485. Chapter 485

After One Life to Lose

Episode 3.18

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Say hello to my little friend. Neither of us own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

Soapy Heat

By

Richard Castle

Detective Nikki Heat stretched, allowing her miniskirt to ride up her long, slender but muscular legs and arched her back so that her double D cup boobs were pushed out for all to see, and appreciate. It was apparent that Nikki wasn't wearing a bra.

Her lover, ace reporter Jameson Rook, paid no attention, except for the steam pouring out of his ears and the fillings in his teeth melting.

"How many evil twins do you have anyway?" Nikki asked, closing the file on the latest evil twin of Rook's. What kind of an idiot would want to build a theme park based on genetically altered mice?

Rook jabbered incoherently while imagining running barefoot through Nikki's boobs. Recognizing the symptoms, Nikki glared at Rook, bringing him back to reality. Well as close as Rook ever got.

"I had assumed there could only be one evil twin, but I never counted on the depravity of our arch enemy, Herr Doktor Perlmutter."

Meanwhile, high in the wind swept crags of the Ramapo Mountains of New Jersey, Castle Perlmutter sat in a howling snowstorm, as a glacier swept down towards the castle where so much evil dwelt. Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Perlmutter? Um, that's a rhetorical question, people.

Anyway, the good, mad doctor was putting the finishing touches on the instrument that would finally bring Jameson Rook to his doom and make Nikki Heat his.

Standing by him was his familiar, whose long, gorgeous legs and D cup boobs were almost a match for Nikki's. However, the flame red hair on the gorgeous young woman told you this was not Nikki Heat. Alexandra Rook hated her father. When she was five he had been trying on a charcoal grey fedora and had momentarily lost track of his beloved daughter. Perlmutter had taken the opportunity to grab the little tyke and had spent the next fifteen years filling the little girl's head with stories of how her father loved hats more than his own daughter. Accordingly, Alexandra had an abiding hatred for Rook and hats.

"She's perfect." Alexandra said coldly. "She could be Nikki Heat."

Permutter looked longingly at the clone of Nikki Heat that he'd created. She was exactly like the woman who had obsessed him ever since that day long ago when he'd tried to steal her lunch money at the Manhattan Academy for Budding Psychopaths and Apprentice Super Heroes. Even yelling "Apples" hadn't stopped little Nikki Heat from soundly thrashing the little thief. From that day to this, Perlmutter had been obsessed with Nikki Heat.

Daringly, Perlmutter placed his hand of the clone's perfect ass, she being bereft of clothing at the time.

"Get your hand off of my ass, slimeball." The clone Nikki barked. Then she dislocated his shoulder.

"An absolutely perfect copy." Alexandra marveled. Alexandra's hatred for Nikki Heat grew exponentially. Why did her father love this woman and not her? Alexandra had known love but once. Her boyfriend, lover and accomplice, Ashley, had trusted her with Demming, his pet….Um, exactly what kind of a pet he was is shrouded in mystery. Ashley was a very odd young man, though. However, Demming had carved a gun out of bar of soap and bluffed his way out of his cage. Unluckily for Demming, a New Jersey sheriff had pumped forty seven rounds into him when Demming went for a candy bar that the deputy thought was a gun. (Wait? Didn't we use that in a prior fic? Whatever. Do you think these things are easy to write?) Anyway, Ashley had never forgiven Alexandra for allowing Demming to escape. Alexandra's one chance at love had gone, just like Demming. Okay, not just like Demming. Her one chance at love had not left an acrid smell behind as Demming had.

Perlmutter then dressed Nikki, one handed and being careful to hand her the clothing at the end of a long pole. When he was done, Perlmutter chortled. "What do you think of Jameson Rook?"

Clone Nikki smiled. "I love Rook. When I find him, I'll love him to death."

Both Alexandra and Perlmutter laughed maniacally. They're villains, people. Villains do laugh maniacally.

Perlmutter called his underlings. "Igor" Davidson and "Free Willy" Sorenson. "Get the car, Igor. We're going to Manhattan to wreak my vengeance on Jameson Rook and make Nikki Heat mine. Once she loses Rook, she'll be mine. (Okay, that's a gigantic plot hole. Why would Nikki be his just because Rook is gone? Remember, this is a Castle fanfic.)

Once in the city, Perlmutter drove to the 20th Precinct and parked nearby. He sat with his clone and Alexandra, watching for Heat and Rook to come out.

Alas, there was one thing Perlmutter had forgotten, Alexandra's pathological hatred of hats. There, exiting the precinct, were the uniforms, each with a hat on his or her head. Alexandra flew into a rage. "HATS!" She screamed, bolting from the car and rushing the uniforms. One after another, she tore the hats from their heads and tore them to bits. Alexandra had spent years learning Fedora Fu from a brother of the Temple of Borsalino. The hats died well. In the rain. (A little Hemingway homage there.)

As Rook and Nikki exited the precinct, they saw the officers vainly trying to protect their hats. Then, as Alexandra kicked at a hat, Rook saw that on her thigh was a strawberry birthmark in the shape of the State of Nevada. Having the same birthmark on his thigh, he knew who the flame haired woman was.

"Alexandra! My beloved long lost daughter. It is I, Jameson Rook, your father."

"What?" Alexandra cried, momentarily leaving off from the massacre of the hats.

"Second base." Nikki said automatically.

"Alexandra, I am your father." Cried the distraught Rook.

"You're not my father. You love hats more than me. You left me when I was but a tot for a grey fedora." She shrieked.

"No. I searched everywhere for you. I have the longest running ad ever on Craigslist. You can check, it says, "Lost, one flame haired daughter, vicinity of hat shop. Reward." Rook opened his arms. "My daughter."

Alexandra began crying and ran to her father, hugging him and sobbing. "I've wasted my life destroying hats. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Sure. I know a guy."

Seeing Alexandra in the arms of Jameson Rook drove Perlmutter, well, a lot nuttier than he already was. He turned to his clone. "There is Jameson Rook. And while you're at it, disassemble that flame haired Alexandra."

The clone Nikki Heat smiled a cold and deadly smile and left the car. There, before her was her destiny, drummed into her mind by Dr. Perlmutter's sadistic brain washing techniques. That said, she did have a really clean brain.

"Oh, Jameson." She said softly as she approached him. "Jameson Rook. It's me."

Rook looked at the approaching Nikki Heat and then at the Nikki that had followed him out of the precinct. Could Nikki have an evil twin? If so, which was the real Nikki Heat? He quickly pushed his beloved Alexandra behind him and prepared himself for he knew not what.

"I love you, Jameson." The clone said, pushing her cropped tee shirt down and off.

"Blaa bluuu bibbbb." Jameson said incoherently.

"Help!" Cried Alexandra. "That's Doctor Perlmutter's evil clone. She exists only to destroy my beloved father Jameson Rook."

The real Nikki Heat stepped in front of Rook and Alexandra. She glared at the clone. The clone glared back. Back and forth the glares went.

Finally, the clone looked away. "So, is, like, Ochoa doing anything? He's kind of hot." She asked.

"Go ask him yourself." Nikki said, watching the clone leave.

"The evil Doctor Perlmutter is over there!" Cried beautiful, flame haired Alexandra. But the good doctor's car was long gone.

Once back in the castle in the mountain fastness of the Ramapo Mountains, Herr Doktor Perlmutter raged at the Fates. He was especially hard on Atropos who hadn't cut off Rook's thread of life. Picky, picky, picky. But that's Greek mythology for you.

He screamed. "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again." (Oops. That's borrowed from Gone with the Wind. Let me try again.)

Perlmutter bellowed, "There's no place like home, Auntie Em." (No. Been done.)

Finally, Perlmutter said coldly, "Th-th-th-that's all folks."