusement, is frantically trying to shoo him away with a broom.

I quickly rush over, scooping up Kai just as he's about to make a leap for a particularly large loaf. "Sorry about that," I say to the baker, offering an apologetic smile. "He's got a thing for carbs."

The baker narrows his eyes but reluctantly nods, clearly deciding it's not worth the trouble. Dem flutters back to me, her tiny face looking a bit too innocent, and Jade eventually joins, holding a small pebble as if it's a great treasure.

"Alright, you three," I say, trying to sound stern but failing miserably. "No more mischief."

Kai twitches his nose, Dem twinkles brightly, and Jade gives me a slow, deliberate nod. I can't help but smile. They might be a handful, but they're my handful.

As we head further into Oriath, I catch sight of the towering spires of the High Templar's headquarters in the distance. The marketplace is alive with vendors shouting their sales pitches, kids playing tag, and the constant clanging of Templar armor. Those Templars always manage to sound like they're carrying entire kitchens with them.

As I navigate through the crowd, I'm bombarded with an array of scents—fresh bread, roasted meats, and, somewhere in the mix, a distinctly less pleasant odor that I decide to ignore. The city is vibrant, a symphony of life that feels both chaotic and comforting. Chaotic mostly due to how Kai is zipping around stall after stall, it got to a point where I also used Shunpo to grab him, which surprised the same girl before.

"Wow, mister, you can do tricks too!" she exclaims, her eyes wide with amazement.

I chuckle, holding Kai firmly in my arms. "Yeah, but mine are more about stopping trouble than causing it." Kai gives me an indignant look, but I just ruffle his ears.

Dem flutters around the girl's head, leaving a trail of tiny sparks that make her giggle. Jade, ever the stoic one, stands nearby, surveying the crowd with what I like to think is a protective air. Feeling a need for a change of pace, I asked the girl.

"So what do you do for fun, little girl?" I asked the pigtailed girl, as Kai hopped off my arms.

"Rellana!" She said enthusiastically.

"Rellana?" I repeated, confused. "Is that a game or a magical spell I should know about?"

She giggled again, her pigtails bouncing. "No, silly! I'm Rellana! For fun, I like to chase butterflies and sometimes help my dad at his bakery." She pointed to the stall where her father was busy serving customers.

"Ah, so you're a butterfly chaser and an apprentice baker?" I said with a smile. "Quite the resume for someone your age."

Rellana puffed out her chest proudly. "Yup! And I'm really good at tasting all the pastries."

Kai, hearing the word "pastries," perked up and zipped over to Rellana's side, looking at her with wide, expectant eyes.

I laughed. "Looks like you've made a new friend, Rellana. Be careful, though. Kai here might try to taste all the pastries himself."

Rellana giggled and patted Kai on the head. "He's cute! Can he do any tricks?"

"Oh, he can do tricks, alright," I said, recalling Kai's penchant for mischief. "But they're mostly designed to give me gray hairs."

Just then, Dem fluttered down and perched on my shoulder, her tiny flame form glowing warmly. "And this is Dem," I introduced. "She's a fire sprite and an excellent wing-woman. Literally."

Rellana's eyes widened with wonder as she watched Dem's flickering wings. "Wow! She's so pretty!"

Dem twinkled brightly, clearly enjoying the compliment. Jade, not wanting to be left out, moved closer, his solid form towering protectively over my leg.

"And this is Jade," I added. "He's our strong, silent type. Keeps us all safe and grounded."

Rellana looked at Jade with wide eyes. "Wow! He's like a rock guardian!"

Jade, ever the stoic one, gave a slow, deliberate nod as if acknowledging his new title.

"Well, Rellana," I said, standing up and brushing off my pants. "It's been a pleasure meeting you. But we have to go see some very serious people about some very serious things."

Rellana waved enthusiastically. "Bye! Come back soon and bring your friends!"

As we walked away, I couldn't help but chuckle. "See, team? We're already making friends in Oriath. Maybe this place isn't so bad after all."

Kai twitched his nose in agreement, Dem flickered brightly, and Jade gave another slow, steady nod.

As we stroll deeper into the heart of Oriath, dodging a vendor—this time offering "authentic" Wraeclast souvenirs—I can't help but smile. Yes, the city has its issues. But for now, I'm enjoying as it is. And that's a pretty good place to be, even if I have to put up with the occasional overly aggressive bread merchant.

.

.

.

.

Arriving at the Overseer's Tower, we were greeted by the stern faces of Templars and Priestesses, their shiny armor glinting in the sunlight. They marched toward us with all the enthusiasm of people who'd just been told they were out of coffee.

Just as I prepare to defend myself, the air around me crackles with dark energy. Kitava's summons materialize from the shadows, grotesque and menacing, ready to wreak havoc. It's like a reunion of the worst kind, with old enemies and new nightmares all showing up at once.

The Templars, clearly unamused by the sudden appearance of demonic creatures, charge forward, their swords and shields raised. I find myself caught in the middle of a two-way confrontation—Templars and Kitava's minions, versus us. I draw Sanchomo, deciding that if I'm going to be part of this madness, I might as well enjoy it.

Would killing these Templars weigh heavily on my conscience? Nah, they drew their swords, so they should be ready to die, no? I mean, it's us or them.

"Alright, team, looks like it's time to dance," I said, grinning at the chaos unfolding.

Dem flitted about, her fiery form darting in and out, setting Templar robes ablaze. "Nice, Dem! Make sure to toast them evenly," I quipped, dodging a rather clumsy sword swipe from a particularly overzealous Templar.

Kai zipped through the crowd, leaving trails of crackling electricity in his wake. He managed to short-circuit one Templar's armor, causing it to spasm comically. "Nice move, Kai. Next, can you make them do the Macarena?" I called out, narrowly avoiding a spear thrust.

Jade, ever the rock-solid protector, barreled through the ranks, his Earth Constructs sending Templars flying. One unlucky Templar found himself thrown into a group of Kitava's minions, who promptly turned their attention on him instead. "Thanks, Jade. That's what I call teamwork!" I shouted, giving him a thumbs-up.

Meanwhile, Kitava's minions seemed just as confused by the sudden Templar charge as we were. One particularly hideous demon looked at me as if to say, "Really? You brought friends?"

"Hey, don't look at me. This wasn't part of the plan!" I shouted back at the demon before slicing it in half with Sanchomo. "But since we're all here, might as well make the best of it."

A Templar lunges at me with a determined grimace, his sword slicing through the air. I parry, the clang of metal on metal ringing in my ears. Before I can counterattack, a hulking demon barrels into the fray, its claws swiping at anything in reach. The Templar and I share a brief, incredulous look before diving in opposite directions to avoid being squashed.

The battle is a chaotic dance of steel and darkness. Templars shout orders and curses as they fight off Kitava's monstrosities. Meanwhile, I weave through the chaos, dodging claws, tentacles, and the occasional overzealous Templar. One particularly stubborn Templar, intent on turning me into a pincushion, finds himself face-to-face with a demon's gaping maw. I can't help but chuckle as he lets out a startled yelp and scrambles away.

The Templars, clearly struggling to decide whether to fight us or Kitava's minions, ultimately opted for both. I found myself in a three-way melee, dodging swords, claws, and the occasional lightning bolt from Kai.

"Alright, change of plan, team! Let's clear out the Templars first!" I shouted.

Dem swooped down and set the robes of another Templar on fire, causing him to run around in a panic. "That's one way to get him out of the fight," I muttered, slashing through a pair of demons.

Kai buzzed around, zapping Templars left and right, causing their hair to stand on end in a rather comical fashion. One Templar's helmet flew off, revealing a very frazzled and now bald head. "Oops, my bad," I chuckled, slicing through another minion.

Jade, seeing an opportunity, smashed through a group of Templars like a bulldozer, sending them sprawling. "Nice work, Jade! They look like bowling pins," I joked, giving him a nod of approval.

The ground trembles as more of Kitava's minions pour through rifts, their grotesque forms oozing malevolence. The Templars rally, forming a defensive line, their shields locking together. It's almost impressive—almost. I use the momentary distraction to launch my own attacks, slicing through demon flesh and dodging Templar swords with equal enthusiasm.

One of Kitava's larger summons, a towering brute with too many limbs and not enough common sense, roars and charges. I sidestep its clumsy attack, watching with satisfaction as it crashes into a group of Templars. They scatter like bowling pins, their once stoic expressions replaced with sheer panic.

Finally, with the Templars mostly out of the way, we turned our full attention to Kitava's minions.

The battle rages on, the cacophony of clashing steel and monstrous roars filling the air. Despite the chaos, there's a bizarre rhythm to it all—a twisted dance of survival and strength. I cut down another demon, its dark ichor splattering the cobblestones, and glance around to see the Templars struggling to hold their ground.

With a final, defiant roar, Kitava's summons begin to retreat, their forms dissolving into shadow as the rifts close.

Dem's flames roared brighter, Kai's lightning crackled with renewed vigor, and Jade stood firm, ready to crush any remaining threats.

The remaining Templars, battered and bruised, gather themselves, eyeing me warily. I sheathed Sanchomo, offering a casual salute. "Nice working with you, boys."

They glare, clearly not appreciating the humor. I shrug and turn away, making my way through the Tower. The battle is over, but the war is far from won. Kitava's shadow looms large, and the Templars—well, they're just another obstacle in the ever-chaotic world of Wraeclast.

For now, though, I'll take the victory. After all, it's not every day you get to watch Templars and demons trip over each other like clumsy dancers at a masquerade ball.

You know what got me thinking till late? Well, it was one of those nights where sleep seemed elusive, and my mind decided to go on a marathon of random thoughts.

It all started with me wondering about the concept of randomness itself. You know that feeling when you’re lying in bed, trying to sleep, and your brain is like, “Hey, let’s think about something completely pointless!”? Yeah, that was me.

Then, I spiraled into thinking about how my cat, Tom, perceives the world. Does he see me as a giant food dispenser? Or maybe as his weird, furless roommate who spends way too much time staring at glowing rectangles?

From there, I jumped to pondering the mysteries of the universe. Like, if parallel universes exist, is there a version of me out there who has everything together? Or maybe one who’s a famous rock star instead of a stressed-out student? And what about the universe itself—why is it expanding, and what’s at the edge of it?

By the time I looked at the clock, it was 2 AM, and I was no closer to answers but full of more questions. Eventually, I decided that maybe some mysteries are best left for another night (or at least for when I’m more awake). But hey, at least Tom was peacefully snoozing beside me, blissfully unaware of my existential crisis.

ChrisTian3421creators' thoughts