Sometimes, You're Too Hard on Yourself and the Children

Kazuya ran out of the car park, heading to where Himari said they would wait for him. He looked around at the center court, trying to find them but the place was crowded thus making his pursuit futile.

"Where are they?" He murmured by himself as he took out his phone.

Soon, he made a call.

"I'm at the center court," Kazuya talked to the phone, "Where are you?"

While he was listening to Himari answering his question, his eyes shifted to the stage not far from where he stood. Kazuya quickly walked there. It took him a few more minutes before he could finally spot them.

"Himari."

A young woman with her long hair cascading behind her back turned to the sound of his voice. Himari was carrying Chiharu in her arms while Izumi quietly stood beside her.

Kazuya swiftly stretched out his hands, knowing how heavy his niece was if one carried her for a long time.

"Is there anything interesting here?" He looked at her for a few seconds before shifting his eyes to the stage.

"Oh, it's a..."

"Uncle! Let's join!"

Before Himari could explain to him, Chiharu excitedly exclaimed to Kazuya.

Kazuya was blanked for a moment. He looked again at the stage.

At this time, small groups of parents-and-child had already gone on the stage to play.

Somehow, he got a slightly bad feeling about this.

"Uncle, Chiharu wants to win the bunny! Let's go! Let's go!"

Chiharu repeatedly pulling at Kazuya's collar. The little dumpling was so eager to have the big bunny plushie as hers.

"But, this game needs both parents, Chiharu," Kazuya tried to reason with the little one, "How about this? Uncle will bring you to the toy section and let you choose your own plushie."

There was still enough time if they wanted to shop for other items after dining.

"Can't we play? Chiharu wants to play like them," The little dumpling once again pointed to the stage. Her small hand fist the right collar of Kazuya's shirt.

Kazuya frowned. He decisively shook his head, "Let's just buy one, en? Uncle can't play it. The children need their parents to play with them. Uncle alone couldn't play with you."

"But, Teacher Kato is here!" Chiharu stubbornly looked at Kazuya, "Uncle could pair with Teacher Kato and play with Chiharu!"

"Chiharu, let's just go and buy one, okay? Big Brother would play with you at home," Izumi took the opportunity to persuade his little sister but Chiharu ignored him.

Then, the little girl shifted her target to Himari who was as baffled as Kazuya, "Teacher Kato, let's play together? If we won, Chiharu would let Teacher Kato hug the plushie."

"Chiharu, let's go and eat cakes, en? Didn't you say you want cupcakes? After that, we'll go to buy your bunny plushie," Kazuya tried hard to distract the little one's fixation on the game.

"No! Let's play! Let's play!" Chiharu began to cry. Her little face flushed red as she wailed, "Uncle, let's play, okay?"

"Chiharu..."

"Let's just play?" Himari butted in anxiously.

Kazuya was surprised. He looked at her, "No, Himari, you don't have to do this."

Himari smiled to reassure him, "It's nothing. We could just pretend to be Chiharu's parents. The game doesn't look hard."

"Well, it's true, but..." Kazuya closed his eyes. He refused her suggestion with a shake of his head, "I'm sorry. I know you have good intention but, I have to refuse."

Himari was perplexed. She quickly responded, "Ah, it's okay..."

Kazuya shot her an apologetic look. Himari lightly shook her head, signifying it was alright.

Chiharu continued crying but Kazuya still didn't relent to her. He brought her away from the crowd while continued persuading her in low voices. With one arm supporting her bum, he stroked his wide palm over her small head.

Himari and Izumi followed from behind. They could only watch when Chiharu buried her head on Kazuya's chest while her little hands hooked around his neck. She didn't throw tantrums. She only cried but, the sight of it made Himari felt sorry for her.

This was the first time she saw the little dumpling looked so sad.

"Teacher, I'm sorry for the trouble," Izumi's voice came from one side.

Himari lowered her eyes to him, "It's nothing. She just wants to play, that's all."

Izumi pursed his lips. A conflicted look flashed in his eyes as he stared at his little sister who was still sobbing.

The atmosphere around them was a bit depressed because Chiharu didn't cheer up even after Kazuya bought her favorite cupcakes. She would just silently nibble on the cakes while she kept her eyes lowered. Occasionally, her shoulders moved up and down as she sobbed.

Himari and Izumi kept their silence as Kazuya attending to the little girl. He would whisper soft words to her while drying her wet cheeks because of her tears. Even though sometimes Chiharu would dodge him, Kazuya didn't get mad at her.

After having tea and desserts, Kazuya brought Chiharu to the toy department. As earlier, Himari and Izumi followed them from behind.

Once they got inside the department, Chiharu's eyes brightened a bit. She pushed her uncle, trying to wiggle free from him.

"With Big Brother... Chiharu wants Big Brother..." She kept saying.

Kazuya had no choice but to lower her to the floor.

"Izumi, look after your sister," He glanced at Izumi.

Izumi quickly ran to Chiharu, held her hand and led her to the section for plush toys.

Kazuya was left alone with Himari. Both of them stood near to a shelf with toy trucks.

"Sorry," He murmured after a long stretch of silence, "We've troubled you again."

Himari glanced at him, "There's nothing to feel sorry about since I don't feel troubled."

Kazuya's eyes flickered. He laughed in self-mockingly.

"I understood why Chiharu acted like that. It's not purely because of the toy," He said with his eyes lowered to the tip of his shoes.

Kazuya placed both hands inside the pocket of his denim pants. He blinked, lifted up his eyes and looked at the siblings. Izumi was now coaxing Chiharu to choose the best plush toy that she would love.

Even though Chiharu had stopped sobbing, her eyes were still red. Izumi patiently followed her from one shelf to the other.

Himari didn't say anything as she felt this man had more to say to her. She held on to her sling bag, feeling uneasy all of a sudden.

In the next second, Kazuya opened his mouth again.

"Every time I bring them to play in the park or visit an exhibition, I notice that Chiharu would always look at the families around her. I know that she's longing for her parents."

That was what Kazuya understood throughout the years he took care of the two siblings.

The little girl missed a complete family as to how one should be. But, she only had her brother and her uncle with her.

No matter how tenderly he treated them, he still couldn't replace the position of their mother and father.

She was a bubbly little girl but, she had her sadness as well.

"Then, why did you refuse when I said I could join you two before?" Himari asked after Kazuya finished his sentence.

Their eyes met as Himari tilted up her chin to look at him while Kazuya lowered his gaze to her face.

Kazuya smiled faintly, "I don't want to make her feel accustomed to it. You're with us right now and you would also join us for the picnic tomorrow. Chiharu is already happy because of the former. I don't want you or anyone else to feel obliged to follow her requests. You have your own life."

Himari didn't expect to hear him saying such a thing.

Why did he think too deeply about a child's request of playing as a family? Did it because he didn't want to give false hope to the little girl?

But, she also understood that he didn't want to make things hard on her as well.

"I think sometimes you're too hard on yourself and the children, Kazuya."

Kazuya blinked. Confusion flitted across his eyes, "...What do you mean?"

"Why not you just follow your surroundings? I know, your intention was not to let Chiharu be demanding over similar events in the future. But, if you accepted my suggestion to just play it, Chiharu would be happy even though we might not win the toy."

Himari glanced briefly at the two children, especially on Chiharu who was now hugging a small bunny in her arms.

"She's a child. It's okay if you want to teach her that not everything would follow her plans but, there are times you could just grant her wishes. She'd learn somehow that some of her wishes couldn't be fulfilled while some could be."

Kazuya stared unblinking at the lady beside him, silently listening to her.

"It's the same things as being a family. It's sad but, she would understand that even though her parents aren't with her, she still has you and Izumi as family."

The two children walked to them. Chiharu pitter-pattered with the small white bunny while her eyes were staring at the man beside Himari. Izumi followed behind his little sister.

"You are a great guardian for both of them. They also know it. I'm sorry if my words sound rude to you."

Kazuya's gaze fell on Chiharu who kept walking closer and closer to him. He murmured, "No, I'm thankful for what you said."

Chiharu stopped in front of him. She showed the bunny to Kazuya.

"Chiharu wants this... Uncle."

Kazuya smiled while a sharp pain spread in his heart. He slowly crouched down and held one of the bunny's paws.

"You don't want a bigger one?" He asked softly.

"En, en," Chiharu shook her head, "This is better. Chiharu could hug the bunny. Chiharu's hands would hurt if Chiharu hugs the big one."

"Okay," Kazuya nodded, "Let's get this one."

A curve spread on the little girl's face, lessening the pain in his heart.

"Hehe, thank you, Uncle."

Himari watched the uncle and niece with a shallow smile. She was not in their shoes but her circumstances let her understood them even for a bit.

A family was a family, even though it didn't appear normal to outsiders' eyes.

You have to cherish them with all your heart.