Peter's Wisdom Teeth Removal *hilarious*

The video opens to Peter and Tony sitting on the couch. Peter is sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest, clutching Lady close. He looks terrified. Tony is much more relaxed, and looks a little exasperated. 

"Hey, guys," Tony says, after Peter doesn't say anything. "Welcome back to the Ironfam. Today is the day that Peter gets his wisdom teeth removed. Clearly, he's overjoyed." 

"I don't like needles," Peter says, his voice muffled by Lady's head. "Or surgical procedures of any kind." 

"Anyway," Tony turns back to the camera. "Peter's freaking out a little, but it has to be done, so… here we are. We're just getting it done here in the tower MedBay, because I have better doctors than anywhere else anyway, and it's much more convenient. We've got to be there in, like, twenty minutes, we just thought we'd film the intro." 

"I don't wanna do this," Peter whines into Lady's fur. 

{cut}

Tony is sitting by himself in what looks very similar to a hospital waiting room. 

"So, I'm sorry, guys," he says. "I didn't get any more footage of before the surgery. Peter was freaking out, and I was trying to calm him down, and… it was all a mess, but it's all good now! I calmed Peter down, and he's in surgery right now. And everything's going fine, so… we just have to wait for him to come out of it!" 

{cut}

Peter is lying on some sort of hospital bed. He has gauze stuffed in his mouth, which has puffed out his cheeks and made him look rather like a chipmunk. He's staring up at the ceiling, blinking in astonishment. 

"Hey, Pete," Tony says, his voice already thick with amusement. "How are you doing?" 

Peter turns to Tony, his eyes wide, blinking owlishly. 

"Dad?" he asks, his voice slightly muffled by the gauze. "Dad, there's a bad guy over there. And they took…" he hesitates, glancing at the doctor working by a table, his back turned to Peter for a moment. Peter leans in, his voice dropping to a whisper. "They took my tongue." 

Tony snorts, but manages to cover it as a sneeze. 

"Your tongue is fine, Peter, it's in your mouth," he says. "It's how you're talking to me." 

"Oh." Peter stares at the ceiling some more. Suddenly, he sits bolt upright. "Dad, we have to go to MJ's house!" 

"Oh?" Tony asks, amused. "Why?" 

"Because," Peter says, leaning back on his pillows but staying tense. "Because, she, uh… she was sad today." 

"She was?" Tony asks, sounding amused, but concern is laced throughout. "Why was she sad today, buddy?" 

"I, uh…" Peter stares straight ahead, his eyes going out of focus. "I don't remember. But it was important! I told her I was going to come right before the bad guy poked me!" 

"Before the bad guy poked you?" Tony asks, confused now. 

"Yeah, he poked me," Peter stabs at the bandaid on his arm covering the spot where the IV went in. "He poked me and I fell asleep and now I can't remember why MJ was sad!" 

Peter's eyes fill with tears as he speaks, jabbing at his arm harder and harder. 

"Okay, okay, buddy, calm down," Tony grabs his arm, stopping Peter from hitting himself. "How about we call Ned and MJ, huh? They can come here."

"Really?" Peter looks up at Tony, his eyes teary, as a few tears escape down his cheeks. "They can… they can come here?" 

"Yes?" Tony says uncertainly. "They've come here before." 

"Wow, Mr. Dad," Peter says, more tears filling his eyes. "That's so… that's just so nice of you! Ned loves coming here. And you let them come, even though… even though this is were your top secret, uh… good guy stuff is hidden! You're so nice!" 

"Uh huh," Tony says, his voice filled with amusement again. "Well, come on, here's your phone. How about we FaceTime them, huh? Then they can see what's going on." 

"Okay!" Peter says brightly, tears forgotten, even though he hasn't wiped them from his cheeks. "I have really good friends, Dad," he adds, as he opens his phone. "Lots of people don't like me. I'm glad they do." 

"What are you talking about?" Tony asks, surprised. "The world is literally in love with you, Peter. Everybody likes you."

"No," Peter says sagely, as his phone dials Ned and MJ. "Not at school. Flash doesn't like me- Ned! MJ!" 

Peter moves on from the conversation, although Tony's face says that they'll be revisiting it once Peter is no longer loopy. 

"Hey, dude," Ned says. "What's up with your face?" 

Peter touches his face, and his mouth drops open in surprise. 

"Mr. Dad, did you splash water on me?" he asks accusingly. "Why is my face wet?" 

"Because of your tears, Pete," Tony rolls his eyes. 

Peter looks even more surprised. 

"I was crying?" he asks, shocked. 

"Peter got his wisdom teeth removed," Tony informs Ned and MJ. "He didn't tell you?" 

"No," MJ says, around her laughter. "I got a text telling me he was busy and he'd come by as soon as he could, and then silence." 

"Oh, yeah, that reminds me," Tony snaps his fingers. "Why were you sad today, MJ?" 

"What?"

"Peter said you were sad today. He cried about it, too. He said you were sad and he wanted to go visit you, but because he's all drugged he couldn't remember why you were sad and it made him cry," Tony says, laughing. 

"Oh," MJ rolls her eyes. "I wasn't sad. I was annoyed with Flash." 

"Okay, that's the second time I've heard the name Flash in reference to sadness," Tony says. "Who the hell is Flash?" 

{cut}

"Ned! MJ!" Peter exclaims, sitting up and throwing his hands out in front of him in a hug-like gesture. The gauze is no longer in his mouth. "You're here! How did you find me?" 

Ned throws an uncertain glance at Tony. "Um… Mr. Stark told us where you were?" 

"Oh," Peter nodded. "Dad. He's so smart. Aren't you?" Peter turns innocent eyes on Tony. "Aren't you so smart? You're, like, the smartest person in the world." 

"Aw, I'm touched, Peter," Tony says, grinning. 

"And Ned is the nicest person in the world," Peter continues matter-of-factly. "And MJ is the prettiest. Only don't tell her I said that. She says not to determine her value on looks. And she's not supposed to know I like her. But she is really pretty. And I really like her." 

Tony turns the camera to MJ, who has turned uncharacteristically red. 

{cut}

"I want chocolate pudding," Peter declares. "Right now. And a peppermint milkshake." 

"Here," Tony hands Peter a pudding cup. This is apparently not the first time they've had this conversation. "And you can't have a peppermint milkshake, it'll make you sick." 

"Why?" Peter whines. "I love peppermint!" 

"You hate peppermint," Ned says flatly. "And also you're allergic to peppermint." 

"Oh," Peter says quietly. Abruptly, his eyes fill with tears again. 

"What's wrong?" MJ asks, rolling her eyes. 

"Why do I hate peppermint?" Peter sobs. "It never did anything to me! It's so… it's so mean of me to hate peppermint!" 

Ned snorts violently. 

"Don't laugh at me, Edward!" Peter says savagely, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "I am… I am Spider-Man, and I… I will steal the kneecaps of anyone who laughs at me!" 

"Uh huh," Tony says, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "You're Spider-Man. You know, Spider-Man doesn't steal peoples kneecaps." 

Peter abruptly stops crying. There's dead silence in the room for a few moments, as Peter stares intensely at Tony. 

"Spider-Man is better than Iron Man," he finally says, completely deadpan and serious. 

Tony gasps. 

{cut}

Peter has been moved from the MedBay to the living room. He's laying on the couch, curled up in a massive, fluffy Spider-Man blanket. His head is in MJ's lap, and she appears to be subconsciously playing with his hair while she fiddles with the tv remote. Ned is sitting on the floor by his feet. 

"I don't want to watch a movie," Peter declares. He does not move his head from its position at all. "I want to play a game." 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Tony says, coming into view, holding another pudding cup, which he hands to Peter. 

Peter begins to eat his pudding, still refusing to move his head. He turns his eyes to the screen, and gasps. He is suddenly crying again. 

"Now what's wrong?" Ned asks, exasperated. 

"Look!" Peter points at the screen, tears falling freely. "Look at the baby! I want a baby! I want… I want to hold a baby!" 

He suddenly gasps again, and points at Tony, a furious look of betrayal overtaking his face. Tears are still rolling down his cheeks. 

"Where are Lady and Chloe?" he demands. "Did you kill them?" 

"What?" Tony exclaims, sounding genuinely shocked and caught off-guard. "No, I did not kill them! The team took them out of the house, so that there wouldn't be pets crawling on your head while your mouth heals. And also so that the team wouldn't make fun of you." 

"Oh," Peter relaxes a bit, but doesn't stop crying. "I want to hold something! I want a baby! Or a teddy bear!" 

"You don't have a teddy bear," Ned says, twisting around to look at Peter. "You haven't had one in years." 

"I want one!" Peter demands. 

"Calm down," MJ says. "I'll go get you a teddy bear." 

Peter stops crying. "Really?" he asks hopefully. 

"Yes," MJ says, standing up. "Here, Tony, come play with his hair. It keeps him still. I'll go get you a teddy bear." 

"Thank you!" Peter's eyes fill with tears yet again, as he beams at MJ. "You're so nice! You should be my girlfriend!" 

MJ turns red again. "Whatever, loser," she says, before hurrying out of the room. 

"Dude, I think you broke MJ," Ned says, laughing. 

"No!" Peter says sharply, as Tony sits down at his head and pulls him down into his lap. "No, I can't break MJ! She's too… she's too tough. And special. And… and pretty. And nice. She's buying me a teddy bear!" 

"We know," Ned and Tony say in unison. 

{cut}

MJ is back, and has reclaimed her spot at Peter's head. Peter is now clinging to a teddy bear. It's brown, curly fur matches Peter's hair very well. There's a red bow tied around its neck. There's a movie playing in the background. All three teenagers appear to have fallen asleep. 

The camera shifts to show Tony. 

"So, they're asleep now," he whispers. "So I think it's time to end this video. Like and subscribe to see more of… this. See you all next time." 

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