Chapter 1080 - Mental Shock

Philosophants have long debated the reason the Eldest was so secretive about their mutations. There could be any number of reasons for it, though it's extremely difficult to find evidence to support or refute one in particular. We know that the Eldest didn't like to be seen when mutating, there are innumerable, reputable accounts of the lengths they went to in order to avoid being seen.

The guardians were frequently deployed to shield them from scrying eyes. The Eldest would frequently mutate away from the Colony entirely, a notable choice, given the greater safety within the nests.

Some postulate that the Eldest was engaged in experimental, dangerous selections, pushing the boundaries of what was known. This could well be true, given that the accumulated knowledge of the Colony didn't exist back then. Evolutions and mutation combinations were being discovered all the time, and many dead ends were found to the detriment of the brave ants who volunteered to explore them. Perhaps the Eldest wanted to shield others from following in their footsteps in case they themself fell into such a trap, dooming those to follow.

But why hide the process itself? The Eldest was famously taciturn about sharing their status screen, which worked to hide their choices, but to go as far as to ensure that none could even see them mutate?

We may never know the full story.

- Excerpt from 'Choices of the Eldest' by Emmanual. K. Ant.

It takes me a bit of time to recover from such a devastating mental shock. All this time, I was the only one suffering from this itch?! That's… that's…. It's so ridiculously unfair! What the hell is going on here, Gandalf? I feel such rage, such frustration. This is absurd!

If that bearded charlatan were here in front of me right now, I'd give him a taste of my mandibles. Just what's he playing at, inflicting me with this awful sensation?

Perhaps this is the bearded bozo's idea of a joke. Has he been watching me roll around, legs flailing in the air all this time, just having a laugh? There will be payback. There will be justice! This travesty will not be allowed to stand!

[Anthony? A-are you alright?]

Sarah is concerned, her big bear head hanging low as she looks at me. Overcome with my despair and anguish, I've flopped onto the ground, legs splayed in all directions around me.

[No. Not really,] I reply. [I've just learned that someone out there really has it in for me, and I don't know why.]

[Is this about the itching thing? You itch when you mutate? It can't be that bad, can it?]

Oh, Sarah, you sweet, anxiety-riddled summer child. You have no idea.

[When I mutate my eyes, it feels like they're bubbling right out of my head.]

[Oh.]

[Yes, oh.]

I should note that I'm holding up an entire Colony patrol with my antics. A hundred ants are standing around, pointedly not looking in my direction as I flop morosely on the ground in front of them. The Will flowing from them is typically supportive, even if they are starting to wonder if I'm being lazy.

Well, nothing for it, I suppose. There's nothing I can do about this situation right now. I'll store up all my anger and unleash it on Gandalf the next time I speak to him. He'll be sorry he crossed me!

I push my legs under me and rise to stand once more. It's kind of weird seeing Sarah like this, now that I think about it. She's significantly smaller than me after my evolution, and I easily outmass the hulking pile of ursine muscle.

I look her directly in the eye.

She looks up at me.

[Heh,] I snigger.

I'll never get used to seeing a giant bear roll its eyes.

[Oh, very mature,] she sighs. [Congratulations, you're bigger than me now. What do you want, a cookie?]

[I'll never say no to a biscuit. I don't mean to be rude about it, it's just a new experience is all. Besides, I won't get to enjoy this for long, you'll be bigger than me again after your next evolution, which can't be far away.]

Sarah hesitates for a moment and then stares wistfully into the distance.

[I… I'm not sure I want to evolve again.]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? What kind of monster doesn't want to evolve? Isn't that missing the point entirely!?

[You're worried about your rage and fear getting the better of you again, aren't you? You've been doing so well getting on top of that lately, don't even sweat it. Evolve, get stronger and crush the inner demon, as well as the outer ones, we've got issues in this strata, seriously.]

She shakes her head.

[I have been getting better, I know that. My control over the rage is getting stronger every time I fight, but I'm scared of losing that progress. Every time I evolved, it got worse and worse until I was completely lost. Now that I've finally taken steps towards mastering it, I feel like I'm becoming myself again. I'm terrified it'll get taken away and I'll go straight back to square one.]

Although her voice is calm and collected in my head, I can see her trembling. It's the fur. Impossible to hide your shivers when you have fur. Once again I'm reminded of the strange dichotomy of the Dungeon and reincarnated monsters such as us.

We are, according to the beardy-weirdy-one, broken people, placed into powerful, monstrous forms and let loose in a world that wants us dead. I've never really felt that it applied to me, I'm just fine, but Sarah has struggled, hard, for a long time.

I walk up beside her and give her an encouraging pat on the back.

[Things are different now. Back then, you were alone, but the next time you evolve, you'll have a family on your side. We won't ever quit on you.]

[So, you think I should evolve soon?]

I surprise her by shaking my antennae, no.

[Actually, I think you might be on the right track. Take some more time to get back to yourself. The jump up to tier seven is a big one, and I feel if you go into it afraid of what might happen, then it'll surely go badly. It's been a long road to get to where you are right now, it'd be a shame to go backwards.]

She calms herself as I continue to pat her on the back with one leg. I can almost feel her determination hardening beneath the surface.

[Thank you, Anthony,] she says, then straightens, and I give her a little room. [Well, I suppose I'd better get back on patrol. Can't be seen being lazy out here, can we?] she jokes.

[Oh, there's no fear of that,] I assure her, [there's a ka'armodo attack inbound right now. Scouts picked it up a minute ago.]

[There's what?]

[Oh yeah. They probably noticed I've been here rolling around on the ground and think they might as well have a shot at killing me. Since I'm the biggest ant, I probably have a bit of a target on my head.]

She brings up a paw and slaps it into her face.

[And somehow, you still think I'm crazier than you.]

[What? How do you know that?]

[I KNEW IT!]