7- Thoughts

I lay on the bed thinking. I know thinking is what always gets me in trouble but I can't help it. I'm an over thinker that's what I do. Every second, minute and hour of the day. Most times I cross the boundaries of safe thinking and dangerous thinking. Like now my mind is stepping into dangerous waters.

Was Sven just saying those things just to be nice?  I mean he just met me. Why would he say such things? I don't think I'm that intriguing or even worth it. Sooner than later he will realize I'm not worth it. Definitely not worth it.

I mean he can choose to talk to anyone in the world so why me? Maybe he does speak to every girl in the world. Hmm sneaky bastard. Maybe he does this to every girl that walks through the doors of Victoria Secrets. I know he said he was only filling in for someone but he seemed really familiar with the place. Was he lying? I hope he wasn't.

He could be lying. Maybe he was embarrassed to be working in such a place so he made up this dumb story which I didn't even seem to question at first. I'm so dumb. I like a liar. At least it's a sexy, mouth watering, eye candy liar.

By the time I'm done thinking it's 1 in the morning, so much for going to bed early. Does this happen to everyone or just me? Every night I say I'm going to bed early I never do. I either end up listening to music, my thoughts take over or something any little thing prevents me from sleeping. It's like a curse or something. I don't even feel sleepy anymore. I guess movie and ice cream it is then.

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My plans to wake up early isn't going so well. I opened my eyes at 12 in the afternoon. I always eat my breakfast around lunchtime. This should be illegal but then again I did fall asleep around 2 this morning so what do I expect to happen. My sister left out breakfast for me bacon, pancakes and eggs. She always leaves out my breakfast and I guess it's kind of a good thing for me to wake up late because she sleeps during the day and works at night. Which means I can only receive lunch when she wakes up to get ready for work.

I have no idea what I'll be doing today. Maybe some writing and TV or reading perhaps.

Today the trees are covered in snow

Back home I thought snow glowed

But in reality it's gloomy

It's nothing like the movies

Today I am feeling cold

And it feels like I'm not clothed

No amount of clothes can warm me

No one warned me

About how awful snow can be

Today I am sad

And I am also mad

That's the effects the weather seem to have on me

And I don't know what to do or where to go

I thought I should write this

So that my diary could know

Everyone can read this

Everyone should know

I am feeling this way because of the snow

Dear diary I thought you should know

I am feeling down because of the snow

No one warned me about the snow

And now I want to end my life, I want to go

Beauty is a trick of the eye

I thought you should know

Just look at the snow

And you would know

Beauty tricked me

So be

Warned

Not everything that glitters is gold

Not every broken crayon is broke

Not every beautiful book has a beautiful story to tell

And not every smile means everything is well

**********************************************

Should I call or should I allow him to call? Will he call or is he waiting for me to call? This is confusing. What are the rules for this? Ok ok I'll give him until 7 and if he doesn't call I will call him. I need to prepare myself so that I wouldn't have a next panic attack.

Around 6:30 my sister was ready to leave the house.

"Xavy do you have everything you need for tonight?" She shouted from Infront the door.

"Yes" I simply answered.

Then she mumbled an okay and left. My sister had a dog, a nice fluffy dogs I don't know what it's called so don't expect that here. I'm responsible for looking after him when she leaves. His name is Oreo and he is one trouble some dog he always bites my hands like to him it's food. Every single thing his mouth lays on is destruction and that is what tonight will be so I locked myself in my room.

I decided to be brave for once in my life AGAIN and called Sven.

"Hi, I was just about to call you, like literally I was just just about to call you. How are you doing tonight?" Sven blurted out smiling.

"I'm fine thank you" I gave a nervous reply.

"That's good to know. Before we get into the fun part of getting to know each other. Can we meet up tomorrow? Of course it would be in a public place. I still have the fact that we are basically strangers in my mind"

"Ok, sure thing but I don't know how I'll get there. What time are you looking at? So that I can see if my sister will be available to drop me"

"Can we hang out the whole day like from 8? I can drop you back home if you trust me enough after the day"

"Are you sure you're not planning to kill me or kidnap me? I'm really paranoid. I basically watch all the seasons of criminal minds at least five times and Black list, NCIS, Quantico Hawaii Five-O and more I'll be watching your every step mister"

"Damn girl you're basically a detective at this point. but I keep my word that I won't lay a finger on you unless it's to help you or if you want me to" Sven said winking and smirking at me.

"So if you're on plan on laying a finger does that mean your weapon of choice is a knife, gun, chainsaw or acid?"

"I mean I could run you over with my van"

"Ooh so you are planning to kill me. I knew it! so that settles that then I must spend the day with you tomorrow" I was grinning from ear to ear now feeling at ease that we are getting along and actually joking around.

The rest of our conversation wasn't that much about getting to know each other. Well I guess it was but once he found out I write poems he was basically forcing me to make a poem on the spot.