The Good Life
Joe was cruising around the winding road in his convertible. A classic Pushe 915 it was silver. God I want a Slirpee thought Joe so he pulled over at a 247 Quickmart.
He figured he may as well pick up some snacks and maybe some drinks for later.
He looked around in the coolers inside. He saw almost every brand of soda that he had ever drank including many he didn't like. There was beer brands ranging from Guivess to a 40 oz bottle with a crazy little hand drawn snake.
He grabbed a big bag of chips and was looking all over for the Munster cooler.
"Sorry to ask bro but do you got any Munster?"
"Never heard of it sir." the clerk replied."Should I put this on your tab sir or would you pay for it now?"
"Put it on my tab good man." hehe That clerk is never seeing a red cent from me.
Young Three left Joe lying outside the tent all night hoping that maybe the cold would get him inside. That was a mistake now he was running a fever.
The day was balmy but the wind running through his hair felt great. Joe stepped on the accelerator. He wished the day would never end.
Young Three had her towel in her hand flicking it vigorously trying to cool down Joe's sweating form. She placed a wet sock on his forehead making a cold compress.
Joe was going 130 mph easily as he took the hairpin he spun out.Luckily he was unhurt but his car was totalled. It's amazing that I managed to walk away from that one he thought. My chips are toast the sodas are leaking.
Young Three was getting deeply disturbed by the rise in core temperature she saw in Joe so ahe put him above her shoulders and helicopter spun him. He vomited up alot of mud.
Joe was walking back towards his mansion but then he thought to check his pockets for a phone. Lo and behold there is a God. He dialed an Ebur car. The driver didn't speak English so he tried another.Same result.
The kid might be alright he's started to babble after all.Young Three had assumed Joe must be on the phone. She went to investigate the vomit and to clean it up. Some undigested pig meat in the mud. A few twigs. There was a flash of red as she brushed away some mud.
Shit Shit Shit! He swallowed a spirit stone.
She was thinking of what she could buy at the Treasure Fair with a single low grade stone.
A pair of Communication Marbles, maybe a sword talisman or two, a sack of holding, or maybe just maybe a Love Glove.
Joe stayed in that same state for a night and most of the morning just lying on the floor ocassionally babbling incoherently.
* Deadhorse
The sun was cresting and Elder Bi kicked White Tides in his cracked rib to wake him up.
"What do you have in the truck for breakfast?"
It was common knowledge that over the road truckers kept a stash of moon pies and goo goo clusters under the seat.
"I was hungry on the ride into town I ate the only two snack cakes I found."
"It's ok I stocked up on beef jerky at the Barf and Choke. It's even warm." Tinker Jimbo saved a beating for himself and the Scholar.
He reached into his gamey coveralls with his grease covered hand producing three strips of shoe leather like jerky.
The Elder looked at the meat with greed.Snatching them from the Tinker's hand. He rinsed them off in a hubcap with fresh rainwater in it.Then began to munch on them.
"The Elder gets cranky when his blood sugar gets low." Jimbo observed
They had worked through the night to get a dump truck cranked he had to siphon out diesel fuel from an old storage tank he had refilled the bike and the hauler he just hoped that it would be enough to get the thing back home.
They left Deadhorse unchallenged then began their 8 hour drive back to the sect.
Phil the cop and Tony the wrecker driver struggled against the handcuffs behind their backs but they couldn't go anywhere.They were light headed from the poor air circulation in the boot of the cruiser. Phil vowed to himself to escape his kidnappers.
Young Three knew she needed someone with more knowledge of healing to try to fix Joe but there wasn't anyone who could help in this type of situation. The Sisters might be able to do something but she had pissed them off last winter and they were far away.
Didn't they used to bleed crazy people in the old days? I wonder if I cut him if it would do any good? No that would be a bad idea he might bleed out. I could try to put leeches on him they suck out blood slowly.The leeches might give him an infection. Normals are way too fragile I give up.
" Pain is weakness leaving the body.To piss excellence you must piss blood first. Thirst is temptation distracting the body a distracted mind cannot conquer the body." Like a waterfall words of wisdom flowed from Joe's mouth. It was the most lucid noise to come out of his mouth in hours.
She immediately started kicking his kidneys.
Joe's world shook and thunder clapped. Oh my God no leave me here I want to stay here.
My house my house he thought.
Young Three had caved Joe's back in with the force of her blows. Blood was trickling down his legs. It's working she thought.
Joe felt pain for the first time inside this alternate reality.He could no longer move his legs. He was so damn thirsty too.
Young Three found the discarded can of Munster in her messy tent then cracked it open under Joe's nose. He sniffed it.
Joe was surrounded by the fragrant perfume of sweet tarts candy.
She tilted his head back then let the can of piss warm Munster enter his mouth and throat. Joe's eyes regained focus.He slapped Young Three on the face with enough force to rattle her teeth.
Then he left the tent walked about 30 paces and started digging a hole. She followed him through the flap then asked within arms distance.
"What are you doing recruit?"
"Digging my grave First Sergeant. Next time this recruit dies just let the recruit stay dead."
She threw out a light jab as she had done many times to hit him. This time he managed to dodge it then sent a hook to her stomach.To her surprise it hurt.
He's a 1 star cultivator now. How did that happen? I better not let him get cocky. This time she put her weight into it. He caught it on his forehead absorbing the blow.
"I'm serious Three just let me fucking die already."